My fellow hermit (Pete),

I'm sorry to hear your living pretty much the way I am...it's not the business. Thank you for spacing out and numbering your reply, too.

Your light sensitivity sounds pretty vicious. I, too, am struggling with light sensitivity...as you can see in my signature. I'm not sure it's as serious as your's, but it's pretty bad. I have my computer/laptop screen turned all the way down...and when I'm in the dark room, that still doesn't help. My smart phone is on the lowest setting as well. I'm going to have to try that transparent cover over the screen thing. You described it pretty good in a prior post...it's like when your taking a nap and someone comes in and turns the lights on suddenly...lol.

Are you able to work?

What kind of OCD were/are you struggling with? I'm dealing with some extreme OCD myself...I don't even want to talk about it in public, maybe I'll PM you sometime about it?

Thank you so much for the encouraging words...It truly, truly means a lot to me. I'm sorry it took me a minute to respond - I've been screwed up all day and just barely pulled myself free of that uncomfortable, debilitating mind-state.

Dmom3005,

Yeah, I'm working on it...I had an appointment with a NP who was really great to me the last time I seen her. I completely missed the appointment the 31st of last month because I wasn't even well enough to get out of bed. I'm hoping that the majority of these strange feelings and mind-states I'm put in are blood pressure related...and the medicine will do me justice.

Sorry to hear you went through something similar, glad you got it under control.

Thanks...

You sound very much the way I felt through most of November and December and January. I was seriously depressed. I mean, SERIOUSLY. I assume you've seen a psychiatrist? Seeing a counselor on a regular basis to talk to someone? Do you have a friend who can come hang out with you a couple days a week in the dark?

It sucks. It really and truly sucks. I am just starting to come out of it now after a med change and a lot of really horrible days. Hope you see light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Hi...yeah, I haven't really been depressed this whole time...mostly just anxiety and just slight depression. Now, my symptoms are starting to get worse...for some reason and I'm doing EVERYTHING right now....I'm avoiding arguments and stress, I'm spending my entire day in a dark room, I'm eating 3 meals a day (might not be the healthiest foods, but yeah), I'm taking vitamins, my stimulation is very minimal...No TV and limited computer time...I just don't get it. I could understand if the symptoms stayed the same, yeah it takes time to get better...but for it to get worse? It doesn't make sense.

THAT is what is making me depressed...that would make anyone depressed.

I tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...I became a space cadet after his first question. I'm not very good with conversations and keeping up with what people are saying...I get overwhelmed easily and just want to hide in the room away from everyone. I talk to my sister throughout the day, just small talk here and there...and I text with my ex-fiance. That helps me feel a little bit more alive. It doesn't fix the problem though ...

I'm considering a med change here pretty soon.

Are you playing video games on your smart phone?

When I play very simple games on my Android tablet, it will wipe me out.

I won't lie...I cheated and started playing a simple game on my Android. I was doing fine for a few days and then 2 nights ago while I was in the middle of a game...I suddenly went blank. I couldn't think at all. My mom asked me a question and it was like my brain didn't know how to respond anymore...I was lost for words. This is a new symptom for me.
..its different than my brain fog that I speak of because I can't "feel" my brain being tied in a knot...I'm just blank.

I stopped playing that night. Now, the past two nights I've had the same thing happen to me by just posting a long message on here.

Nick,

You need to find a way to progress with stimulating your brain in easy, low levels. Isn't the saying, "when idle minds.." and in the end you go crazy? Or something like that.

Maybe there's a small project you can concentrate on that has nothing to do with electronics. Do something that will make you feel good and accomplished afterwards. Maybe you can help your mom with something around the house.

Painting and drawing, or some sort of arts and crafts may help. Do something simple to get your brain stimulated again and then take periodic breaks.

If you want some inspiration, I'm at work right now with earplugs typing this in and I take periodic breaks during the day, a long one after lunch and then it's back to work/stimulation.

Give yourself some time to work out a plan, then execute it, then tweak it as you go along. Maybe even think of things you wouldn't normally do that might challenge your brain, but not too difficult you can't succeed so as to preserve your morale.

I really wish I had some words of comfort. I have known the depression you are going though, and have locked myself away for long periods of time like you are doing. I didn't have the brain trauma, I had an emotional trauma. I also had alot of medical issues to deal with at the sametime.I did go for council. I did start taking medications too for the depression. I told all my doctors what happened to me, and I finally got a pro-bono lawyer.

What got me out of this really started when I found this site. I was on overload, and could not cope with anything. If you can keep coming back here, even for a little while each day, it will give you some strengh and encouragement to keep trying. I wish you were not alone. I was lucky to have a friend that lives with me who helped me to get out of bed. Truthfully, I may be better with my physical parts, but this emotional stuff still gets to me. Beating back depression is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.
Since there is no resolution with my situation, I cannot resolve my emotional issues. I have to take part of my family to court. Until these issues are resolved in court, I am stuck in this funk, and still dealing with the physical stuff too. This site has helped me more than I can express.
None of what you are going through is easy. I don't think any of us has magic to make it go away. I only know that I get some strength from the other people here who can and do relate to the problems I have. That compassion has helped me more than anything else. I want my old life back too, and I 'm not going to get that no matter what I do. You kind of have to accept where you are at, and then try to move forward the best way you can. If you can get council, with someone who will have compassion and give you some coping skills, that may help you to make the first steps.

I hope you will come back here and keep trying to express what you are feeling. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. Even with your injury.
Things can and do get better with the right kind of help. If you try to reach out, this site and the people here won't let you down. The brokenness you feel can get better. I have come to accept, things I never thought I could before. I pray alot too. It starts to get better when you allow others to reach out back to you. I also hope you can do some kind of distraction from the depression, take a break, I read, and found I go to some place, any place than where I am at. Great Escape and it works. Even if it is just a paragraph. Your focus chances to something else. I really do care about the folks I meet here, and that includes you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. ginnie

Hello, thank you for you response, story and words of encouragement.

I just want to add that I'm not hiding out in my room because I'm depressed....I'm hiding in the room because I can't function. Depression is a problem I'm having but its not the underlining problem. I can't do anything without becoming overloaded....anything does that for me really...and when I say overloaded, I'm not talking about oh I'm overloaded, if I lay down for 15 min it will go away. I'm talking severely overloaded just by something small as a conversation where I can't function for the rest of the day....and sometimes the next. My threshhold seems to get smaller and smaller all the time. Pretty soon I'm not gonna be able to write on here anymore...seems to be headed in that direction.

I'm not over-exaggerating. It's very very bad and I can't put my finger on why I can tolerate less and less as the weeks go by. I don't even want to ask a doctor, they are no help.

You guys are amazing, I love how I can just come here and write how I'm feeling in a post and get tons of support from everyone. I don't have anyone else to really talk to about things...my younger siblings are too young, my mom is at work and school most the time...and I'm too embarrassed to talk to my dad's side of the family about what I'm going through.

Thanks.

This must have to do with the injury itself. Depression is a by-product of your injury. You can't take stimulation in any format for long. I am getting that. If this is seriously getting worse, and not responding to rest or anything else, you need to go in for another consultation. I know you said doctors have told you nothing or have not helped. Going in the direction you are going, is what I am worried about. Can you get to another neuro? You can't just lay back and except that kind of life, it is not good enough, as your quality of life period is getting hurt by this injury. Where is your home state? And TBI was diagnosed and nothing more was done for you? There has to be more help out there than what you are getting. What have you done so far with the medical field? Don't answer today if you are not up to it. I understand. I don't want to make your condition worse. I want you quality of life to get better. There has to be a better direction for you. I hope others on this site will respond to, and try to offer direction. I will look on the PC for symptoms you are describing with regard to injury. I wish I could help you. ginnie