[Blessings2You]

My world is getting smaller and smaller, and I'm not even sure how I feel about that.

I get less and less far away from home, less and less frequently. I accept virtually no invitations. I add more and more places to my list of "I'll never go there again". I talk on the phone less, and with fewer people. I'm a reluctant hostess. VERY reluctant.

Maybe it would be good for me to stretch my horizons a little, deliberately try to stop or at least shift the shrinkage. Maybe. But I don't really want to. As I've said before: I WANT to want to, but I don't really have the energy, mental or physical.

Am I a little depressed? Well, duh. But I don't think it's primarily depression that's causing me to watch my world get smaller. It's all just too tiring, too overwhelming, too confusing.

Wah wah wah.

[Kitty]

I can completely relate, B2Y. In fact, I was just thinking today that I really ought to be more upset about not being able to do all the things I used to do.........but I'm just not. I want to want to go places and do things. I want to have that desire to do more. But, like you said it's just too much. Too overwhelming to my mind. Even thinking about it makes me tired!

[Judy2]

Sadly, I can relate B2Y. I really don't need all of this house anymore, quite often I don't even answer the phone when it occasionally rings, haven't been outside in weeks, family get-togethers are sooo tiring (here), my dog sometimes even requires too much energy to care for. Like you said, B2Y, the "want to" is gone and that makes me sad. I hate this stupid disease!

[Dejibo]

I told DH I wished I could cut this house in half. We dont use half of it, and yet it needs to be cleaned. Im rarely the girl to answer the phone, and its not because its not usually for me, its because I really dont care what they want. Its a hard attitude for long standing friends to swallow when you have an "i dont care" day. I dont want to go lay in the sun at the beach. I dont want to roast in the heat for a picnic. I dont want to fight traffic to go to the mall an hour away in one direction. I dont want to go sit still on a church bench and pretend that I can read the hymnal. so, I have started to make myself happy right here. I rarely drive and only attempt if i am having a great day, and then its only to town. no going past this podunk place.

Told DH I wished we lived in the city, and I could take the little bus that goes around town and drops off the seniors and college students without cars at Walmart, Target and other places without having to bug him to take me when we need groceries. Now I take him in with me, and need his help to read labels or life things. I get overwhelmed in the store from the lights, the perfume, the people. Went out to pizza last week with friends, and my friend wore so much perfume that I was just overwhelmed by it the whole way. ICK!

You are not alone B2Y. you are not alone.

[Jodylee]

I feel the same way, sad to say. I truly can't go anywhere in the summer in FL because of the heat. You guys know my situation right now. I'm going to have to make myself go do some things that are absolutely necessary that I do on my own. It is sooo hard to get moving!

s to all of us in our shrinking worlds.

[Kitty]

I've been thinking about this thread and all the responses to it. I'm not sure how everybody else feels but, to me, I think I have just accepted my limitations. Not exactly what I envisioned my life at 50 being but it is what it is. I'm tryin' to make the best of it.

I haven't left the house in days. The heat and humidity just kill me. I can get dressed, look presentable and maybe even have the energy to be sociable for an hour or so......but the minute I hit that outside oven everything just stops.

So.....like Dej, I've just had to make myself happy where I am. So, for me, I think I've just accepted the fact that this is "me" and this is my life. I'm not sayin' that in a negative way. Just matter-of-fact. Everybody has their challenges and limitations and this just happens to be mine. Sometimes I accept it more graciously than other times.

[Vonn07]

I'm with you all, too ..

and I had to make some MAJOR adjustments to my attitude about the MS, my feelings, my pain ... it's very hard to stay home!!

BUT, I use to be on the go ... even on my days OFF from work - I'd be running here and there ... trying to get this or that done .. run run run!!

then, the MS - and got this 'can't do it' feeling/attitude ... well, that wasn't helping me ....

researched on my own ... vitamins & meds ... and was disgusted spending/going to doctors than it was to see my friends ... .. so, now, when I have a 'doctor' appt ... I also make an appt to visit with a friend - and sometimes it's as simple as dropping them an email or write a little note (remember all those cute notecards from CURRENT?)

there's alot that I don't do anymore .... and alot of it is "so what" ... I am going to do enjoy each minute of the day ... it doesn't have to be superbowl antics of cheer or ecstatic ... just a simple: this is me, I like me ... and it's OKAY that I can't, don't want to, get everything done ... I'm okay with that ...

yes, the MS is a disease ... but, it's NOT me ... I have it - so, be it ... I told my girlfriend the other day that with all the new meds I'm on - that by the time I'm dead .. I'll be a NEW person!! LOL

Yes, B2Y ... I get like that, too ... I like my 'little' world ... you are SPECIAL .. I love to read your posts .. and try to help with words as much as I can (same goes for the others .. almost wrote "otters")

even when I can't get something done THAT day - it's okay ... "for tomorrow, the sun will rise ... who knows what the tide may bring!" ... Tom Hanks - Castaway ...

hugs and love to all!!

[SallyC]

Yep, I relate. My get up and go has got up and went. But I'm right here if anyone gives a pooh. With the exception of DD, DSs, and a few e-mail buds, fam and you guys, noone seems to.

You know what?? That's just fine with me, cause, I don't think of those turds, much anymore, either.

[NurseNancy]

i still get out to keep appts, mostly drs.
but, i also can stay home for days.

it takes a lot of effort just to get activities of daily living done like laundry, vacuuming etc.

so i can really relate. i'm more active during the day but after 3 or 4 i start winding down. my pain escalates and i'm in my recliner most of the evening.

i never go shopping anymore. it's so rare that i take my scooter and go into a store. the heat stops me in my tracks.

i can so relate.

[Dejibo]

Does this disease make my bum look fat? Cause I feel like since it started, I slowed WAY down, and dont get in nearly the amount of exercise and calorie burning that I used to get.

In the past few months, since stopping copaxone, and starting to take back control of my life, I feel better than I have in years...well...mentally at least. Physically I still have MS and all the trappings that go with it, from ON to numb feet. it just is what it is, and I am trying hard to just get on with it.

I am trying to find things to love about where I am at, and how I am. I am trying to find local things to do, and local places to be excited about instead of my Alaskan cruise or a trip to Italy or even getting to jump in the car like I used to and cruise on down to PA and see the HErshey folks. For now, im having a bit of fun doing local things that are keeping me close to home.