Since August, if I logged in, that was as far as I got - logging in. I then immediately fell asleep. I would wake up hours later with my fingers poised on the keyboard. I am not even sure if I tried to do that much after September or October.

To those who have attempted (sometimes repeatedly) to reach me by phone, email, card, pm or carrier pigeon, your concerns astound and overwhelm me. I am not worthy of such kindness especially when none of the correspondence was returned.

I was not able to return your generosity. In the beginning, it was simply a matter of time. There just were not enough hours in the day. Now, I am either too numb, too depressed, too apathetic towards life or a combination of all three.

My father got sick in August and after much suffering, passed away on Thanksgiving Day. It’s a long, long story but I was there every single minute that I could be while still trying to maintain my full time job. Thank God for understanding bosses and clients. I used nearly seven weeks of vacation and over 90 hours of sick time to be there for him and we lost. It was all for nothing. I gave up everything and nearly forsook my husband and everyone else and it was for nothing. In the end, he took his last breath with me holding his hand and my head lying on his shoulder.

I am beyond devastated. I cannot quit crying. I know everyone says it takes time.....

Anyway, I am attempting my way back and I wanted to start by apologizing to those who must be wondering what they did to me for me to ignore them so. I am sorry. Someday, I hope I can try to make it up to you.

I truly am so, so sorry..... and this is all I can manage for now.

Awwwww, you poor thing. I'm so sorry about you losing your dear father. What a lucky man he was to have such a devoted daughter as you, Carolina.

I hope you will continue to post. As you surely know, there are so many caring and compassionate people here.

God bless you for being there for your dear Dad. What a special man he must have been. I hope you will tell us about him sometime.

Carolina,

One thing I have learned around here is you never have to apologize. We all have been through rough times and although they may not be exactly like yours, the folks here are very caring. Keep us updated and remember we are here for you. Take care of yourself.

For nothing? No! One of the greatest gifts God gave me was the time I spent caring for my Dad over his last weeks of life. My prayer that I could be with Dad as he passed was answered, and he took his last breath in my arms. I will never, ever regret those hours. It was a privilege for me, and a gift of respect to him.

Of course you are physically and emotionally drained. Give yourself some time to refill your body and soul. It won't happen overnight, but one morning you will wake up and feel "not quite as bad as yesterday", and you will know the healing process has begun.

You are in my prayers.

Carolina, I was saddened to read about your father's passing, and I am so darn sorry! I wish there was something more I could say, but please know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as always.

If there's anything I can do, any words that you need to hear... you know that you can count on me!

If you feel you owe anyone an aoplogy please try not to worry about it. I'm sure those people will understand in the circumstances.....what are friends for, if not to forgive?

Sending you love and my heartfelt condolences.....

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this right now . I really hope things get better for you soon and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

I lost my grandad on the 22nd November and it is so hard for all of us. He passed away from Pneumonicosis (sp?) and some type of Pneumonia. It was so hard as one minute he was fine and the next, he was gone. If you ever want someone to talk to, I am here for you - please feel free to drop me a PM as I do understand some of what you are going through .

Take care and know that you are in my thoughts.

sorry to hear about your Father remember he is always near you, in your heart, always

hope you get to feeling better soon

ahhhh, Carolina...

I missed you.

the pain will become less in time, I promise.



we're here for you.

I'm so sorry to hear about you dad. I lost my mom around thanksgiving in '98, and the holidays are still bittersweet to me. I cried for a long time after she passed, tears are normal and a gift right now. Give yourself permission to cry right now.

And I agree with the others. It was not for nothing. You were there for him when he needed someone the most. You are a very caring individual.

Another here who spent the last moment with my Dad as he passed.

Truly, Carolina, it was NOT for nothing. He knew you were there and he knows how you feel now and I am willing to bet he wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this.

I hope you feel better soon. You are in our prayers.