I have been visiting with and talking to Dejibo for the past 4 years and have 'heard' and seen when she is hurting from her family's behavior. There is no hurt left that I see. Only acceptance that they all "are what they are" and the only thing left was to let go-- the 'increments' of letting go I've watched and heard, like a long clawed cat clinging to that last vine of hope, I've witnessed her "let go, and let God". She has written extensively here and even that doesn't cover the hurt and pain they've inflicted; what I hear in her voice now is acceptance. There may be some final bits of grief in this process, but the bulk of the pain/hurt/anguish at realizing there is not getting what you never got has simply been let go.

I'm grateful she has had you all to speak with too, write out her journey through this twisted tale. You all are incredibly supportive~

I completely understand the position you're in, Dejibo and appreciate how you express yourself here.
I'm encouraged that you're not being hard on yourself for having to redraw the boundary lines from time to time, because I know what it's like to have to do that. I remember being thankful to my friends for gentle reminders to hold my ground, or of ground lost that I needed to regain and retain. My hope for you is that you have the support you need. Sounds like you do.
becca

Dej-

I don't know you (or really anyone here), but I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like it's finally 'moving-on' time for you. Some things you can't control and it becomes imperative that you distance yourself from it to survive. Family situations unfortunately can become very hard and since it's so personal, it's hard not to let it overtake the rest of your life.

Meow -

"I was trying to talk to her and her last words to me was "Are you enjoying watching this". I tried not to put any meaning to those words. She died the next day. "

You can't take this comment to heart. It came from a sick dieing woman who you took care of while you were sick yourself. It sucks to hear things like that from our parents, I know. Sometimes, I think guys (obvious generalization) are better at this type of thing than women are. I would look at the comment as untrue because I didn't enjoy watching her die and that would be the end of it.

I hope you both heal quickly from your situations and again, I'm sorry you have to experience this.

Dej

We cannot choose our family but we can choose our friends. Thank goodness for that. Your family is missing out.

That is exactly what my friends, and children say. I feel blessed to be surrounded by such support. thanks!

btw, when I was taking care of my mother after I had a double mastectomy and I went anyway to help her after leg surgery, I was bloated from chemo, bald, and breastless. Her comment to me was "you look ridiculous! fat, and boobless, how can you possibly go out in public like that?! please dont come back tomorrow looking like that, you are embarrassing me in front of the nurses!" this came from a woman who was literally sitting in her own pee! She had went during the night and those lovely nurses she was embarrassed about had let her lay in her own urine for almost 9 hours! she was urine scaleded from it, but would rather have a "pretty girl" take care of her than some fat breastless slob. Just go home and come back when you can look more normal. Yep! thats my momma!

Truly, truly truly I dont care anymore. its like magic! I wish I had known this magic years ago as I struggled to keep the family speaking to each other. in contact with each other, caring about one another. Ya know what? they dont care! they wont ever care! I was the only one caring. So...I think I will spend my caring on folks that want it, need it, or appreciate it.

It was an ugly life, but now that I am in charge of just MY life and not worried about how it affects theirs...Im good! I feel soooo much better! it has literally set me free to let this go.

Thanks for all the hugs, and good words. you guys rock!

Just a follow up...


I still dont care! HA! I cant believe it, its been like magic!

It's kind of like being an alcoholic - hit rock bottom and there's no where to go but up.

I love this! I have been right where you are now. It is amazing when you really know that you have let go and you are free. It's almost like a "pinch me I'm dreaming" kind of thing.

Thanks Dej! You're giving me hope! Maybe I can drag myself out my situation too .

I put a ring my mother gave me on Ebay! HA! it was MY inheritence from a aunt, and she was supposed to give it to me a while back, and "forgot" but she gave it to me just before we stopped speaking. I put it on Ebay! I cannot see the tiny dials on the watch, its delicate, and im not, and I have zero intentions of allowing this thing to rot in my home when someone else would love it, so off it goes.

im telling ya, it was one of the hardest things I ever did, but its oh so much better without them begging for money, telling me how horrible other folks are, or just running each other down. Good riddance! I have much better things to get upset over now.