[benjamin]

Hi everyone,
I was injured falling off my bike 14 months ago. I was never formally diagnosed with PCS because basically my doctor is a ***** who has no idea what he's doing but I went through hell and was close to suicide for some time. Things are WAY better now though. My tinnitus isn't so bad, I experience depersonalisation and derealisation less often and I'm starting to have more energy although i'm still wanting to fall asleep everyday at 3 o clock. I push through though and I've achieved a lot. I have a new girlfriend who I love and am doing an art degree (which I love too). I still have a lot of difficulties with negative thought cycles and depression. I now experience terrible jealousy which I never have before.
Is it PCS? Who knows, maybe when something hits you hard in the head and scares the **** out of you (my concussion lasted 15 minutes and I was conscious the whole time) then your personality changes in reaction to the trauma. My memory is nowhere near as good as it used to be but it's good enough and my cognitive skills seem all unchanged. The memory stuff is linked to my depersonalisation though. When I dissociate in stressful or demanding situations I shut out the world and hence I don't remember things.
My family were not so great at coping with me being ill. They didn't do much to find out about what was wrong or make any attempt to get me help (except for a psychotherapist) and my mother basically refused to believe there was anything wrong with me (her way of coping...great). I was living in Berlin Germany at the time of the accident and had become so ill afterwards with anxiety that I ended up in hospital and then had to fly home so someone could look after me. She resented having to do this (I was 28) and pretty much just ignored me the whole time. Now I'm struggling to try and forgive her for this.
For any young people who are suffering with PCS or some kind of post concussive problem, I'd like to tell you that you need to be patient and good to yourself and make sure that the people around you understand what you're goin through. In time you'll recover and you'll probably learn a lot on the way.