Not this fall.

I have had a restful summer however my headaches are still daily, word retrieval under stress is still an issue, long periods of concentration difficult and my inability to read negative input without taking it personally has been very hard.

Yesterday, I interviewed candidates for my my position, a 2 hour process and after the first hour, I was exhausted and by the end of the 2nd hour, I was stuttering and needed assistance to walk to my classroom, melting tearfully into my colleague's arms.

This decision not to go back to work was easy under the circumstances however my heart aches heavily. My husband has been sooo supportive, driving me everywhere for doctor appointments.

Recently, I had a neuro-psche test (8:30am - 2:00pm) at Dartmouth Hitchcock, which was extremely taxing. Slept all the way home (1 1/2 hrs) arriving home at 3:30pm - went straight to bed and slept till 9am the next day. I am waiting for the results.

I am scheduled to see a cognitive behavioral therapist in November.

My husband, a teacher also, starts school tomorrow and now I will be home alone and unable to drive. We live rurally, no sidewalks, actually no downtown even to walk too.

I am concerned about my well being and having some sort of routine. This truly is the first time I will be alone. Most people would love this but I am not my normal self. This has stopped me in my tracts and I must say I was on many tracts, mom, wife and a teaching job that started at 7:30am - 4:30pm with an hour commute.

So forum, I hope to make some new friends to walk this journey in my home in NH with this amazing technology that reaches YOU.

Thank you to those who previously responded to my first post. I was unable to spend time on the computer during most of the summer because of the intensity of light. This has gotten better over time, if I keep the time limited and right about now my headache is telling me to stop. And I have learned to listen.

Peace,
Grady Lady

Grady lady,

Sorry to hear of your continued struggles.

This decision to not teach is a tough one to be sure. I have worked in self-employment since I was 19. Now, my wife needs to work to keep us afloat. I had retired her from gainful employment the month before we got married. Now, thirty years later, she has re-entered the work force and makes less than she made per hour in 1980. The US Census Bureau pays lousy wages unless you live in a high cost of living area. Proctoring "No Child Left with a Mind" tests pays just as poorly.

When I had to make the decision to stop working with her constant assistance and apply for Social Security Disability, we thought we could make it with SSDI and a small Work Comp paycheck. Well, the WC paycheck was denied. I qualify for SSDI but do not have enough disability to qualify for WC. Go figure.

Tough decisions.

It sounds like you have a rural home setting. Have you considered what you can do by getting outdoors as often as possible? I used to love walking my two late beagles around the farmers fields until they built houses on those fields. I find that nature's sounds are soothing to my brain.

Maybe a dog to accompany you on walks outside will be helpful. You can start some new tracks in the wilderness as you find the new you. Maybe you could offer foster care for rescue animals as a short term experiment for a walking companion. Pets are great at helping one with a regular schedule. My beagles would bring me their leashes at about the same time each day.

My 84 year old mom gets rousted by her cock-a-poo to walk around the block to get the mail.

I have similar driving limits. I find that I can drive in certain situations. My biggest problem is distractions. I can easily forget that I am driving if I get distracted. One thing I have found is that a vehicle that has lots of feed-back to the driver helps me stay focused on the task of driving. If I get in my wife's cushy Yukon SUV, I will easily get distracted. If I try driving my rickety old pick-up truck with all of it's rattles, I do much better.

I have to avoid congested traffic areas. They easily overwhelm me. I have been flipping used cars recently. The newness of each car helps me stay focused for the few miles I need to drive them as I repair and road test them. The problem solving challenges that have no set time requirement give me a good outlet for brain exercise.

Have you started an application for Social Security Disability Insurance? Or, have you chosen to not participate in Social Security with a teachers' plan that qualifies for exemption? Getting the application started creates a task to follow through with.

I struggle with getting tasks started much less finished. There is a medical term for it when it is physiologically caused. Something like Initiation Disorder. Common to brain injury subjects. My wife leaves notes for me to find to get tasks done. Occasionally, I can act without prompting. I have to look around the house and try to find something that triggers a thought of a task, like doing a load of laundry or unloading the dishwasher.

Miracles do happen.

As you consider you current situation, you might notice that your limitations are often similar to the limitations of some students. Our educational system seriously misses the boat when it tries to provide services for students with sensory difficulties and cognitive limitations. My wife notices many school environments where I would be quickly overwhelmed.

As you take inventory of your condition, you have an excellent opportunity to gain understanding from the perspective of students with educational challenges.

Are you in the Sunapee Lakes region or the Winnepesaukee Lakes region? My dad used to take us canoeing on Sunapee and we would vacation and water ski on Winnepesaukee. My family settled on the north side of Winnepesaukee about 300 years ago. I'd love to be able to walk the woods of New Hampshire again. But, I live in Idaho so I will just make do and enjoy my west coast grandkids.

btw, What grades and subjects do you teach?

My best to you.

Thank you Mark. This truly is a huge adjustment but I am hopeful. Life is full with so many possibilities, I know deep down I only need to find new ways to live positively in this world as you have found to do with your work here on this site, helping sooo many people which I know are very grateful.

Regarding the pet idea, wonderful but I rent - unfortunately no pets allowed.

I am presently writing to my principal to enroll me in the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). I am not going to be on the payroll, and with 2 in college and one doing his Masters, financially the kids have had to readjust to this also. I've contacted the schools and have received more assistance - thank goodness!

About the Social Security Disability - I didn't know I would be eligible because of the FMLA - am I? If I am how do I proceed from here? But if I eventually go back to work will that effect my benefits at retirement age?
So many questions????

My brain LOVES the green outdoors. I live near Lake Winnepauskee. And yes, it is sooo beautiful here! I am a stones through from Red Hill and before the accident, I hiked almost every day. Not these days though but I'm not giving up on that goal.

Driving - when I tried on a back road - everything was moving too fast at 25 mph so I can't even consider a main road yet. I am going to vertigo doc in Sept to look into this. I used to be a crazy dancing music teacher and movin' and grovin' like that just isn't the same, maybe in time.

Oh yes, I have been seeing my students with disabilities through a different lens now, especially when it comes to multi-tasking and speed of processing. If anyone in my family is rushing about, it totally unnerves me. And trying to cook 2 things at the same time, I have too concentrate till it hurts. Gratefully, my husband loves to cook!

I have been making lists to get things done. This has helped quite a bit. If in fact I don't, I find myself spinning around trying to remember where I was going and attempting to do. Back to the list I go!

Lastly, I teach K-6 general music, beginner and advanced band before and after school and world music drumming. With this injury, unfortunately it is impossible to reenter that wonderful world of music making. My work was living joy! School started today as I write this...it's too emotional to even go there.

So I'm off to clean house and laundry, my new tasks, and to think all those years when my kids were small I HAD to work and now that they are gone and I am home alone - such irony!!!

Peace, Mark.

Wow, Red Hill.

I hiked that many times as a youth. I took my family there to hike to the observation tower and pick blue berries about 15 years ago. I was also doing some genealogy research.

Have you hiked the trail to the tower? Do you know of a hole in the ground lined with large rocks about half way up the trail on the left?

That is a well pit dug by my 6th great grandfather Israel for his trapper's cabin built on Red Hill. It was the most northern cabin at the time. He trapped and surveyed the area and up into Coos County. He dug the well in the early 1700's.

Looking north from Red Hill is a mountain called Israel Mountain named after him. There is a river north of Whitefield toward Lancaster called Israel's River. His brother John has his name on the river than flows through Whitefield. There is an island off Moultonborough Neck named after our family. They owned the land on Moultonborough Neck where the Castle now stands.

I know what you mean by the traffic whizzing by too fast. I had a difficult time learning to ride shotgun as my wife drove. I finally learned to focus my eyes on distant objects or inside the car. The objects near the car were going by way too fast for my brain to process.

Before I stopped most of my driving but soon after moving to Idaho from too busy California, I was driving my jalopy truck down a main thoroughfare at about 25 mph. Cars were passing me like I was standing still but I was comfortable driving 25. At first, I thought I was just mellowing. Then, I had a neuro-psych and some other tests that showed that my visual processing was seriously slowed. I was driving as fast as my brain could process. Now, 35 mph is my limit.

I find that I do much better in a truck or suv that sits higher off the road. When I look down on most cars and the road is farther down, the relative speed is easier to accommodate. I took a driving evaluation in a normal passenger car at a rehab hospital. I got very overwhelmed once we were in a heavy traffic area. It appeared to me that cars whizzing past my shoulder was just too much. When I am in my wife's Yukon suv, they are much lower and do not overwhelm me visually.

I also do better if the car has lots of feedback to the driver, like stiffer steering, not so sound proofed, etc. In other words, no cushy ride cars.

The driving evaluator ( an Occupational Therapist) thought I did great even after I had a melt down and needed to pull to the side of the road and stop. She couldn't see the chaos going on in my brain.

Regarding Social Security Disability, If you have been paying into Social Security and get the annual report of benefits, you qualify. Look at your last statement from Social Security. It list you disability pay earned. You can start you application online at http://www.ssa.gov/disability/

They will have a neuropsych evaluate you and make a determination. Your own neuropsych report can be used with your application. It can take a while to get approved. Took me three years then I got a big back-pay check. The standards for people over 50 make it much easier to qualify. They do not expect you to be retrained into a new profession.

I applied claiming my neurological injury. They approved me based on behavioral dysfunctions, i.e. inability to respond properly to stress, and other such symptoms of PCS. They had an employment psychologist and a occupational therapist evaluate my records. I should have been approved the first time but an accounting error made it look like I earned too much money.

The SGA (Substantial Gainful Activity) limit is $1000 per month. If your disability prevents you from earning more than $100 per month, you qualify by SGA standards. Once approved, you can continue to earn less than $100 per month and qualify. Maybe you could tutor or teach private lessons. Probably not drums or screeching horns or violins.

Your sensibilities to brain processing struggles will be quickly recognized as acceptance by those students with the same struggles. I work in the nursery at church. The 18 month old kids who are reserved or shy like my slower pace. I think there is a connection when they look into your eyes. My two late beagles (both passed away in the past three months) were very good at recognizing my down days.

I hope this is helpful. I'll be off visiting my grand kids for the weekend. I'll check back Sunday. I think you will be fine. You live where there are lots of great people. I love the independent but neighborly style of the New Hampshire people.

My best to you.

What a small world, Mark!

Yes, I know the spot on Red Hill you speak of - pass it every time I go up - I thought it was a foundation to a house- a well pit, who would have thunk!

How cool about your family's roots here.

I hiked Rattlesnake this past weekend, I should say walked, much easier than Red Hill, oh what a view of Squam Lake. While at the top, a group of Plymouth State University students descended on us and stretched themselves out to eat lunch. A professor was pointing out the sites and I overheard him say, there is Mt. Israel. It immediately caught my attention. Then at a gathering with friends, someone mentioned Mt. Israel Rd. Needless to say, this all has new meaning now!!

Thanks for the information regarding Social Security. I still have not heard from my neuro - psychiatrist about the results of my testing. I'll let you know how that goes when I hear and what steps to take next.

I have a few questions regarding diet and vitamin therapy. I am a 2 cup coffee drinker and enjoy a Harpoon in the evening. In some of your threads you have advised against coffee and alcohol. Why? My neurologist didn't say anything to me about it when I told him.

My husband is skeptical of vitamins and all their "so called" claims and wants to know the scientific research that would substantiate their benefits regarding PSC. Can you help me out with some guidance as to where I might be able to provide us with the concrete evidence? He is very concerned for me in not being mislead, since I don't react well to meds. We are very cautious.

Is it common when using the computer to get headaches? It seems when I overdo it, reading and sending messages for a couple of hours, I get a headache on the top of head like a spider web feeling. It's a drag because it is my only contact with the outside world since I am not driving. Any suggestions?

Well the LONG weekend is here along with Earl but hey, everyday is a weekend for me now!! I'm getting to like it indeed, this rest thing, a new way of living indeed. An odd "benefit" for getting hit on the head.

Peace

A simple answer for your husband would be this. If you don't want me taking any vitamins, then we need to start eating all freshly prepared food. Nothing that comes in a box or can or ready for the microwave.

Our food today has been over produced and over processed. By over-produced, the growers grow it as fast and big as possible for the least cost. This leaves the soil and fruit or vegetable lacking in many nutrients. When we eat this food, the nutritional values are much less than our body needs. An injured body needs even more nutrition.

The brain needs the precursors to the critical neurotransmitters and also the amino acids and fatty acids that are used to repair the brain cells. The main stream food producers will say that they add the necessary nutrients during processing. The Big Pharma companies say that vitamins are not needed, just their patented medicines.

Interestingly enough, recently, two big pharma cos have patented forms of niacin and Omega 3 fatty acids. They develop most of their patented medicines to mimic naturally occurring substances. St John's Wort is the source of research into anti-depressants.

The simplest way to handle this is to try a nutrition program. It will take a few months to start to see any benefit. First, you need to undo the deficiencies. Then you can start the healing process.

My wife can tell when I have run out of some of my vitamins. My behavior changes. She will drive 15 miles to Costco and back just to get me back on my regimen.

I do not know of any double blind studies. They would be very costly. The evidence is mostly anecdotal but based on the anecdotal accounts of thousands if not millions of people.

Some blood work will help. You can be tested for Folate, Vit B-12, Vit D. You want to be at the top of the normal range for each since an injured brain will likely struggle at the bottom of the normal range. For example. B-12 range is 176 to 840. I am at 1067.
Folate range is 2.6 to 19.5 I am at 20 plus.
I take substantial doses of both to get to this level.
If I did not, I would be much lower.

Some people do not process B-12 through their digestive tract very well. It is a hereditary thing. Those people will benefit from B-12 injections. 28 years ago, I suffered from a deep depression. My doctor got me on good nutrition and gave me B-12 shots. Within 8 weeks I was a different person. No drugs, just getting my body and brain healthy.

Caffeine is an excito-toxin. It can stimulate ( exicite) brain cells to a point of damage. Two cups spread out over the day should not be a big problem. A single drink also should not be a problem. Getting tipsy or worse, getting drunk, is definitely counter-indicated for an injured brain. If you look up the metabolism of caffeine, you will find that it interacts with your adrenaline system. It can raise you blood pressure and do other things to stress a brain.

Hope this helps.

My best to you.

btw, When you hear someone mention Israel (Mountain, Road, River), You can tell them that he trapped the north woods and surveyed that area for the King. Many of the property lines ( Mason Grant lines) were survey by Israel and his brothers and father. Then he and his brothers joined the Continental Army and fought against the King. Partiotic turncoats they were. Off Moutonborough Neck is Glines Island, named after my family. There is a greater concentration of Glines descendants around the Lakes area than anywhere else in the USA.