I know what you are saying. I hope that the trip out of town goes well. I hope that the doctors help you,and I hope that your children are doing well. BF

Not doing so well. Will ask my pdoc about ECT. Just can't get a handle on this damaged brain, something has to be moved out of it, numb it, remove it. Will have a pain mgmt doc do a procedure on my neck tomorrow, that will provide relief. Can't wait till this week is over, for more time to pass, maybe things will not be so glum. I do a lot of "hoping" but nothing changes.My children do better without me, when I leave, their life will become less stressed. Thanks for the note. I appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you feel bad. I'm sure that your children love you. I hope that you get some relief from the pain in your neck area. I know that is hard to live with.

A few people on here have had the ECT treatment. The actress Carrie Fisher recommends this,for it has helped her. Keep hoping. I know that it isn't easy when you have major life struggles over a long period of time. BF

I am sorry that you are not doing well.
It sounds like you struggle with the beast of depression.
I wish your load was lighter for you.
bizi

Things of a personal nature took the wind out of me. I'm back home and will try to recoup, again. My doc visits went well. The pain doc did fantastic, don't have my neck aggravating me. So I'll take whatever relief afforded me. The mental pain needs help, it is worse than any other pain I've had. Getting some info on ECT from Mayo Clinic sites. In the meantime I'll wait for time to help soothe the mental assaults, there is nothing else I can do. Don't you sometimes feel that time is an enemy? Sorry, I don't want to sound so glum, but you've been kind to me and I feel you truly understand situations. You've had your share, and I hope you are doing well. That would brighten my day!

Dear Mafub,
I'm glad that you had a productive week.
Pain docs are angels.

M.

I know what you mean. Sometimes there is nothing else that you can do but wait. It takes time,and patience. I hope that your faith becomes strong. This keeps me going. This is not your fault. It comes down the family tree,and it's not fair. Hang in there,and you will survive this,and receive comforts during the way. BF

Yes. To be truthful. There's so much time in which I suffer,and you never know when these emotional storms are going to happen. The therapist try to understand. Some people try to understand,and some people don't want to understand.

(((Time))) At times there is so much of it,but the years still roll by. Time,and Isolation due to mental pain can be the deepest lonelyness. Yes. We can feel like a prisoner in time. I wonder often,what is going on?

Faith,and prayer,and encouragement from my friends,and medication from my doctors helps to keep me going.

Please keep fighting. You can survive these difficulties over a long period of time. It is difficult,but you can do it. BF

I missed this thread when it started. But some very powerful words.

I believe that this was a great way to start and end your trip.

I can totally understand the thinking your children are better off
without you there. I have my children all living within
5 miles.

But my family of sisters and mom live almost 2 hours away.

So helping my sisters with my mother sometimes isn't easy.

Donna

Thanks, Mari, for keeping in touch. My dr visits were helpful, and my actual driving trip went well, I slept through most of it. Being back "home" always brings a strong uproar in my brain; I'm deep in battle within every time. It has its outward manifestations, which are difficult to control. Being back is sooo good - sigh!

CBT doesn't work for me when I'm hit with the emotional storm, I am not lucid therefore unable. I can only review how CBT would have helped, or DBT or RET. No wise mind for me! Forgiveness may be good for the soul, but it doesn't mend it. If only I could get it from those that matter, especially myself. Time, again, to recoup is my saving grace, that and drugs! Ick... You are so kind, Becky