[MelissaLH]

My bilateral TOS has plateaued. Even after doing different types of physical therapy for a year and a half, I don't have enough functional ability to perform a job let alone get back into grad school, yet I have no income and cannot maintain like this forever. I CANNOT work using my computer degrees. Because of all of this, I have finally made the decision to have surgery, but I get so frightened as I hear about the negative consequences from the surgery that I can't help but wonder if it's even worth it to put my body through it?

My TOS is the result of a whiplash injury from my car being rear-ended, which is supposed to have a decent outcome, but I don't want my neck to destabilize, my brachial plexus to get niked, or RSD to set in, none of that. I honestly couldn't stand it, but I can't stay how I am either. I just want to break down and cry dictating this... from frustration, depression, and the awful lack of control. I was always a fighter for social justice, my friends and associates, AND for myself, a punk DIY girl that could tackle anything I set my mind on, learned to do anything I tried and do it well. Now I'm afraid of driving my own car for the pain...

So do I take the jump and have surgery and live with the consequences, or figure out how the heck I'm going to live like this? I was recently told I need to apply for SSD, but that won't save me, not with the long denial and appeal process. I've got a lawyer for the car accident, but she's not doing much of anything yet so I have no idea what will really come out of that. I know I have to come to this decision myself and obviously I'm wrestling with it, but I still wish that surgery didn't have to look like such a horrific decision...

Sorry for the rant...

Melissa