[courtney.w]

Anyone else have a hard time with their loved ones not fully understanding what's going on with them?

My husband has been super supportive, don't get me wrong; but at the same time, I can tell that, sometimes, he's forcing himself to be nice or "tolerating" my telling him that I need to rest. I feel like he may think that I'm making up symptoms to get out of doing things around the house or to get out of working more hours, etc. Like right now... I'm finding myself feeling a dire need to lay down for a little while, but I know he's going to be upset with me when he comes home and finds that I haven't cleaned the house yet (although I did spend four hours cooking for our party tomorrow).

I already feel guilty because I'm not able to support our household as much as I should be able to, between losing my job and working for so much less pay now, but then on top of that I have this lack of energy as well; I'm sure I look very lazy to him, and that's frustrating because we've had issues with that before, but now it's for different reasons and I don't know how to make him understand that.

[Vanilla Bean]

Yes, I think most people have had a difficult time with loved ones. They can watch the YouTube series "You look great" that Mark recommends. But even if loved ones don't understand you still are going to have to do what's right for you.

Your New Years plans are putting extra stress on you right now. How do you "know" how your husband is going to feel when he gets home? Is he really that predictable, or are you being too hard on yourself right now, triggered by the stress related to this party?

Everything will be alright. Your husband is an adult and is responsible for his own feelings - you are not responsible for how he feels. Your friends are also adults who should appreciate your generosity for hosting. They will understand your limitations if you tell them but they cannot guess them. If some of them do not understand, then they may have issues.

Two months is early and you are still fragile. Take care of yourself. Don't drink alcohol tomorrow and sleep in tomorrow and let yourself be relaxed. Maybe do some breathing exercises throughout the night and day.

[courtney.w]

I know all about having to do what's right for me; it's gotten me through other family issues, like my sister's heroin addiction and my parents' determination to save her, even if it meant ruining their own lives... I just hate that I'm in yet another situation where I'm having to be so selfish, even if it's for different, although still very good, reasons.

I just talked to my husband and let him know where I was in the process of getting the house ready. He didn't seem upset or anything, but any time he goes to work on a day that I don't, he seems to have this mentality that I'm doing nothing while he's busting his butt, so while I may be making assumptions and putting more stress on myself by predicting his reactions and his thoughts, I'm doing so based on what I'm used to seeing from him, and I hate disappointing him.

The funny part is that most of the people coming over couldn't care less about the shape of my house, yet I still want everything to be perfect lol.

I guess I just needed the reminder that I'm still pretty new to all of this. Some days I feel like nothing happened, and then others I wake up and feel like I have gone back several steps.

The good news is that I will be able to sleep in tomorrow and relax most of the day since I got most of this done today.

[Mark in Idaho]

courtney,

You need to give yourself a break. Planning and hosting a New Years Eve party is way over the top. I expect you to be next to comatose on New Years Day. Plan on at least three days rest with your clean up stretched over those three days, unless someone else is willing to clean up after your party.

You both would benefit from sitting down together at the computer and watching "You Look Great" by John Byler on You Tube. He does a great job of explaining this. Your husband and close friends would all benefit from watching the whole 6 part series. It takes about an hour. Here is a link to the first segment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Xso...ature=youtu.be

The Lost and Found web page at http://www.brainline.org/content/201...u-to-know.html is also good.

Please take time to rest quietly. And remember to give yourself a break. It would help if you could get your husband to slow you down. It will help with your recovery.

And, take plenty of B-12 and a good B-50 complex. Your brain will need it to handle the stress load.

My best to you.

[Kenjhee]

Difficult dealing with kind of thing, isn't it? I recently found out that one of my closest friends (since college) thought that for the past 30+ years I've been LYING about my health problems. He was always too "polite" to say it directly to my face, and I didn't know until recently he even thought this way.

He only realized the truth when last year he stayed with me for a couple weeks (he's from Japan). He was shocked at the amount of prescription drugs I was on, and confessed something like, "You really ARE sick, aren't you? I just thought you were a weak person."

What does a person do with something like that? If I wasn't a Christian, man, ....

[Concussion]

Kenjhee,

That is so true.

I do hope you instructed him in the proper terminology though:

- you are not sick;

- you are injured, under long term reparation.

Best Wishes, friend..................

To courtney.w :

- please heed the advice here, especially sit the family and friends down and have them watch the recommended video's per Mark, it does help.....trully it does.

[Kenjhee]

Originally Posted by Concussion

Kenjhee,

That is so true.

I do hope you instructed him in the proper terminology though:

- you are not sick;

- you are injured, under long term reparation.

Best Wishes, friend..................

To courtney.w :

- please heed the advice here, especially sit the family and friends down and have them watch the recommended video's per Mark, it does help.....trully it does.

Thank you for the input. I'm aware of the distinction, but frankly feel more comfortable using either term as the situation dictates.

[courtney.w]

Thanks everyone. I'll be sure to have my husband watch those.

Update: I'm actually feeling better today than I thought I would. Yesterday, I met a friend for lunch who was coming in from out of town for the party. After lunch, she helped me get the last minute work done to get everything ready. I let her do all the thinking and I just did what she said... we got a lot done, but I didn't get as tired because I wasn't having to work my brain quite so much.

The party went well; all of the people I am most comfortable with and closest to ended up being the ones who showed up.... so I wasn't under any kind of pressure to be a "good hostess." We sat around all night and talked about whatever came to mind, ate good food, and just enjoyed each other's company. When those who were not staying the night left, and the ones who were left saw me get up to put food away, they all sprang into action and did their part. We had the entire table's worth of leftovers put away in about ten minutes. Then, we all went straight to bed.

Today, I got to sleep in, since no one needed to leave before 10:30. After enjoying some leftovers for breakfast and thanking everyone for coming as they left, my husband and I enjoyed a nice, long, nap. I slept for about three hours, then got up and lounged around the house for a little while before taking a bubble bath and another nap lol. Now I've just finished dinner and will probably be going to bed soon.

Yes, I'm tired... but the good news is, no headache, no nausea... no real back sliding like I was worried would happen.

Oh, and on the "cleaning up" front... since everyone helped me put the food away last night, all that was left of the cleanup this morning was dishes, and there wasn't much of that to do because we used a lot of paper plates, plastic cups, etc... so all we had to wash were a few champagne flutes and platters, and my husband actually took care of that. I'll have some bedding to wash since some spent the night, but that's not a big deal. Everything else is still pretty much clean.

I definitely lucked out. Things could have been a lot worse. I get to relax again tomorrow too... I might go get my nails done, but other than that I have made sure that I have nowhere to be tomorrow so that I can do as little as possible.

Happy New Year, everyone! Thanks for your support!

[ninelives]

Oh that's great news, so pleased everyone rallied round to help.
Sounds like you did all the right things.
I do hope this continues for you and wish you a very heathy new year.

Carole x