I'm sorry I missed you, please don't hurt yourself. I know how you feel, I feel that way all the time. I feel broken and defective and unfixable, and I care about people so much but they don't care if they ever see me again.

I had a friend that had a hard break-up, and it hurt her for over a year too, but she eventually got through it, and so can you. You just need help. If you come back we can talk about it. I don't know how much advise I can give, but I promise to listen to everything you want to say and help any way I can.

Please just come back and we can talk...
:hug:

I guess you're not coming back tonight...please come back soon. I'll be worried about you until you do. I feel guilty for not being here earlier. If you ever need someone to talk to and I'm not around, send me a PM, I'll be happy to hear from you.

I'll be thinking of you. Try to get some rest tonight. I hope things look better in the morning.

Goodnight Manda
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

~ L1

You're in a fight for your life Manda. I'm glad you reached out...wish you had stayed a little longer to talk to lonely1.

Depression is a monster that can rob you of hope if you give in to it. Don't do that....change is just around the corner but you have to fight. And you need to get help in your real life. :hug: You don't have to do this alone. :grouphug:

Manda, I was 'paralyzed' with depression and anxiety over 2 men. One was the father of my child and that lasted for years. The last one in fact was a Jay as well. That shook my world really hard.

I clung to him, called him, went to visit him without an invitation, even at times begged him to be with me,...all after he had left me. In actuality, he finally moved away just to get away from me and all the memories. He didn't know what else to do.

I wanted to die. I had it all planned out in my head. That sent me to a therapist which was at the top of the list of best decisions I've ever made.

My own life history led me to those events. For whatever reason I ended up being the way I was, I knew I had to get help and find out why in the world my losses (one after the other it seemed because I also lost my sister during those years) just kept piling up, one after the other and I broke.

Some women take these breakups, losses, much harder than others. You think you can't survive, can't live. My therapist gave me a name for the 'syndrome' which I can't remember now. But I do think I sent you a link to an article at one time that described it very well.

It sounded to me like this Jay person has moved on. I know your pain is very real but you have to try and move on. Pretty much all of us will suffer more than one loss in our lives and most likely many losses. I agree with Ms. Alffe...., and I think I've said it before, but talking it out with a good therapist could do you a world of good. To not only help you understand your feelings but to help you cope with them and move on.

Losing a boyfriend is not a reason to kill yourself. For some of us (like me :o ) losing several big loves just seems to be a pattern. There are others out there ((Manda))!!!! Believe me. Don't waste too much of your time grieving over something you can't have ... the love of your life might walk right by you without you noticing.

And please come back and let everyone know you are okay. I promise, you'll survive this heartache. :grouphug:

i'm pretty embarrassed to post after that desperate cry for help last night. i apologize.

i also would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart.

i will post later tonight. i need to get in the right mindset (which i haven't felt in ages as i'm sure some of you have noticed). i feel like this next one is going to take a lot of energy.

love.

I'm glad that you came back. :)
:hug::hug::hug:

You don't have to be embarrassed for needing help or being desperate. I've been there a few times since I came to NT. We all understand and empathize.
:hug:

And just a reminder about the chatrooms, at the top of the page...easier to have a "private" conversation there. :grouphug:

Oh, don't ever feel that way about posting here! Reaching out and talking about what you are going through is some of the best medicine ((Manda)). I'm just so relieved you came back. Don't ever be embarrassed to let others know how you feel. What you feel is very real. :grouphug:

;) Private note for Manda's eyes only.... Jay's can really do a girl in, can't they?

Somehow, tonight, I find myself haunted by Jay. And how our relationship fell apart. A year after breaking up, he is now engaged. Glad he walked away unhurt and undamaged.

I wish my heart would forget the hurt...it's starting to forget him and my connection with him. But it's not forgetting the hurt. It's starting to forget how he used to exist in my life every single day (it blows my mind actually). But once again, not the hurt.

I'm hurting tonight. I'm hurting. And he's not.

Hey you (((((HUGS)))))

I dont have many words to say... dont know the right words... but, I have been where you are now... "he" is married now in my case... and... sometimes I still feel nostalgy and even cry thinking about him... and the "good" moments I have with him.... BUT, I have understand he wasnt for me and, I like to dream and think that, a "better" person is in my way.... I just have to be patient...

What I want to say is, hang in there.... it will be better soon... :hug: Just dont push your feelings... if you need to cry, do it... if you need a piece of chocolate, eat it... sooner or later, you will feel better and he will be just part of your past :)

:hug: