Lost my job, my wife, my mind, my friends, my passions, my connection to my mind and the ability to feel joy. If has been 18 months. I have tried everything and feels like this new me is here to stay. However, I feel like I have no use for this new person I have become. How easy it would be for it to.just be all over. The idea of living with constant headaches, fatigue, pain, and suffering and staying jobless while looking at the world through this twisted carnival ride of a lens. The only reason I am here is because of how much agony my mom would feel if I decided to off myself tomorrow. Its the only thought rattling in my head these days.