Wow... I cant believe yesterday was five months. I have to say it seems much longer. I've come so far and I'm grateful for that. I just seem to have so far to go.

I did push myself last weekend. I starting painting my basement. You see life before PCS it was no big deal. Painting was my passion, my therapy, my way of making things better. I felt so good putting my ear buds on, listening to my favorite music, ignoring the whooshing sounds and pain. I just needed to feel.....Happy I guess.

The last two days have been awful for me. It's like I went backwards a few months. I've been scary down. Usually I can pick myself up but the last two days have been so hard. I stare out in a fog, totally depressed. My husband keeps asking why I look the way I do. He knows its bad.

I do have an intake appt on the 28th. I'm hoping they can teach me how to deal with all the changes going on in my head. I dont know the person I've become. I told my husband today that I dont know myself anymore. My thoughts are pretty bad lately and I know I'm overwhelmed.

I'm taking all the meds they gave me but I haven't had any therapy to date. I've thought about going to the er but they'll just shove me full of meds and send me home. To tired to really care how I feel. That isn't how I want to live my life.

Tonight is the night my job is having there Christmas party. Oh and I wasn't invited. I thought that was pretty bad. I haven't even got a get well card and this accident happened at work. So I really upset and pist that I work for a group of doctors who dont care about their employees.

Well I could go on and on as we all can. Thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to the time when I can post happy stuff. Keep it coming It gives me hope when sometimes it all just feels so hopeless.

Crystal,

I completely understand your thoughts and feelings, as I feel the very same way!!! Are you a Nurse by chance?? I've been out of work (again) since July and no one bothers with me. At. All. Not one staff member has reached out to ask how I am doing...yes, it hurts. Alot. But I have decided to not to let that get to me..it took time.
See, because it's our brain...it's not something obvious like a broken arm/leg etc...there is a prejudice...(this was validated by my Neuropsych). People think that we are "faking" or "playing up" the symptoms for compensation. I would gladly give my symptoms to one of the "fakers" and let them see what it's REALLY like to live day to day with this injury.
People can't show compassion for what they don't understand. Yes, it's ignorant and wrong. You feel like you're being kicked while you're already down.
I wish I had more for you, but just know that I understand your feelings and I'm sorry that you are in "that place"...I spent my entire Summer "there" and fear everyday that I'll go back...I have dark moments, but I'm now in the cycle of plain exhaustion...I'll take this over the anger and darkness...
I do hope each day is a better one for you...

At five months, I was still really struggling. I'm now eleven months out and, though I still have my bad days, I am light years ahead of where I was then.

It does get better, very very slowly. It's just frustrating to wait and wait for small improvements when you want to get back to 100% as soon as possible.

Do you paint artistically? Or are you painting walls? I took up coloring after my concussion. It was a low-stress activity that was interesting and helped me feel creative.

Hi Julie,

Im not a nurse. Im an MA for a cardiac practice. Since we're so close I was wondering who your seeing for MD's. Any of them specialize in PCS? I am going to the Head Injury clinic at H.H. and seeing Dr. Silverman at Hartford Neurology.

I think once this holiday is over I can get back to a better place. I'm not sure. Tonight I'm supposed to go to my Nephew's orchastra concert for three hours. There is no way I'll be able to do it after the week Im having. So I'll frustrate my family......again.

You say you live on the river side in Middletown. When I was growing up in Cromwell I would sit down on river road and watch the water. It used to be my go to place when I was feeling real bad. Maybe it's time I go back and visit my spot. It may bring me some clarity to my fuzzy confused mind.

Eowyn,

I'm so glad to hear of your improvements. How were you able to return to work? How long did it take? I work for a busy busy place and I'm scared to return. I know they will need to ease me back in but there is no quiet place to retreat to.

I was painting my cellar. Since the accident and loss of income we have decided to sell our home. I want to get top dollar for it.

Painting was my passion. It always amazes me how wonderful a room can look after some TLC. As a child I used to paint on canvas and write but a horrific childhood turned me off to it... I''m not sure why.

I told my husband after I recover from this black spell I will paint again but only for an hour at a clip. I way overdid myself but it felt so good to feel almost normal again.

We are our own worse enemies....lol

I went back to work on reduced hours (and a one-to-one teaching setting instead of whole-class instruction) at 7 months post-concussion. The amitriptyline has helped a lot.
It's been a slow process of building up endurance to increased sensory input and just hours of being out of the house interacting with people.

Today I subbed for a whole-group class for one class period. It was still pretty overwhelming. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to be able to feel comfortable doing that for a whole day again.

But compared to being alone in my dim, quiet room all day like I was at the beginning of the summer, the fact that I was able to attempt an hour of regular teaching is pretty darn amazing!