Wow... I cant believe yesterday was five months. I have to say it seems much longer. I've come so far and I'm grateful for that. I just seem to have so far to go.

I did push myself last weekend. I starting painting my basement. You see life before PCS it was no big deal. Painting was my passion, my therapy, my way of making things better. I felt so good putting my ear buds on, listening to my favorite music, ignoring the whooshing sounds and pain. I just needed to feel.....Happy I guess.

The last two days have been awful for me. It's like I went backwards a few months. I've been scary down. Usually I can pick myself up but the last two days have been so hard. I stare out in a fog, totally depressed. My husband keeps asking why I look the way I do. He knows its bad.

I do have an intake appt on the 28th. I'm hoping they can teach me how to deal with all the changes going on in my head. I dont know the person I've become. I told my husband today that I dont know myself anymore. My thoughts are pretty bad lately and I know I'm overwhelmed.

I'm taking all the meds they gave me but I haven't had any therapy to date. I've thought about going to the er but they'll just shove me full of meds and send me home. To tired to really care how I feel. That isn't how I want to live my life.

Tonight is the night my job is having there Christmas party. Oh and I wasn't invited. I thought that was pretty bad. I haven't even got a get well card and this accident happened at work. So I really upset and pist that I work for a group of doctors who dont care about their employees.

Well I could go on and on as we all can. Thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to the time when I can post happy stuff. Keep it coming It gives me hope when sometimes it all just feels so hopeless.