So I have discovered lately that i have a huge issue with anger. I don't hit things or people, but when things get out of my control (like things I have planned, etc) or when plans change, I FREAK out. Friends and family have more often than not had to tell me to breathe and not get so worked up.

It's like I have a mini panic attack, and my head starts to pound and I almost see red and I just don't know how to handle it. Afterwards, I feel like an idiot and have to apologize to whoever I yelled at or got Bi***y with because it is not a big deal most of the time, whatever it is that I get mad at.


Any ideas on how to stop the anger or calm it down before it gets too bad? I usually realize too late what is going on and it takes a good 20 minutes or so to chill the eff out. LOL

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. I know it seems like non-TBI issue, but I know that some of my problem is because I am having trouble coping with the weakened body I am in, and it's probably a control thing. And if there are not-activity related relaxation things I can do...

I have similar issues and it is TBI related. I don't hit people, (though sometimes am tempted! ) but I do really like kicking empty cardboard boxes when I'm angry. Very satisfying, no damage to anything important, I just keep taping them up (when the anger has passed) if I break them.

I wouldn't describe my anger like a panic attack, just an anger attack, usually over something that isn't a big deal, but in that moment, it doesn't matter.

The way I'd describe it is, life is harder than normal right now, everything requires effort, even things that didn't previously. I'm running at my max ability just to do regular things and get by that when something goes wrong, its like a huge affront to me. Why did such and such have to happen when I'm already struggling? A bit like the straw that broke the camel's back, but ongoing.... doesn't take that long to get there.

The physiatrist at the rehab center prescribed me an SSRI, Escitalopram to help with my "irritability", as they put it. However, that turned me into a zombie and made me so tired that even breathing seemed like a lot of work, so I quit it after about a week.

I haven't found very many things that help for me, other than the box kicking to get it out of my system faster (if I kick boxes, I can be over it in about 5 mins, otherwise it takes about 20 mins to get out of my system).

Meditation helps somewhat, but not once the anger starts. If I meditate before anything starts, I'm more likely to be able to keep my cool if a bump comes along. But once the anger starts, its like my body is on auto pilot and the best I can do is get away from what ever upset me and kick boxes. Sounds stupid, I know.

Also understand the shame of having to apologize afterwards... I try to explain it to people that I know as "my brain injury took over" and that seems to help them forgive any yelling.

Best of luck, I know what its like to go through it... its a bit like becoming the incredible hulk and somewhere inside the real me is going, what the heck is going on??

Starr

thank you for your response! I think "anger attack" is more accurate too!
I like the idea of box kicking...(instead of kick boxing, lol). It is good to know that I am not alone in this, I was starting to think I am crazy...the sentence at the end about the hulk is totally perfect too.

Hang in there, you're not alone.
Starr

I used to be a box kicker. I could shred a box quickly. I even shredded a plastic over styrofoam ice chest.

I have learned to avoid getting to this level. I still have shouting outbursts but they are rare.

I have to be disciplined to walk away. It is the only thing that works.

Letting it happen by box kicking does not help. It leaves me with a new set of stressors.

To me, it appears to be a brain overload of "I don't know how to respond to this situation." What helps is learning that I DO NOT need to respond.

The hind sight of the outburst shows that it did not make any positive difference. Becoming convinced that it does not help is the start to a change in behavior because the mental urge to do something is so strong.

I hope you all can find the strength to improve in this area. It is tough.

My best to you.

Check this out... I've also read a book that suggests simply "go to ground" until it passes. Just plain DROP. But it takes a lot of practice to learn the habit.
http://www.mindyourheadcoop.org/blog/?tag=overload

I hope someday to be as evolved and disciplined as you are Mark.

All I know is right now, I don't have that ability or discipline to stop it once it starts. Maybe I'm just weak and undisciplined... or maybe I've just not had the years of practice that you have.
Starr

The Dali Lama was once on his travels and met another group far from civilization going the same way. One of the new companions did not respect or honour the budhist way.

He constantly berated and tried to anger the dali lama. Upon seperating at a fork in the road the man had to ask why he could not anger him.

The Dali Lama told him if someone gives you a gift and you will not accept it whose gift is it?

Mark is exactly correct, be still, know it will be OK, the moment will pass.

Too often I utterly fail at this but I am an optimist and keep trying.

Starr,

My years of practice started with years of failure.

When I had my first NeuroPsych Assessment, the report mentioned that I am prone to outbursts. He did not know about my history of outbursts. It was the start of me recognizing that my behavior was not justified but rather a behavioral problem.

Previously, I had claimed a right to be angry. Now, I knew it is was a symptom of my injury. It was a wake up call. I needed to start working on it.

As I did, my wife told me how it scared my kids. This was more incentive to change. Before, they were afraid to comment about my behavior.

I have not kicked a box in years but still struggle with shouting matches. I have a neighbor who tends to become condescending and aggressive with his comments. He's an ex-Marine and a cop, too. He can set me off. He is just as abusive to his kids. I see their reaction and after learning how I used to scare my kids, I tend to be confrontational with him when he verbally abuses his kids. Not a pretty sight. I have had to learn to walk away.

So, it is the school of hard knocks.

The most important part of improving is to first realize how reacting and getting angry will rarely cause even a little change. Then, the goal is to stop or prevent the reaction rather than try to control it.

Try to remember the saying, "Don't even go there."

It's a struggle but worth the effort.

It is a part of PCS that few ever heal from so learning to change is the only way to improve.

As I have said before, I have had very little healing in the past 12 years. Most of my improvement has been in learning to function despite my limitations.

My best to you.

I have had a BIG problem with anger (including legal, unfortunately). Did you have a frontal injury? Most TBI-related anger is frontal damage in nature.

The reason is that the forntal lobes of the brain are where anger is normally controlled (along with most other primitive emotions). When this Executive Function is impaired, raw emotions can run unchecked.

In answer to your question, I have found the biggest help is 1. Not to blame or judge yourself for the outbursts, and 2. Let the anger run its course (obviously without resorting to physical expression.) Just go off by yourself, have a nice mad, then return to "normal" duty when the demon dies of natural causes. It really does work!

Best of luck to you.