Am I a magnet for unstable folks?

Pity party coming your way.

My family is just plain nuts, dont even have to explain that here.

Most every friend I have met and become attached to on the internet has turned out to be so nice, and friendly and sweet in the begining, only to find out months, sometimes years later, that they are cheating on their husbands, react inappropriately to situations, lash out in fits of undeserved anger or turn out to want to stalk me!

Can I just have some normal friends? I mean come on! I dont expect mother Thersa to show up, but I dont want to be surrounded by women with such low self esteem that cheating on their husbands is common place, or no biggie, or running off to have "me time" doesnt make them reflect about the children that are sitting at home wondering where mommy is. How bout those that play video games for 6 hours each evening only to type that they will be right back, they have a fussy baby to take care of!

Am I being too judgemental? too picky? am I expecting too much? I want friends, and I want interactions, but I dont want to surround myself with folks that think nothing of lying, cheating, running around, or ignoring their own families. Sheesh!

anyone else lonely? My local friends wandered off after my MS dx and have families and jobs to go to. Most women my age work, or have families to raise.

What can I do to attract a better quality of friend? Today I simply walked away from another unstable person who i refused to allow to talk to me as if I was a peice of garbage. Sorry, but I wont allow you to disrepect me. She called me her sister friend for more than a year now, only to turn and spray venom on me. eek! I guess I saw these signs in her along the way, but had chosen to turn my head.

*sigh* im lonely!

Aw, Dej ... You're not asking too much for a friend. I'd be happy to be your friend! I don't cheat on my husband (we've been divorced these last 16 yrs cuz he cheated on me, among other things)...Never left my kids for "me" time cuz I was all they had. I don't get angry or snippy very easily (actually, it takes a LOT to make me angry), and the fact that you have MS doesn't scare me off (hmmm...wonder why ).
My point is, there are good people out there that might deserve having a good friend like you. Don't give up!

isnt it sad when folks are not honest, even with themselves? they speak about having the same interests, values, and lifestyle and then...it turns out they make this stuff up. One woman told me she was coming thru my area, making visits to see several internet friends, and asked if I would mind if she stayed at my house. I had been speaking to her for over a year. She arrived at I took her home for ONE night. She left the next day in a rental car and was gone for a whole week. She returned to my house and expected me to put her up for TWO weeks, until her flight left. um NO! She was really hurt that I wouldnt allow her to stay free room and board and asking me to run after her. Wanted to borrow my car, use my phone for LD calls, internet ...you get the idea. Turns out she had left her husband and had no place to stay. DH and I took her to a motel and paid for 1 night. We told her the next day she was on her own. Please dont come back to the house.

One woman expected me to provide private duty nursing for her husband who was dx with blood cancer. She thought I was going to leave my home, and go sleep in the recliner chair for 3rd shift private duty while he was in the hospital in another state! When I explained that my MS prevents me from working to take care of me, let alone others, she was really hurt. No pay, no place to stay, just a hospital recliner, and scrounging around the hospital for food? um...no!

others expect me to help set up websites, forums, or internet stuff and want to use me as their special techie guru only no pay! One even said "I guess I could pay someone, but why should I when I have nice folks like you that will help me for free?" I gave her simple advice and then said NO!

see the pattern? I am a nice girl, and folks are quick to take advantage of that. I am feeling like a magnet for the unstable. Oh the stories I could tell.

I've been taken advantage of, too, so don't feel like it's just you.

Due to this unfortunate fact.....I find myself less enthusiastic to make friends and get close to anyone new.

Maybe we just need to be rude and mean upfront. Set the tone. Make people not want to ask us for anything! I'm just kidding.....but I wonder if that's what it takes?

I wouldn't dream of doing what some of the people you've described have done. I wonder what makes some folks feel justified to ask for so much?

Great Dej does this mean my plan to stalk you and then come unannounced for an extended vacation at your home with my new boyfriend while dh2b is at home with the kids is a bad idea?? Well, dang it now what am I supposed to do for vacation?!??!?!?!

A friend that is a women's studies professor swears that if in a party of 200 people if there is only 1 wife beater and 1 woman with a history of domestic violence they will manage to find each other. I had some crappy luck with boyfriends early on and managed to figure out that with friends I needed to be as particular as with a potential boyfriend. I was the only common demoninator when it came to attracting loser men so I had to be the one who changed my approach.

It is like renting out a house. You have absolutely got to 100% be hard core and not let one bit of your emotions take over because if you feel sorry for a prospective tenant's past history of bad luck you will end up getting screwed over. I sort the kitty from the litter very quickly even with family. The crack pots know not to even entertain the idea of trying to drag me into any drama.

There are decent people out there it just takes a long time to find them and develop that bond, imo. Although they are a wonderful addition to my life I do keep my internet friends as acquaintances My true friends are those I have known for 20 years and although this might sound sad there are only 5 people that I truly consider dear, lifelong friends.

The good news is that in all the years I've known these people not once did any of them ask to borrow money, get themselves in a legal or morally compromised position or do anything that would make me lose respect for them. We can go months without talking but when we do manage to hook up it is like yesterday. They have seen me at my best and worst and have been my cheerleaders. I love them and if I never make another friend for as long as I live I have been blessed to have known these few wonderful people.