I left an abusive manipulative ex a long time ago. it more about boundaries for yourself, and your children. He MUST pay child support, and his other obligations. Dont allow him to use HIS responsibilites as YOUR swinging door. PLEASE dont allow his lack of planing to become your emergency. As for visits with grandparents TWO hours away in a home wallpapered with social services reports, um NO! He can come stay in a local motel, and visit everyday for a week. He can crash on the couch and plan a week's worth of stuff, but until the children become more stabilized in this whole upheaval, tell him you are NOT letting them out of YOUR comfort zone. YES he has been fair with money, but that doesnt make it OK for him to be UNfair with you.

I think you have received some great advice. :hug:

I don't know about your situation but I do agree with a lot of things that have been said. Boundaries are important. Setting them and keeping them.

Glad you have a counselor. It seems like you need to talk to him more about this and how you can be strong to set boundaries. The other question I would have is your ex's behavior--it borders on abusive from what I've just read. Abuse is about control and he's trying to control and manipulate you. So is this an abusive relationship or one where he just can't let go and truly doesn't know what he wants, a product of confusion rather than abusive behavior? Only you and your counselor can determine that as you know your ex. But if it IS abusive, then by all means seek the advice of a woman's shelter on how best to proceed--for your safety and your child's.

Hang in there. Continue to be strong. This situation is tough and it's no wonder that Olivia is clingy. Divorce is rough on everyone.

:hug:

you have gotten lots of good advice Renee. He is abusing you but you
know that already.

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way for you and your little ones.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I talked to him when he called again at bedtime and told him to quit calling me that he could call for the kids but that was it. While I agree that his constant mental anguish he causes me is abuse I do want to make it clear that myself and kids are not nor have ever been in danger he would never be physically abusive in fact he has a pathological avoidance of confrontation, thus why he leaves notes or emails or phone calls to deal with negative situations.

I think moi (my secret asian man) LOL- has a point while I DO love myself, it has been hard especially living with my parents where I have no support...all my mother does is yell at me and knock me down further (its always been that way) thats why I moved out so young...to get away from the negativity, she truly DOES mentally abuse me and always has, but she also totally and completely does not give a darn that I have MS in fact most of the time she says things like well what did you use as an excuse before you had MS? My ex however was always very supportive in that regard, so on days when I feel like poop and hear nothing but what a big lazy arsed faker I am from my mom it is easy to talk to him and let him be sympathetic.

My counselor is aware of course of all of these things and we are working on it the biggest step is just getting a job right now and moving out on my own again....I will be to exhausted and in pain to want to talk to anyone! LOL

hey little sister... I find singing to be good therapy...

so, start singing along with me, loud and clear:

Baby, you come knocking on my front door
Same old line you used to use before
I said yeah...well...
What am I supposed to do?
I didn't know what I was getting into


So you had a little trouble in town
Now you're keeping some demon down
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my...
Stop draggin' my heart around

(Stevie Nicks & Tom Petty)

What AMN says!!

As Oprah or Dr. Phil or somebody said, the past predicts the future.

You love him, but you've read that book. Things don't change.

LOL silly sister Kay u know I love to sing with you and that is one of my fav songs! Hey I've just had an idea, I'm gonna load up my i-pod with that type of song and listen to it all day!!! Look out Nancy Sinatra!

Just want you to know I'm thinking about you!:hug:

...and while you are adding songs to your ipod, add I will survive...cause you certainly will!!

It sounds like your ex needs to grow up, along with your mother...I think we lived the same life, only my ex was more abusive in nature. But you will find your strength and you will be a force to be reckoned with, yes you will!!!

Renee, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this carp. James Dobson has an excellent book, "Love Must Be Tough", which deals with this kind of situation. IT IS OK for you to step away from him. IT IS OK for you to focus on yourself and your kids.

And what's with your mom? How horrible! She sounds like SHE needs counseling! Some people seem to need to knock others down in order to build themselves up.

What kind of job are you looking for? Let me know what you need and I'll have DH keep his ear to the ground for openings. And don't forget, you can count on us to sympathize. You don't have to get that from your ex.

Lots of hugs going your way!