I am so grateful for your guys' feedback and encouragement. I am taking good care of myself-sleep, exercise, fun stuff! I've recently gotten a new job that is steady income, that I really love too. I'm over feeling sorry for him. I've gone to a lot of support groups. Every day I move a little closer to leaving. I've also changed up some of my support systems-mom is out! Bad advice and an emotional vampire.

John hasn't done anything more. When I bring up issues he deflects and sidetracks. I'm not sure if he understands any of this, but that is his problem. I found a wonderful therapist in Mpls. names Susan Gustafson. She works with TBI and mentally disabled patients. She is very casual and non-threatening, but also very encouraging. When we talk she keeps the focus off his disabilities and on me. She read his neuropsych report and thinks he has Asperger's. She has pointed out that I need to be financially ready and I am not quite yet. It might be a long winter! We live in the woods on a highway and cannot really walk anywhere.

This is what is difficult now and I would like some advice. John is very focused on me. He doesn't have many other friends-he has some organized activities that he attends-which is good! When we are home I feel like the walls are closing in on me. He literally follows me around and joins in whatever I'm doing. He spaces out and steps right over messes and things that need to be done. Asks me questions constantly!! There is no conversation-that is just to converse. He is boring. I try to put space and distance but he's there and I feel so stressed in his company. I've tried to set some boundaries but they are crossed. I know the answer is to get out but it might take a little while longer.

Very encouraging to hear of your progress in taking care of yourself, the new job, and it's great that you have found an understanding therapist.

While the next transition may still take some time you have found fun things to do. Reflect and celebrate that progress. He encroaches on your space yes, but he is ill and probably can't (won't) change this behavior. Acceptance with the knowledge that you will be moving on when financial conditions allow is a powerful tool in your tool box. To add to those tools, if time and space permit, one idea I'd suggest would be mindfulness meditation.

Best to you both.

Regarding his trailing behind you , encroaching on your space - ask your therapist about hints for behavior modification you might employ at home to curb these issues;

- you said he doesn't sleep? - could you convince him to take Melatonin drops?
- give them or capsules along with vitamins in the evening.

Just thinking aloud, ideas is all.

Meditation time with him encroaching on your space would sound difficult, unless you convince him you need the free space for it.

However, I agree, even your writing sounds as if you are making good progress. Refreshing your spirit, livening up your future.

Good thoughts to you, Best Wishes...........

I have distanced myself a lot from my husband emotionally because it makes me feel crazy to go along with everything but, I am still very civil to him. I have suggested to him a few more times to get some help, but he won't. I can take care of myself financially and I have a new relationship. Husband is in very bad shape. Cannot remember things and cannot process things very well. I think it's only a matter of time before he loses his job. People keep warning me to divorce before it's too late and I have to take care of him or lose all my financial wealth (not that much to lose!)

Today, he said to me, "your my best friend." I said, "no I'm not." Sounds cruel but I need to be honest. He didn't say anything back to me. He went and laid on his bed for a half hour and then remarked,"that was a mean thing to say." I apologized. (We have not slept in the same bed for 7 years)

When I spend the day with him I end up worn out and depressed and lost because so much of the time consists of clearing up communication bloopers. And he still follows me around even though I've told him not too.

I know it sounds kind of crummy that I have a new relationship, while I'm still here, but it's what works for now. John doesn't pick up on any of it. I had a photo of him and it fell out of my daybook planner onto the floor. John picked it up, looked at it, and asked who it was. I said I didn't know (!) He said nothing and handed it back to me. John knew I had coffee with this guy two years ago, and what he looked like. This is one of many examples of his state of mind.