[DizzyLizzy]

I got a text from my sister about an hour ago, telling me that her boyfriend kicked her our of their condo. He was mad that she was taking a nap...on a Sunday afternoon and apparently he did not like that. No matter about the fact that this jerk didn't come home Saturday night at all, because he was out drinking all night....

She told me that she "does not know what to do, or where to go....and that she wants to die......"

There is NOTHING I can do to help her! Her phone is turned off. His phone is turned off. I live in MN, they live in Florida . And to top it all off, I purchased a plane ticket about a month ago with the intention to "surprise" to surprise her this coming Wednesday .... specifically to celebrate her ONE YEAR OF SOBRIETY with her! ARRGGGHHHHHHH I am so mad!!!

This guy thinks that his sh*& doesn't stink, and that he is a "Gift" to the female race...... I swear, there is not a pedestal BIG ENOUGH to hold his oversized EGO!!!!

I am SO ANGRY right now! I have been waiting for this day since I was an 8 year old little girl and I am now forty! My sister was a serious drug addict by the time she was 13years old, and ran away at that time too. I was a little girl who felt lost and abandoned and to be quite honest.....I have not truly come to grips with the pain this has caused in my heart. I feel so helpless right now. I feel sick to my stomach and my body is shaking uncontrollably. The only wish that I have E VERhad in my life, is for my sister to be sober, happy... for her to be in my life. Her sobriety is in danger right now, along with my life long dream...I don't know how I can help her..... WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO THIS????? WHY?

I want her to be ok....I need her to be ok.

[SallyC]

I'm sending up all my prayers, right now, for your Sis, in hopes she will get the strength to hold on and know that she is not alone.....and for you, so that you can have peace of mind..

[Kitty]

I'm praying for you and for your sis, too.

[kicker]

You have no control of this I'm sorry. It's up to your sister to decide what she does. you can feel happy or terrible at her decisions but you do not control them. Some things we do, some we don't. Continue your support of her and your love. This counts a lot. But your dream may not be her dream or reality. A sister is so important to us, but we have little control of them or them us. I did not like some of my sister's life choices but I control hers as little as she controls mine. When I married 31 years ago, my loving brother told me he gave my marriage 6 months. He's dead now, but DH had withstood kids, money problems and MS. 31 years!!!!!

[Dejibo]

I have a sister that is a serious drug addict, alcoholic and abused person. She frequently picks the wrong men in her life to lead her. I am always amazed that she can climb that hard road, do so well, be awesome and then...I get the phone call telling all about Doug! or Jim or Joe or whome ever it is this month. How wonderful he is, and how they are gonna take care of each other, and how she finally found true love! My sister confuses sex with love, and believes if they will have sex with her, they must love her...yes? NO!

I have worked for decades and have had to reach some very tough decisions for myself. My sister is no longer 8 and while I want to protect her, and show her a better way, she doesnt want to hear it. She knows I am here for when she truly needs me. She can call night or day.

I bet your sister knows the same. She KNOWS how much you love her. She knows that you are waiting by the phone to see how she made out. You can be ready by looking up phone numbers for shelters in her area, so she wont have to look them up. Remind her she can call collect. Offer her your plane ticket so she can come to MN if she wants. This way the whole ticket isnt lost. If she doesnt want it, call the airlines, and see if you can either get a refund, or trade it for a trip to another place. You are going to have to trust in her that she will call, and she will bring you up to speed on everything that is happening, but for now, she may just need time and space to clear her own head, and figure out what she wants/needs to get done in order to move forward. Clearly there were larger issues than her falling asleep on the couch, and it was just the topic that broke open the dam.

Just keep telling yourself. she is a grown woman. She knows you are there for her. she can and will make good choices. Before you know it, she will be ringing your phone. If you truly feel she is in danger, you can speak to the local police of the town she was staying in, but she may view that as intrusive, and out of bounds.

PLEASE make sure IF you invite her back into your life, that there are rules, boundaries and limitations about what YOU and your family are willing to tolerate, even for a short visit. I have held a very firm line with my sister, and it has worked miracles for me to NOT sit up and cry all night. I have told her that she is an adult and needs to act like one. I love her, but wont let her take me under again.

Hang in there. you can PM me if you like. I know EXACTLY how you feel.

[braingonebad]

Kicker is right. Some people just live to be the drama in everyone else's life.

I don't know what happened in your sis's life to make her lash out at the world, but there is nothing you can do to make her want to live up to YOUR expectations.

Have you ever seen the show, *Intervention*? You might want to watch that. If you don't have the channel on cable, have a frined tape it or look it up on the net.

I think you'll see that there are ways for you to stop feeling bad about how she lives, stop feeling like there is something you can do to change her, and stop letting her suck you in every time her world implodes.

You don't need her stress, you have enough of your own.



Trust me, I've had a couple of these drama queens, men and women, around me. all they do is suck the life out of you. The best thing for evryone is to get some distance, let them either work it out or crash and burn - they're going to do it anyway, they don't need to drag you along for the ride.

As for me, I'm sick of the hospital visits, the courts, the jails, the drunken/drugged up calls at 3 am.

[kicker]

I have a friend, his brother was poster child of not well adjusted, Drugs, illegitimate children, bad relationships, etc. He said his brother liked living in a soap opera. Drama!!
It made him angry, no on noticed or said anything about the good choices he made, Work, business, etc. But a semi-good action by his brother hailed more positive reinforcement from others because it was so unusual than his mundane, better ordered life. No kudos for him. As I discovered with my students so would not give them attention for bad, negative actions that usually got more response than positive behavior. I wanted positive, so focused on that, not the negative. That helped stopped it. Most people want attention, and if bad behavior was what it took, so be it.

[azoyizes]

Amy, it is so very hard to stand by and watch a loved one get addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever, and not be able to do a thing about it.

I am so very happy that you went down to Florida, got your sister moved out and into a safe place, and everything.

You are the best!