My name's Alex. I've never talked about this out loud to anyone, not really. But I suffered a concussion a while back from a fall. I went to see a lot of doctors but none of them seemed to be able to fix me, and here I am, still dealing with the aftermath of what they say doesn't exist...

In 2009 I fell off a fire escape at a hotel I was working at and hit the concrete, headfirst. That's about all I can honestly tell you, cause that's all I can honestly remember. I lost the majority of my memory, but it wasn't initial. I remember flashes of being in a hospital, and flashes of being in my room, having the all-too familiar symptoms that comes with a concussion.

It was close to a few weeks after they tell me I went into a little bit of a coma. And, when I woke up, I didn't know who people were, places were, or who I was. Didn't recognize myself in the mirror and all. This is ultimately where my memory starts.

I had to relearn so many things. People, (that I still don't get right half the time) places, things, and it still hasn't all really stuck with me.

Went to so many specialists, from 'ear-nose-and throat' to 'brain' to 'physical therapy'. Went to 'chiropractor', 'headache center', 'neurologist'. Had numerous tests done that I can't honestly list for you, but there were a lot of them and the majority were in Birmingham at some brain place.

Nobody could ultimately find anything wrong, except that I had a 'learning disability' when I did a few tests that focused in on aptitude or something like that, putting blocks into holes and things.

It was then that I decided doctors wern't gonna be able to do nothing for me. I decided that if I wanted to get better, I would have to figure up a way to do it on my own. I knew the levels of pain I could indure, I knew my own limits by that point, and I figured that I would do a better job at fixing myself because of those reasons, so I did.

I adopted a few different things to help get me through it, and a few different ways to deal with the symptoms.

I said, if I get my body in as good condition as I could, my mind would sort of follow suit, and it did in a way. I did a lot of research on how athletes work through theirs to get back on the field.

Now, I wasn't in terrible shape. As far as what my family has told me, I was a bit of an athlete myself. Always playing football, or any sports really. Chopping firewood, throwing hay, farmwork...etc...

I began practicing meditation techniques that I found in martial arts. Began balancing on one foot atop stumps. The matrial arts meditation practices helped immensly with my heart rate, and my ability to focus myself entirely on one thing at a time, and the balancing on the stump mixed with that helped me learn to control the dizziness.

Ultimately, it's the focusing that aided me in 'controlling' my headaches, to the degree that I can. There's still a lot that gets the best of me, the nausea is the worst thing, but I can function at least halfway decent now that I can work through the headaches, but it's really no picnic. If I lose focus even in the slightest, they come rushing in full force. Which they do all they time, because I have the headaches on a daily basis.

Some of the long-lasting effects that I haven't been able to get a handle on are the memory loss, the level of ability to store memory, and the problem-solving and functioning of my mind as I try to work through things. Like, figuring out each day how to tie my shoes (which is a downhill struggle I promise you) or knots, or holding a pencil or fork, flipping an egg or pancake, or drawing or writing.

The memory aspect of my life, it hasn't come back to me. But, I can almost deal with the fact that I can't store certain things as of now, and I can almost deal with the struggling to do these simple things that are second nature to most people...the one thing that I can't deal with is not knowing who I am.

I don't know my favorite color, or what my favorite color was. I don't know who my friends used to be, cause apparantly I don't have any now, not really. I eel as though I'm stuck at the fall, or somewhere near the fall.

I fell in August 2009, I was 19. It's now 2012, on the brink or 2013, I'm 22 going on 23, but I don't feel like it. I don't feel 22, I don't feel 19 or anywhere in between. This is hurting me emotionally everyday and I can't seem to get past it.

Like I said, I've only said this one time to one person since it happened. A lot of people know about it, but I've never openly said it. I don't know why I'm saying it now. I guess I'm just tired of everyone pretending like they know what I'm going through when they don't. I guess I'm just tired of being alone and am desperatly looking for someone who unserstands.

That's all I've got to say about that I guess.

I don't really have much to say... There's some great resources on the board (Mark is amazing in all of his advice)... I really just wanted you to know that I heard you... and understand you... My injuries are not/ were not as severe, but I get it... You are not alone, and you've found your way to the best support on the Net.

alexscott,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Sorry to hear of your struggles. Wow, what an experience you have been through. I'm from Mobile but did not want to stay so we moved away when I was very young. Too much humidity.

It sounds like you have made a great start at getting some life back. You have accepted your limits and worked to find ways around them. That is how most improvements come. I can understand you struggle to understand your image of yourself. TBI can leave one with a lack of sense of pleasure and affinity.

I think you need some help learning who to open up to and how much to tell them. You have made a good start opening up here. There are books that talk about how to identify personal preferences and skills. There is one called something like "Find the Job You Love." There is another that I read long ago but I can't remember the title right now. If it come to me, I post it. I have memory problems too.

There are plenty of techniques for working with memory struggles depending on the kind of memory struggles you have. I have very poor visual and auditory immediate and short term memory. I have to work hard to get things into long term memory. Tracking days is very difficult for me.

Research shows that using electronic devices like smart phones and such can be very helpful to people with brain injury memory and cognitive struggles. I have witness a person with severe struggles use an iPAD to help with many daily struggles. He can even use it to speak when he is struggling with words.

There is an excellent video series on YouTube called "You Look Great" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Xso...ature=youtu.be

It is 6 segments that take about and hour total. John Byler did not suffer and injury as severe as yours but a lot of what he has to say is applicable. Your friends and family will benefit from watching it.

UAB is doing some research that may be useful to your family to participate in. The link is http://www.ahif.org/

There is a list of support groups at http://ahif.org/documents/rec-support-groups1.pdf I high recommend getting involved in a support group. They are very helpful for family and friends so they can meet others who have similar issues dealing with a TBI person.

Please feel free to tell us more about your struggles and needs. We are here to help.

And, Thank you for formatting your post with lots of double line spacing. It males it so much easier to read.

My best to you.

Hey, thanks for the quick reply. I watched the youtube series you recommended, some pretty good stuff there. And I checked out the page on the UAB thing too.

I mainly posted this because it's been so long and I've been on my own with all this, learning to deal with it and how to function, and I've never really had anyone to talk to or anything that's been through it.

Didn't really have what you would call a good supoort system to help me through it. Had to distance myself in order to get through it.

I just thought it'd be nice to meet some poeple who have been through it who understand and maybe talk about it with them.