Hi everyone. My husband suffered a severe TBI back in Feb after falling from a skateboard. Glasgow coma scale of 7 upon admission to the hospital. ICU for a week, rehab for six weeks. He lucked out because he has no medical issues or physical side effects. He was doing really well for a long time, emotionally, and now he's just stressed and emotional and taking things personally...

He was supposed to ramp up to forty hour work weeks over an extended period of time, but he only took about a month to do so. I think this was a mistake. Since his forty hour work weeks started, he has been so irritable. Anything I do or say can set him off.... Anything that anyone says or does can set him off, though I'm the only person to really see it because he expresses himself to me. If I try to talk about things with him, if I try to troubleshoot or share observations about his behavior, I'm accused of micro-managing and blaming everything on his brain injury and being an *edit*. He won't give anyone the benefit of the doubt for anything, and he takes his interpretations of people's motives as gospel truth. I have to admit, I'm not exactly a stable rock and I deal with my own mental health issues (depression) and I'm having to handle this situation without family support or close friends, as we are overseas. I also miss my best friend (husband), who was my rock prior to this injury. I'm sure my emotionality is not helping the situation. Anyway..

He had bad habits prior to the injury such as not sleeping enough, occasional smoking, drinking too much coffee, and he is sliding back into those habits. If I talk to him about these habits, again, I get accused of micro-managing. I don't even approach these subjects often... It's just that if it's even discussed, he freaks on me.

I'm trying to decide if I should go to his boss (he's in the military so things can be worked out) and ask him to figure out a way to give my husband a break for a few more weeks, but I know if my husband finds out it will **** him off royally. I think scaling back by a couple hours a day would be beneficial to him. Is there something I'm not thinking of? Is there a better way to talk to him about things? I know it's impossible to eliminate all negative responses and outbursts are par for the course with his recovery.

I feel so lost.

Emily

Emily,

I'm sorry for what u and your husband are dealing with. Although I have no advice for you I can appreciate the frustrations of both parties.

How did he get injured? Was it work related?

Talk to your husband and try to make him understand if he doesn't take a step back and cut out the stressors he may never heal and what that means as a family. You have to make it his decision.

Have you thought about therapy as a couple or joining a support group in your area? You don't want to bottle it all up inside

Keep us posted

Kelly

These are symptoms of brain injury. The irritability, rigid thinking, going back to bad habits. They are kind of the way the brain copes with it's new deficits, the frustration of not thinking as agile and flexible as before, getting a bit "overloaded" at his thinking "hitting a wall". The brain kinda doesn't know any better, it doesn't know that some bits of itself aren't there anymore and things need to be "rerouted".

Yeah, all par for the course of recovery. Things do improve some with time. Slowly, a lot of his old personality will emerge. He does love you very much, you will get a lot of him back. He may also seem very self-centered, that's what injured brains do, too. It just takes a lot of time and self-focus to unscramble itself. Just know that everything he's doing is coping mechanisms that are what brains do on their way to figuring life out again.

Sounds like his thinking is somewhat more concrete and maybe less abstract than before, this accounts for that "hitting the wall" frustration. This means that instead of just talking to him about coffee / smoking, he may need to see more "concrete" evidence that these things make his brain worse, like a video or in print from an authoritative source. And he may not take them from you. Has he had any neuro care since being back to work? A therapist may help.

I wish I could help more, I did have lots of links but I just had to reinstall Windows on my PC and I've lost everything. :-(

When he gets irritated, try "redirecting" him... change the subject to something more positive. I.E. I have had some major chaos with my kitchen being demo'd and rebuilt due to a water leak. Once when my son was expressing anger about all the commotion and upheaval, I suggested that when it's done we should celebrate with cooking a favorite meal -- lobster, steaks, cake -- he latched on to that idea quick, his response was "LOBSTER!!"

Since then there has been little muttering, now he has something to look forward to at the end of this mess. Redirection need not be about changing a negative to a positive, when needed just change the subject to doing something else if possible to "sidetrack" him. Food works great!

Hope this helps a little, I'm just learning how to handle my son myself. I'm also totally alone in this and it is murder. Best wished to you.

Has your husband or yourself investigated the many aspects of TBI? If you know his commander personally and can trust she/he won't put you in the middle then that is where I would go.

Otherwise what type of doctor does he have. Is the doc forward thinking and subscribe to the philosophy that TBI has many aspects. Each aspect needs to be addressed. If the commander is out go to the doc and tell him.

The other type of doctor you are likely to encounter is the wait and it will get better type. This type is not very comforting to get stuck with. Either way it sounds like he is trying to hard.

How old is your husband? What are his symptoms? The biggest thing I struggle with is my thoughts can become disconnected and jumbled. I know this is not right but if I am not careful I will try and force my brain to do what it once did.

When that fails I go totally off the deep end with frustration. My wife has seen, felt this. It is awful to go thru this experience but I can see how hard it is on my family.

Thank you for the service of your husband and you for standing by him as he does his service.

Sonarlily,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. I am sorry to hear of your husband's struggles.

There are some resources for you to check out. The TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com will be a big help. You can watch the YouTube video series at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Xso...ature=youtu.be It may give you some perspective.

If you can approach his Commander, my suggestion would be this.

Ask the Commander to observe your hubby's behavior at work. Suggest that at home, it is magnified many fold. His commander can then suggest that hubby needs some help to learn to deal with the stresses of his job after his TBI. If his Commander puts it in a work place reference, your husband may be more receptive. Tell him to not mention your contact at all. His commander probably has already noticed some issues.

The military has lots of experience with TBI. There should be systems in place to help him. The fact that his injury was from private time activities should not prevent him from getting access to help.

Which branch is he in? What rank?

My daughter is a SSgt in medical administration in the full time Army Guard. She may have some tips for you.

btw, Burn his skate board. He does not have the tolerance for another head injury available.

I hope this helps.

My best to you both.

Thanks for your post. As a single military member (USMC) with TBI, my first instinct it to suggest backing off. I basically turned into a hermit. I can't imagine having a husband or kids while I go through this. I know that is not conducive to a marriage. I pushed everyone away, all my colleagues I met in my 15 year career in the Corps, Facebook deleted, relatives who wouldn't understand. It's just me and my dog who doesn't make suggestions or tell me how to do things but who loves me and kisses me all the time and comforts me just as I am.

The military medical has been all over me, they are wonderful. I go to the TBI clinic, neuropsych, social workers, occupational therapists and speech therapists and neuro feedback. They have been so helpful. grants from the military sent my dog to training to become my service dog.

When my family tells me "it will get better" I buck at them because maybe it will, maybe it won't. I am vvvveeeerrrryyyy slowly getting better. This was my fifth concussion, non combat related too.

I got a handful of the Mayo Clinic's "Brain Book" and passed it out to those that are close to me which they say has been real helpful.

The thing aside from the book that has really helped me was a group with other TBI's and my relationships with my doctors. The care is there. I go to Ft. Belvoir Community Hospital in VA, not sure where you are.

I can't imagine being in your shoes, I am sure it is tough. Far be it from me to suggest anything marital but I can tell you that if you push in the right direction, the medical care is there.

My TBI merely scratched the surface for a whole bunch of other things going on, not saying the same is true in your husbands case but perhaps? TBI in itself can be mind boggling and I am taking tiny baby steps. Those who serve have alot of pride and for me it was ego that was hard initially but once I understood that yes there really is something wrong with me, could the process of healing begin.

It isn't rainbows and sunshine but I do hope my post helps.

Hilary

Sonarlily,

Did you get all the help TBI/PTSD mentioned including Neurofeedback?

TBI/PTSD - If you don't mind can you tell what kind of Neurofeedback you went or getting treated? Do you go to the one in Bethesda, MD?

Thanks and Cheers!

Sonarlily is stationed overseas with her husband. I wonder if 'backing off' is doable as it appears he brings a lot of stress and struggle home from work. There is a need for a semblance of stability at home. If his work load is counter to this stability, it should be addressed. The isolation of spouses and families during overseas deployment has enough stress without adding TBI aggressiveness to the home.

Hi, I get EEG Biofeedback at Ft. Belvoir.

Thanks. Do you know what type of feedback? Simple terms do you do anything during therapy or sit back and relax?

Cheers!