Originally Posted by MicroMan

The responses you received in this thread, Seth, are excellent, particularly Mark's first response. I'm currently working through the transition where I used to try and understand the biology of my mTBI so that I can fix it and return to my old self... this has been a difficult quest filled with angst, anger, frustration, etc., and of course all of those issues get vented at the ones I love, particularly my children.

In the past 6 months, I've taken a new approach similar to what Mark very nicely outlines. I'm working on who I am now while trying to push my recovery... acceptance of my situation has been a relief, in some sense, and I'm sincerely hoping that it improves, but for now I'm trying to "roll" with things rather than "rail" against them. I have fairly significant activity intolerance but I understand the cycle between activity and consequence, and I think that will help.

So, push when can, but not too much, and be patient with your recovery... I've learned trying to speed it up isn't productive

Originally Posted by RidingRollerCoaster

Hi Seth

I have been reading your posts and it looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice. I thought I might add my two cents. It sounds like you are a very intelligent person that likes to accomplish a lot and push your capabilities to the max (and maybe a bit stubborn as well). This sounds a lot like me and maybe like others on this forum.

If I could have exercised like you throughout my recovery, I would have definitely. But my symptoms and my body told me that exercising was a no go unfortunately. I seriously doubt you did damage be exercising because your body was ok with it.

What does strike me though is that you said your brain is fried after 4 hours of work - and then you exercise hard - and then you have to have time and energy left for your family. I spent several months of my recovery pushing through like this to the point of total exhaustion every day - to the point where I would just collapse on the couch and be worthless at 4 PM. During this period I felt no improvement and actually felt worse. It wasn't until I made changes in my life and focused on recovery that I was able to make improvement. It looks like you are still early on (3 months?). You have not done permanent damage and you still have plenty of time to figure out a path to healing.

Originally Posted by Mark in Idaho

seth,

You don't need to accept that this is as good as you will get. You just need to accept that this is real and where you are right now and move forward from here. This is a starting point for the rest of your life. This is not an ending point. You must not look at this as a deficit point. What happened is done and past. You cannot change what happened when you fell.

We can impact our future. We cannot impact our past. Getting stuck in the past prevents us from moving on into the future.

You have all the intelligence and skills you need to make a brilliant future your yourself and your family.

Researchers notice two things about intelligent and accomplished people with prolonged or even persistent PCS. First, they are far more aware of and focused on their struggles because they are used to such high levels of function. Second, they are the best at learning work-arounds and accommodations because they use their intellect to figure things out. They notice patterns and triggers. They adapt.

If you were lost in time about the date, it does not change anything. I could not tell you the date without looking at the clock on my computer or at my cell phone. I have lived successfully for decades like this. I actually learned that I do better when I am less focused on time. I plan my day better. I was in business in an industry where I needed to arrive on time at customers homes or businesses. A wall clock at the shop was all I used. No watch. I planned my day with a looser schedule but was still just as productive. But, I was not as anxious.

If you feel better exercising, that is evidence that you should continue.

But, as I have said many times, recovery is measured in long time intervals, two weeks minimum with one month as a a common interval. As you ride the roller coaster, if last month you had 10 down cycles but this month you had 8 down cycles, you are improving. But, those down cycles will happen, even after you have achieved peak recovery.

If there is one issue you need to accept for the future, it is that you are highly likely to experience down cycles from time to time for the rest of your life, usually as the result of a stressing trigger. Many of us plan on these down cycles because we want to take on the stressful activity and the down cycle is an acceptable temporary risk.

But, it appears you have not yet been able to fend off your anxiety over your symptoms or future yet. When you achieve victory over these, the next step in your recovery will begin. Maybe you will benefit from counseling. Only you can make that decision.

But, I for one, believe you can do it. You can defeat your anxiety. You can focus on a new future rather than your past.

And, you can accept the fact that you did nothing subsequent to your injury that changed the progression of your symptoms. The only thing that would have changed the progression of your symptoms would have been another fall and injury or maybe getting blotto drunk or ill with a very high fever. If you delayed recovery, it was only by a few weeks. But that would not even be measurable.

So, look to your future. You have a lot to look forward to.

btw, Over the past 6 years, I bet there have been at least 10 people who saw big improvements after 18 months.