Today when I was driving home from getting my hair cut, I just felt this wave of weariness come over me. I have a huge tension headache and my usual leg pain. Bedtime will be early for me.

nurses tend to be really strong when others need us. then there could be a lull when danger is over and we could sleep for 12 hrs.

take the rest in stride and use it to refuel.

Doydie!!! I'm sorry about the crash. I hope you got some sleep and feel more rested today. Maybe having someone come in to help, despite the mattress issue, is a good idea. Even if it is only for a couple of hours a day or twice a week or something. It will give you a much needed break.

A good caregiver/aide should never judge. Remember all the situations that you encountered while nursing? You never personally judged those situations. You assessed, but didn't judge. (If that makes sense.) Plus, an aide may be able to get Charlie to do more self care than you can get him to do. Having help like that will give you a chance to rest, run errands, and take mental breaks whether that be visiting friends, sitting in a quiet church, etc. Maybe even going to choir practice. (I'm not sure if you are still doing that as I haven't seen you post about it.) It can be a good thing for both you and Charlie.

Anyhow, try to do something nice for yourself today. Prayers have been said for you!

I have thought about hiring some one to come in and clean. That would help a lot. I would really love a personal chef. I am not a cook, never have been. I can do hamburger helper really good. Charlie does OK in his own personal care. He can't shower yet and he has his appointment with the surgeon. So he took a god sponge bath. I washed his back and he did the rest. I do enjoy doing little things like that for him. Every night I empty his drain. I know he could probably do it himself but that nurse in me likes to do it so I can see how much, the type of drainage, etc. I do hope it comes out tomorrow, both physically and emotionally. I don't know how he will take it if the doctor says no.

We were out of just a few items today and needed a short Walmart run. Umm, what is short about a Walmart run even when it's 6 PM and heat is 95. It was so hot, I was short of breath by the time I got to the door. I did ride the scooter. I don't know how many little mistakes I did while driving the car. After telling Charlie how exhausted I was and yes, it is dangerous for me to drive, he did stop making comments.

Our Walmart is one of them that you can order on line and pick them up so I may need to look that up until I am over this. When he went on his medicine for his Ulcerative colitis, I made the decision to go off my Avonex. I think I am ready to rethink that now.

About choir. I am still a member, It's just with him in the hospital so much I haven't been there for awhile. This weekend is our 60th anniversary of the church. The choir is singing this big anthem. I really don't like the melody but it has parts for the children's choir, youth choir and the adult choir and then for us all together. It also has a nice solo which our pastor will sing. It's called 'We are the church'. We also have another song to sing which I really like. But I don't think I have been there for 3 weeks. I told Charlie the way I feel, IF I do go on Sunday, I would more than likely sit in the sanctuary and not even stand to sing any of the songs. No energy. I may not even sing. I am that tired. So it all gets me thinking. Could part of this be depression? I really think it is a combination of many things. I ate one meal today. And that is bad for me. I have about 2+ edema again so I am taking Lasix, which is on as needed basis. I tried to take a nap but nap and Lasix just don't get along. The edema may be one reason why my legs feel so heavy.

Having someone come in and clean and at least prep some of the food for meals (like cutting up vegetables or fruit) is a great help!!! I have an aide that comes and helps me a couple of times a week. She does light housework and preps some of my food as well as does other things for me if I need it (such as going to the grocery store). You may find that just that little bit of help will allow you more energy to do more things.

I have not tried the Wal-Mart pick up thing but my mom has. She had no complaints about it at all. There are a couple of grocery stores in town that deliver and that helps. There is a minimum purchase and a delivery charge but sometimes that's worth it. Do you have a store that delivers in your area?

It does sound like a combination of things are contributing to your crash. I think all that you have been through with Charlie is a huge factor and it has effected everything else. I wish I lived closer so I could come over and help you a little. I would do it in a heartbeat! Hang in there and try to rest and take care of you!

doydie, even getting someone in to do housework will take some of the pressure off of you. You are on "overload". Not surprised your body and mind have finally got the best of you. Thankfully, I have a woman come in every two weeks to do cleaning, vacuuming, floors, etc. I have no problem justifying getting help.

I know you often shop at Walgreens too. I do Walgreens order on line at least twice a month. I usually wait for things in the flyer I use most to be on sale; as well as they often give 20% off items not on sale. The shipping is free when spending over $35.00. I am always amazed how quickly my order arrives; usually in a couple of days. This makes going shopping much lighter and quicker.

I also order from a place that has many food items; either partially cooked or very simple to put in the oven/microwave and heat. Everything is delivered frozen. (Unfortunately, they even have deeeelicious ice cream.) You may have some place similar to this. The delivery man comes every two weeks; free delivery to your door at a minimum of spending $49.00 which is very easy to do.

Whatever it takes; you need to give yourself a break and allow yourself time for things you enjoy.


Gerry