This is my first post on this user name because I forgot the password to the other. I'm 20 attending Umass Amherst. When I was eighteen I received my fifth or so concussion, a really bad one in a Junior hockey game. My life has never been the same.

I've been reading through the recent blogs and the football player/weight lifter that has thoughts of suicide and pointlessness of life I can somewhat relate too. I seem to get worse then better, then worse again. Its the most frustrating thing in the world to have your life forever changed. Before the hit I considered myself great with words, speech and communication. That has all been stripped away from me with intense feelings of anxiety when having to speak, and on and off depression that at times can be overbearing.

One aspect that makes this suck so bad is because I sound fine to a person that doesn't understand PCS. In reality though, I battle it every single day.

Here are some of my symptoms-
-vivid, long lasting dreams when I sleep, never getting good rest.
-a weird sensation in my head, almost like a pressure. It is something that I can feel.
- always wicked tired. even after sleeping 10 hours. Feel like I need naps
-social anxiety on and off depending on my mood.
-rapid mood swings that I have absolutely no control over.
-bad depression, thoughts of suicide creep into my thoughts
-Concentration is bad when I don't have a lot of sleep


It's atleast comforting to know that people also experience this stuff not just me. It is extremely frustrating and a constant battle. I guess my question that I'll throw out there is this..everytime I seem to be getting alittle better and my mind isn't soley on this stuff, I somehow keep getting knocked lightly on the head again. I mean lightly. Can PCS really come about by the faintest blows after you've experienced it before? I'm afraid soon that the wind will bring about intense PCS symtoms for cryin' out loud. (sarcasm) I don't know people on this site seem to understand this pretty well and some are going through this stuff pretty bad with me. If anybody wants to talk about this please email me, **. I've been going through it for over two years now and know some strategies and things like that. Thanks.