[claritan]

Im 14 months into this and am pretty much almost there in being better. i work constuction everyday, i workout, i drink caffeine all day basically all the stuff i had to stop im back to doing its good in that regards and its been like this for the last few months

i have 2 symptoms left with are visual disturbances and some fatigue but i fight through it in hopes they go away but im getting sad because im realizing as more time goes on they might now i mean cmon its been 14 damn months now just get better already

BUT the thing i noticed which isnt even PCS is the fact i still dont want to talk or see anyone i used to be close with. i never try to hang out with my friends anymore, never want to talk to my family and i basically dont want to see anyone anymore. all i really want to do is be in my own world now. why is this? i went from a guy who would talk to friends every day and go out every weekend to becoming a complete hermit crab. its like the fact that im not my oldself makes me not want people to see me in this state. the fact that im almost normal but still cant do the things i used to like going out all weekend and drinking is really bothering me. ive lost friends because of PCS and my family thinks im turning weird.

last year i missed a lot being home and just not feeling well. its like im scared of the life i missed and dont know what to do without it. im so used to being hurt now i dont know any other way. how do i break this cycle my life is getting depressing and not worthwile IMO

[Su seb]

I think I understand a bit of how you are feeling.
I just posted in response to someone that was posting about their new life.
Basically, just try to be positive and embrace this fresh start. There may be some friends and family from the past that want to join you in the adventure, if not, their loss. There are lots of great people out there. Find some new friends. But isolating isn't good. Hopefully we all learn something as we go through this very difficult experience. Hang in there. Try to make each day or week just a bit better.
Letting go of the past was very freeing for me. I don't know if I will ever be able to go back to my previous lifestyle and all of the friends that went with it. But I'll be ok with that. The next chapter might be even better.
Su

[Mark in Idaho]

The withdrawal from friends is called schizoid disorder. In PCS people, I think we develop it as a defensive mechanism. You may have some latent fear of over-stimulation if you try to get together with friends. Sometimes, our friends abandon us as they struggle to figure how to relate to us.

I suggest you make a single contact with a friend who has the calmest lifestyle. AS you learn you can tolerate one friend, add another. This is a good time to be selective if you have any past friends with risky or destructive behaviors like excessive use of alcohol, etc. Your brain needs a less risky and stressful life moving forward.


Schizoid disorder is nothing like schizophrenia so don't worry about that.

My best to you.

[Concussion]

Claritan,

I posted that friends stay and friends go, in another thread.........

You , and we all, have quite a bit on our plates that we are sorting through.

And adapting to, and readapting to; rearranging and readjusting as time passes and things change.

These things draw us into ourselves more and more, and it becomes difficult to see whats going on around us quite often.........until we get a chance to look up and see that alot has changed, and our friends have moved off, our family has distanced themselves, or whatever has changed.

In one of those links above, there is a "letter to a family" , that tries to explain how we may look to them and what is actually what is going on inside our shell - and our friends are sorta part of an extended family .

It might be a good thing to Link in a email to some of your friends to see if it helps them understand what you are / have been dealing with, by way of an explanation that you haven't been able to explain otherwise.

Best wishes, and remember, we are all here together for each other.....

[Brain patch]

Claritan,
I know how you feel. I still do get symptoms when I am exposed to too much stimuli for too long. I have learned I have about 2-3 hours of being exposed to other people, environments etc. after that I get really fatigued and feel like my brain just shuts off. Just having conversations with others is hard to do for very long. I think our brains are still stressed. I also think we have fear of others seeing just how defenseless we can be when we are in these vulnerable states. Our experience with family and friends tells us that they do not understand and take our behavior as something that is directed at them. How could they understand? It is hard for us to understand. I think the letter to family, friends is a good idea. I have my last session of neuropsychological testing on Wednesday and then she will talk to my family. I am hoping that the neuropsychologist will be able to explain to them what is going on. I realize that this is just the way things are now for me. I am able to do things on the limited 2-3 hour time scale. I think we are going to have to adjust to where we are and learn how to live within the restrictions that our bodies are putting on us. I have learned over and over again that if I push these boundaries and force myself to withstand then I crash hard for days, weeks. If I stay within the boundaries then I can still at least have friends and see family members. I sympathize with you and with all of us. This is a hard, life-changing situation we have all been through. We are struggling to cope and re-enter life after being M.I.A for so long.
Thank goodness we have the support of each other.
Brain

[Theta Z]

I can truly relate.

Albeit that I am much older than you, and have experienced over the past 4+1/2 years periods of "doing much better" ... followed by "totally gone off the radarscreen" *relapses*, ad nauseum.

*When* I am "doing better"/okay with my post-TBI-PCS ... my 'sociable person' aspect remains an enduring aspect of my being ... a 'strength' of being, as it were.

Yet even still, I have to have *beau coups* amounts of time "alone", "quiet", sans any social contact/stimulation whatsoever. This has become my "new normal" ... even when I am doing "well".

I've gratefully been enjoying and appreciating a past 6 mos. of "doing very well" ... and have been able to enjoy being engaged as a personal/private chef again.

I've been enjoying being "highly-functioning" (relatively speaking, of course!)
I've (because of my age, etc.) come-unto a GREAT deal of self-acceptance of
Self "As I am, Now" ... boundaries, limitations and all.
(*Not necessarily* so for you of younger age, please know!!)

Yet I have just enjoyed the past week with a very truly *dearest*
adult-lifelong friend, who actually chose to spend the time, money, extensive travel energy, to come to visit with me here on the Gulf Coast South.

It was great.
Though we had not seen one another since I was last with her at her home in Santa Fe, 9 years ago --- it was as if we had picked-up where we left off only "yesteryear".

We didn't "busy" ourselves with any pressing-agendas to "Go-and-Do-and-See" while she was here ... it was largely relaxing time together ... we both tended to "sleep-in late" ... we didn't "push" ourselves to "DO" anything in particular.

YET, when she departed @ 9 am on Saturday morning after 5 days ...
by *noon* I was "down" for a *most-necessary* nap --- which was 3 hours! --- tho' I never truly slept ... just quietly, peacefully rested, with my eyes closed, on my bed, with the warm breeze blowing in the windows from the Gulf/South.

I then slept that night, overnight ... until *2pm* Sunday!!
My brain simply so very much *needed* that total-shut-down time from ALL sensory input/stimulation, from ALL possible/potential social-energy interaction/exchange.

Though my dear friend and I are *quite* comfortable enough together to have "silence" together ... I still yet now on Monday afternoon cannot possibly abide "talking on the phone" ... with *anyone* ... for any length of time.

I simply require this immense "quiet" and "retreat" from the greater World of Life ... until such time as I feel I am able/capable of engaging-again.
It's simply how it is for me.

Please try to not "judge yourself" for any perceived/projected "lack" of social-energy engagement.

You've simply got to take care of yourself, simply as you are ... as you are NOW.

There are plenty of "good times" ahead of you, rest assured that it is so.
They may not be as you used-to-think-they-SHOULD-be for you now ... yet, I assure you, they are truly there for you.

Please, take very Good Care of you, for now ...
for if you do not, *Who Will* ?

Sincerely,
Theta Z.

Originally Posted by claritan

Im 14 months into this and am pretty much almost there in being better. i work constuction everyday, i workout, i drink caffeine all day basically all the stuff i had to stop im back to doing its good in that regards and its been like this for the last few months

i have 2 symptoms left with are visual disturbances and some fatigue but i fight through it in hopes they go away but im getting sad because im realizing as more time goes on they might now i mean cmon its been 14 damn months now just get better already

BUT the thing i noticed which isnt even PCS is the fact i still dont want to talk or see anyone i used to be close with. i never try to hang out with my friends anymore, never want to talk to my family and i basically dont want to see anyone anymore. all i really want to do is be in my own world now. why is this? i went from a guy who would talk to friends every day and go out every weekend to becoming a complete hermit crab. its like the fact that im not my oldself makes me not want people to see me in this state. the fact that im almost normal but still cant do the things i used to like going out all weekend and drinking is really bothering me. ive lost friends because of PCS and my family thinks im turning weird.

last year i missed a lot being home and just not feeling well. its like im scared of the life i missed and dont know what to do without it. im so used to being hurt now i dont know any other way. how do i break this cycle my life is getting depressing and not worthwile IMO