[befuddled2]

is so very hard to do. Letting go of cigarettes, letting go of relationships, letting go of grudges, letting go of children, or anything else that was or is a big part of our lives is hard to do. Tonight I have come to the conclusion that letting go of my 3-D family is probably the best thing for me to do. I had done just that for so well until my older brother invited me to facebook. There I got a slimmer of hope that my younger brother and I could get back in good graces. So I sent him this poem I wrote the day before Mother's Day.
--------------------------


Holidays

Written 5-8-10 in the early afternoon:

When you don’t like TV and your radio is all static,
I just sit and stare at the walls like they are mystic.

The loneliness brings my mind to good and bad,
Sometimes I’m productive but mostly I’m sad.

The booze takes the boredom out of my day,
When there’s no word from others what to say.

In this world where people are so misunderstood,
I go back and think of the shoulds and the coulds.

Sometimes I write in words that rhyme,
Sometimes I cry over things that aren’t mine.

Families seem to be the biggest part of what makes your day bright.
I sit alone all Holidays because mine are no where in sight.
--------------------------------------

I saw this younger brother of mine whom I sent this poem to this past Sunday on Facebook tonight so I know he's been online for sure. He never answered my mail to him on Facebook or answered the emails I sent to his email addresses. I swallowed my pride and tried to break the ice. I didn't know how else to do it as I do not communicate well except when writing poetry. For the past 4 days I waited, checked over and over, for a response from him but nothing. It got me so down every day not hearing from him that I could barely function. I stayed in bed most of the time and lost all interest in things. Tonight I told myself that I am going to just have to let it go and accept that my 3-D family will never be there for me. I'm going to have to let the idea of family go and realize that it's just me like it has been for the longest time. At least I won't be continually getting my heart broke by my family no longer. It was this type of behavior from them that made me break ties with them before. So even though letting go is hard to do sometimes it just has to be done - Barbara

[Mari]

Dear Barbara,
I'm sorry.

M.

[bizi]

That is a hard poem to write and to read....
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Dmom3005]

You know Barb, I think its hard for guys or brothers to talk to people
period. That may be a lot of the problem.

Sending you hugs.


Donna

[befuddled2]

Thank you Mari, Beth, and Donna.

Donna, I agree that some men find it hard to to talk about things but it is still no excuse for no response. It was hard for me to send him that poem but I did it anyway because I thought it would be worth it.

I've made out my will last night and my family is not in it. I've felt so much more better today just telling myself that I'm going to let my family all go and get on with my life. I have been okay with it for several years so I'll be okay with it from this point on.

barbara

[collinsc]

Barbara,
I read your post and of course your poem and was very moved! I thought the poem must have been hard for you to even write! I am going to say I am sorry that your brother reacted the way he did and tell you that you are worth being treated better!

I am glad you are no longer being consumed by this, that was not good! You have some 3-D friends and people you can trust and rely on, make closer bonds with them! Just because you brother is family doesn't mean you or him are going to like each other! I have a brother we are 9 yrs apart in age and we hate each other! Like you I tried to get close to him and every time he would cut my legs right out from under me! I had no choice but to do what you did I let go and moved on with my life! I replaced him with someone who deserved me and you should do the same!

Colleen

[befuddled2]

Thanks Colleen. You are so right to work on the bond between the friends I do have. I actually only have one person I can call a friend in 3-D so far. My boyfriend is person #2.

barbara

[Dmom3005]

Barb
Thinking of you.

Donna

[befuddled2]

thank you Donna. I was really down in the dumps this past Sunday but the other days of the long weekend were not that bad. I ordered myself a 37" HDTV Sunday night which lifted my spirits up a lot. Last night I looked forward to today to get things down that can not be done on the weekend.

barbara

[BlueMajo]

Aw Barb !!!

So sorry !!! It hurts... but I do belive time cures everything...

Thanks for your words, the poem was touching, but the words in your post touched me deeper... Im pretty bad letting go... Im the worst... But yeah... as I said before, time cures everything, and remember sometimes less is more...

xoxo