[headcasey]

hi all, ive been suffering from post concussive syndrome for about five months now and im almost at my wits end. my personality has changed dramatically and im seem to alternate between fits of dejection and ambivalence, and general insecurity. i suffered a low grade concussion during my rugby teams' season opener in march and haven't been the same since. i did not lose consciousness and retained full memory of the trauma, however my symptoms refuse to abate and i am terrified that they may be permanent. i have since quit all of my contact sports and have been unable to exercise seriously for months; combined with my plummeting academic performance has lead me to become severely depressed and has distanced me from my friends and family. to make matters worse i had been previously suffering from self confidence issues pertaining to my mental performance as well as a bad experience i had with a football coach pressuring me to play with a torn meniscus. my two biggest hobbies for many years had been contacts sports, and high level academics ( namely abstract mathematics, the physical sciences, and history ). being unusually large and reasonably intelligent i felt that i could be both an academic and athlete, but it seems that a head injury is neither conducive to a healthy mind or body and i now find myself lacking them both. i slur my speech constantly and spend most of my days walking around in a melancholy haze, unable to think and reason on the level of my pre concussion self. furthermore, the slow progress of my recovery has left me unable to exercise recreationally in any capacity. these two forces in tandem have made spending time with my friends and family difficult, as i feel as though i am locked in some sort of mental competition with everyone i meet.this has lead to paranoia and obsessive compulsive behaviors that have strained previously close relationships. reading has become a chore and at times uncomfortable, and watching tv has become a labor intensive task but they're all i can do to keep from going completely stir crazy. i apologize for the long winded post and the disjointed nature thereof but this forum is my last ditch effort to cope with this problem on my own, as those close to me seem incapable of understanding what is happening to me or helping at all. ive begun to lose hope of ever regaining the old me, and have frequently pondered suicide. i have been prescribed amitriptyline for my concussive headache however its positive effects have been negligible. I'm just wondering ihow other people who have gone through this have addressed some of these challenges, because frankly i have no clue what to do next.