i think this is primarily situational and my pdoc agrees.

there have been a lot of stressors this past month. just yesterday we had more upsetting news.

i feel like there is a rock in my stomach. i can't watch anything remotely touching - chokes me up. i feel irritable all the time. i feel suffocated in my home. i feel raw and don't want to go outside. light bothers me even when i am not photosensitive. LIFE bothers me.

i want to hide in a hole in the dark but i don't have a hole to hide in.

~ waves ~

Waves

I can relate to how you feel. You have had some stressors to bring this on. I hope you will feel better soon.

barbara

Sorry, Waves,

I wish you could move yourself to a new situation in time or place.

I can understand how feeling suffocated would make someone feel "off." I think when we have our own "space" we feel protected.
(Tdoc bugs me to find a place in my home that is all mine. Apparently, she imagines that I will use this space as a quiet space --- not for computer or tv or reading -- and certainly not cluttered.)

If you could stand to go outside with heavy sunglasses you could still benefit from Vit D. I noticed that after being vigilant abut taking between 2,000 and 4,000 IU daily for about 4 weeks along with a handful of things close to what you mention I did feel one degree better last fall when I felt awful. The vits and sups took me out of the not awful range.

Hugs.
M.

I am sorry you are feeling so badly. You and your family have been
thru a difficult time as of late. Dont be too hard on yourself.

thanks Barbara, Mari, and Soxmom.

Hey soxmom, long time no see good to see you. how are you?

i am trying to be patient with myself. pdoc said i had to do that also.

Mari, you are right of course about the vitamin D. i went out today to get milk. partly for the milk and partly for the sun. we had some UHT. but i figured even the itty bitty walk would be good. it's sunny out and not terribly hot yet. i am trying to sort out the shades situation. i like them as a people-shield too, but i can't seem to find a pair that i like, and are dark enough, and fit right. i use baseball caps too, with the rim tipped against the sun. today i used my hand.

if i get a job the situation will be different, but there is no telling when that will happen. recent efforts have been in vain. ordinary factors against me, but also the job scene is a whole different ball game here. right now though, all that is moot, because i can't even get myself to send resumes.

heheh, the idea of a private quiet space ... withOUT clutter OR a computer??? hmm... that wouldn't last long with me.

thanks everyone for the hugs. backatcha.

~ waves ~

Waves

I am sending hugs, and thoughts.

My quiet space would still be cluttered because we are somewhat
hoarders. But I'm working on cleaning up the house. But because
I can't do heavey lifting its not easy.

My husband has to decide he is going to help. But I've been doing lots
of small things, but I have to keep working on throwing away things
we don't need. Then I have to put things together to sell in a garage
sale or some what just give away.

So I've got a plan I just have to keep doing it.

Ugh, My husband wont let me hire someone to help.

Donna

i am so sorry you are feeling so very rotten...can you up your medications to help alleviate your suffering.....eventually the stress will ease but why go through the hell. you need right now your privacy but i am so sorry it is unavailable...i don't know how understanding your parents are. i think it would be a lousy decision if you tried to turn day into night and night into day to get some privacy. Sometimes it takes so long for the pain to pass but it does....hang in there and know we all know what a special lovable and valuable person you are
love
bobby

I hear you loud and clearly!!!!!!!
((((((((((HUGS)))))))
I so wish things were different for you....
sigh
bizi

i was really hating myself earlier. i am going to bed now.

i want to try and wake up earlier than usual. i have been sleeping enough - not too much, not too little. yet i wake up tired and feeling like sludge all day. i hope this is transitory. i don't know if it's physical or what. i am so sick of medical stuff.

lately, there has been a tree in flower that fills the air with a perfume ... i frequently end up coughing or getting a headache. but today i was outside in it, and it hurt to breathe! not much coughing, but i got really out of breath, and remained out of breath for a good while after i got home. i know i am out of shape... but i didn't think i was that out of shape!!! i usually walk both ways to the store - today it was only 1 way.

~ waves ~

I got really upset when i read you were hating yourself.....i know it is hard in those moments but you have to start doing some mantra that you love yourself. it was probably an allergic reaction....how can you learn to be kind to yourself? i am afraid first your mother now your resume are really stressing you out.....it is hard to be mentally ill when you don't have a thought disorder but rather a mood disorder with lousy defenses to protect yourself with. everything gets so magnified both physical and mental
i am glad you went out though and haven't become like me the past years
love
bobby