I talked to him a little while ago...he called. I told him look you wanted the divorce you cannot keep calling me. As for the visitation he can legally take her for the week his parents do live in the state just 2 hours away but I cannot tell you the number of times they have had social services at their house regarding their other grandchild...this I am not comfortable with, after all what if they come in and take all of the kids in the house and Olivia is there? I have told him he is being completely selfish and I could give a dman if he thinks about my feelings or not but that he needs to respect the feelings and emotional well being of the kids!

Frank- I have a counselor whom I have known since I was a child myself and he is a Godsend!

Why do you continue to take his calls? So what if he pays child support and alimony. He should. That doesn't give him free reign on your emotional welfare....not to mention the kids.

I agree with Cindy - you make the rules. And stick to them. He can only do to you what you allow him to.

I truly do sympathize with you Renee. What he's done is so immature - and the way he's acting now is simply unforgivable. If he's not seeing a counselor he desperately needs to.

I'm praying for you and the kids. :hug:

(((Renee))) I am sorry you have to go through this. I have been where you are plus he was stalking me at home, out with friends, at work. I was getting calls from him at all hours of the night and I did set the boundries. He was to call only to talk to the girls. That was it.
After several employees saw him outside my work as well as times we had all gone out, they told me about it. When the flowers came, my boss (bless his heart) gave me the name of a lawyer friend of his. This lawyer sent the ex a letter delineating the boundaries the ex was to follow. This stopped him for a bit but then it got bad again. I had to trace phone numbers as the police requested and ultimately it was found he was not only calling me from work (this was pre-caller ID days) but that he was having others call as well. It was creepy.

Finally, the lawyer just explained that putting distance between us would be best. (Long story). So I packed up the girls, gave away all of my stuff and condo and moved 100 miles away.

Did it stop? Not really, at least for a while. So when I got the suicide note that he wrote to the kids, I did not allow him any visitation with the kids until my lawyer, the kids dr, and myself got a letter from his psychiatrist stating he was stable enough to visit with the kids. He did not like this at all but ever since then everything stopped.

So, definitely start setting boundaries. If he calls and starts talking about himself, tell him that at this point you will only discuss issues with the kids.

As for Olivia, counseling can really help her out. Additionally, the counselor can make recommendations regarding his visit and where she should stay and how long. The lawyer may need to be involved on that one but based on his unpredictability and mental state right now, they may request that Olivia spend the night with you.

Hang in there, sweetie. It will all work out and we are here to support you.:hug:

Well, you know what my advice is since I just talked to you last night and today. It's not worth your sanity sister. :hug:

I'm so sorry to hear you are still having to deal w/ such a selfish man.

I agree w/ what the others have said. You need to decide the boundaries and then make him stick to them.

What do you REALLY want and need for you and your child? What is best for you? It was his decision to forsake his vows, not you. Now he must deal with it!

I'm so sorry hon. But you continue to be strong. :hug:

yes I agree with Cindy too, Daisey that was well said she is a lot stronger than she gives credit too, but being a sole parent for a long time. I also know whats its like to have doubts of oneself, sometimes when you get pushed down so far its hard to see what your true self is, Renee DM was right though you are a strong person and a loving caring parent, set the ground rules like
AMN said you are in control never forget that:hug:

He's a manipulative man playing with your emotions...playing with what residual love that he knows he can manipulate...

and he is manipulating that left over love that you have left for him and confusing you with it...

on top of that, you feel unloved, unwanted, and self-unassured...cause he left you...

and it makes you ask yourself, why doesn't he love you...why...HE, doesn't love YOU...

and then you start to doubt yourself, you start to doubt your own self-worth...

he plays those tricks on you..makes you feel bad about yourself thus he is able to call you cause he knows that you are alone, lonely, and even though logically, you know that he is playing tricks with you...you just can't help it cause you just want to hear his voice...

maybe hoping to hear some sort of "love" in his voice...

cause you want to be loved...by someone that you have spent a big chunk of your life for...and it makes you feel like you've wasted those times..and that those times were YOUR investments and that you just don't want to lose your investments...

and that causes you more confusion cause you might think that there IS some sort of love there...but is there?? Is there ENOUGH love there??

ask yourself all the questions you already know the answers to....

is he there to help you take care of you, your children?

Is he there to hold you in the middle of the night while you cry and tire?

No...he is just calling you, to bug you, cause he wants to know that he is king stud and that he can come back to you whenever he wants to, cause he can manipulate you...and he is just throwing you enough of a carrot...dangling it infront of you, to make you THINK that he cares...and that he CARES about his children...maybe he cares about his children...I can't say that he doesn't...

but does he care about you? What are the facts....where are his actions?? Look at it all...

Love yourself, Nae, love yourself like NO ONE could...that is one of the best ways to get out of his control...realizing how much your self worth is...

folks here may have said things you might not want to hear, but those are golden words...and that means they truly care about you...

and sometimes, truth hurts...

love yourself...get out of his shadow...

((((BIG HUGS))))

Hi Renee,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You've already received great advice that I can't really add anything to, but wanted to say take care of yourself and your baby :hug:

I do agree that HE needs counseling!

This really comes down to what works/doesn't work for you and your daughter.

My ex and I are best friends, even now. We both recognized that the marriage could not go on, but as friends we have always gotten along really well.

I still love him, and he still loves me, it's just not the same "marriage" kind of love. If he needs something, I'd be there in a minute . . . and vice-versa. I know not everyone could handle such an arrangement, but it works for us.

It's going to take time to sort this out . . .

Cherie

I agree, agree, agree with everything WM said. Very true.

:hug: