Mark you reminded me of a quote I used to say over and over again when I was doing very poorly cognitively:

“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard Baruch

I think I'll add it to the thread where we are putting encouraging quotes.

Over in the UK we have a very influential and poisonous tabloid press which I think contributes more than people realise to a culture of suspicion and mistrust in many areas of life. Some of its regular targets are workers who take sick days and people who are on incapacity benefit, so there are constantly outraged headlines picking on some individual who has been found to be lying about their illness, or denouncing swathes of the population as 'benefit cheats'.

They love to secretly film people or tap their phones, trying to catch them out doing something which their stated illness might preclude them doing - and there's never any acknowledgement that people can have good and bad days, or a limited amount of tolerance for certain activities.

It leads to a general attitude that if someone says they are sick they are probably either lying, hypochondriacs or just lazy. Whenever someone sees me doing something vaguely challenging I feel like I have to go on and on about how I'm having a particularly good day today and about all the opther problems I'm having, otherwise I'll be compared to some stupid tabloid story about some guy who was off work with a bad back but has been found to be a trapeze artist in his spare time.

I was referring to reciprocity in a broader and more abstract sense, such as the belief that people get what they deserve and reap what they sow. Perhaps 'reciprocity' isn't quite the right word for expressing that point. In any case, I can come up with no other explanation as to why so many people, without any evidence, just assert that if someone is suffering, then he or she must have done something bad to deserve it. Not only can I think of no other explanation, but what I was saying about some people's inability to accept undeserved suffering (either their own or others') explains this behavior nicely.

It's also interesting that many people will think the same thing about themselves: If they are the victim of a tragedy, they will think that they must have done something to deserve it. In fact, I think that most of us have a tendency to at least sometimes wonder whether we are being punished in response to something we did. This is a widespread, cross-cultural phenomenon that seems to have deep roots in the human psyche.

In any case, Mark, I appreciate your less cynical perspective (than mine) on how we should understand others' lack of concern, and what we can do about it.

Pete

My mom always talks in a very stern tone and constantly yells all the time about everything...this makes it hard for me to talk to her. I've told her over and over that I can't talk to her if she's gonna argue or talk to me in that tone...she says:

"I don't even want to be around you...I can't be normal around you."

Awesome.

When I explained to her how an argument can screw me up for days, she says "That only happens because you think it..if you don't think it it won't happen."

I want out of here so bad. This house is a huge stress ball.

Sorry, man. It doesn't sound like there's an easy answer to this one. Do you know any friends you can move in with? Can you find a cheap studio apartment somewhere?

Pete,

Not really asking for help...just thought I'd continue to share some of the hurtful things people have said to me. I'm working on getting out of here...it's just rough right now being disabled and collecting Unemployment.