i think this is primarily situational and my pdoc agrees.

there have been a lot of stressors this past month. just yesterday we had more upsetting news.

i feel like there is a rock in my stomach. i can't watch anything remotely touching - chokes me up. i feel irritable all the time. i feel suffocated in my home. i feel raw and don't want to go outside. light bothers me even when i am not photosensitive. LIFE bothers me.

i want to hide in a hole in the dark but i don't have a hole to hide in.

~ waves ~

Waves

I can relate to how you feel. You have had some stressors to bring this on. I hope you will feel better soon.

barbara

Sorry, Waves,

I wish you could move yourself to a new situation in time or place.

I can understand how feeling suffocated would make someone feel "off." I think when we have our own "space" we feel protected.
(Tdoc bugs me to find a place in my home that is all mine. Apparently, she imagines that I will use this space as a quiet space --- not for computer or tv or reading -- and certainly not cluttered.)

If you could stand to go outside with heavy sunglasses you could still benefit from Vit D. I noticed that after being vigilant abut taking between 2,000 and 4,000 IU daily for about 4 weeks along with a handful of things close to what you mention I did feel one degree better last fall when I felt awful. The vits and sups took me out of the not awful range.

Hugs.
M.

I am sorry you are feeling so badly. You and your family have been
thru a difficult time as of late. Dont be too hard on yourself.

thanks Barbara, Mari, and Soxmom.

Hey soxmom, long time no see good to see you. how are you?

i am trying to be patient with myself. pdoc said i had to do that also.

Mari, you are right of course about the vitamin D. i went out today to get milk. partly for the milk and partly for the sun. we had some UHT. but i figured even the itty bitty walk would be good. it's sunny out and not terribly hot yet. i am trying to sort out the shades situation. i like them as a people-shield too, but i can't seem to find a pair that i like, and are dark enough, and fit right. i use baseball caps too, with the rim tipped against the sun. today i used my hand.

if i get a job the situation will be different, but there is no telling when that will happen. recent efforts have been in vain. ordinary factors against me, but also the job scene is a whole different ball game here. right now though, all that is moot, because i can't even get myself to send resumes.

heheh, the idea of a private quiet space ... withOUT clutter OR a computer??? hmm... that wouldn't last long with me.

thanks everyone for the hugs. backatcha.

~ waves ~

Waves

I am sending hugs, and thoughts.

My quiet space would still be cluttered because we are somewhat
hoarders. But I'm working on cleaning up the house. But because
I can't do heavey lifting its not easy.

My husband has to decide he is going to help. But I've been doing lots
of small things, but I have to keep working on throwing away things
we don't need. Then I have to put things together to sell in a garage
sale or some what just give away.

So I've got a plan I just have to keep doing it.

Ugh, My husband wont let me hire someone to help.

Donna

i am so sorry you are feeling so very rotten...can you up your medications to help alleviate your suffering.....eventually the stress will ease but why go through the hell. you need right now your privacy but i am so sorry it is unavailable...i don't know how understanding your parents are. i think it would be a lousy decision if you tried to turn day into night and night into day to get some privacy. Sometimes it takes so long for the pain to pass but it does....hang in there and know we all know what a special lovable and valuable person you are
love
bobby

I hear you loud and clearly!!!!!!!
((((((((((HUGS)))))))
I so wish things were different for you....
sigh
bizi

(((( Donna, Bizi, Bobby ))))

Dear Donna,

i love garage sales. both for buying and for selling. that just "isn't done" here. no home-type sales to sell used items. people just throw things out. most things you can't even give to like salvation army type places. it is horrible.

Dear Bizi,

it is reassuring that you understand. folks here don't understand. not even my folks really, who can to a better degree. the worst social time i have ever had was when 9/11 happened. i heard the most awful things come out of peoples mouths - i hear american culture and foreign policy criticized at the best of times, but at such a time, i was really apalled. it was not everyone, but enough to hurt. no recourse. couldn't tell them to shut up, couldn't exactly call them unpatriotic - this is not US territory. you know, public polls were in favor of the political solidarity shown to the US - but only marginally. and many in favor were still critical of how things got the way they did. i could not say a darn thing. well, i did say a few things to those i knew, but they just became more vicious. that really ate at me. i already felt sick for what happened, and folks kept saying things that made me feel sicker, and totally alien.

Dear Bobby,

you are so kind. right now i am having to work to be get-alongable-with. so, i do not feel too lovable, lol. thank you for that.

my mom suggested meds too. as i told her, not being upset in these circumstances would be pathological. pdoc later reassured me that was true and that meds are indeed inappropriate in this case. he added that just because someone has history of needing meds doesn't mean they need meds whenever they have feelings.

i appreciate you looking out for me in that sense though. mom too.

~ waves ~

Waves

I'm so glad that you can post about this stuff. And even can talk to
your mom. I am so proud of you.

Donna