Dear Jen,
I hope you feel better tomorrow.
M.

I do not have an eating disorder, actually am afraid of taking my meds because of the nausea that have...hate the feeling of throwing up as i am sure everyone does.

It's been a few hours since I posted that post and was able to get a hour of sleep...it took FOREVER to fall asleep, my head would not be quiet.

I kept reading what I had posted and that wasn't fair what I said or nice. I get into the dissociation and something takes over, and yes I am working with a therapist who is very good at what she does. She is helping me very much and that's why so much of this is coming out right now. I never used to say a thing to anyone. I never would have written any of these things even when I don't know any of you in real life.

Things are getting pretty heavy in therapy and am trying to come off the Nardil and then I was taking that sleeping stuff. Before I started taking it and found out it was benedryl I had a bad night one night when i took a benedryl for a cold...but that was a while ago and thought it was just because i was sick...now am wondering if i can't take benedryl...duh! I used to take it when I was sick and it worked pretty good, never made me feel like way it has.

Sundays are probably the worst day of the week for me. I have never done well on a sunday and that's probably why i was so mean in what i was writting. I watched the movie "precious" which I can't get out of my head now. I should never have watched it, but how was i supposed to know was going to get triggered like that. Oh well, hopefully will go away soon.

It's 2:45am, usually am up during this time anyways, actually i think for the past 3 months I have seen this time every day. Getting used to it, but I don't like it. So I write in my journal if I feel like it or watch t.v. or listen to mp3 player, but usually takes until 5 or 6am to go back to sleep if at all.

take care everyone, and thanks for all the advice. I am feeling a little better physically except for extreme dizziness and nausea but probably from still having some of those pills in me.
Jen

dear jen,
you are fine with what you have posted.
keep posting, writing venting.
I can;'t remember if you have ever tried a real sleeping pill before.
ambien?
It can be very effective for a lot of folks.
sometimes people take seroquel at night.
others take klonipin.
I take geodon and klonipin, I sleep fine on these meds.
I am sorry that you and so many others suffer with sleep issues.
bizi

bizi,
yes have been on all sorts of sleeping pills, and all that you have mentioned have tried. When went on Nardil (MAOI) couldn't really take anything and my pdoc would help me find anything, and so on and so on.

anyways, thanks for support,
jen

Dear Jen

i hope you are able to get a little more sleep tonight, and that you feel somewhat better tomorrow.

i don't think all this is nothing... and i would agree if it is, i'd rather get it from a doctor, but i don't want to bug you about that more.

it's ok to tell us about it even if you think it's nothing, and regardless of what you do about it.

i hope you don't mind my expressing my concerns however. i realize it is scary to think that something could be wrong - maybe easier to think it is nothing.

i should also point out that depression often makes us see ourselves as undeserving, unworthy... and then we don't want to 'burden' others with our troubles. sometimes it helps to try and throw a wrench into our perspective... say:

what if you had a child in your care, who had all the symptoms you do... how would you feel about it then?

i am sending you a smile :) and kind thoughts http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/angel.gif

:hug:

~ waves ~

Sending you hugs.

I have been bugging my daughter in law about getting a new
doctor. Sorry if it seemed to rub off on you too.

Donna

Dear Jen,
I'm wondering how you are doing.

Of course you are usually sleeping during this time.
Maybe we will hear from you after you sleep.
Sleep is good.
M.

yes Jen,

how are you doing?

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

don't really know what to say anymore.

been like i have no clue anymore like 3 days i think since have slept, i think i have slept an hour in those days, i am not sure, things aren't so good obviously.

am really just not sure what to say anymore. I have my therapy in the morning and will go and then come home and maybe be able to sleep a little.

i can't even think straight. I went to town today and was the first time i had driven in like 5 days i think and it wasn't fun, i live in like a pretty small city/town whatever, like 14,000 people, so it's not very long to get to anywhere, but things weren't right and if i moved my head too fast i would get that spinning sensation. Wasn't a fun time, plus the heat index was like 95 here with really high humidity and i don't do well in that type of heat.

So that's about all there is to report. not really exciting. thanks for your concern

jen

Dear Jen, :Heart:

I hope that the visit to the therapist is helpful. :hug:
M.

Jen

Sending good thoughts.

Donna

Dear Jen

have a good visit with your T and i hope that you are able to get some rest afterwards.

don't worry about not knowing what to say. you can say anything, and it can be a lot or just a little. don't feel like you have to post if you aren't up to it, but also know that it is ok to just post a hello without saying a whole lot if you don't feel like it... just to keep in touch if you wish.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

thanks everyone, you are all very nice to me

i am not doing well at all, haven't been to bed yet, and right now i don't care about anything. I don't know how am going to make it through my session today. I am going to just suck it up and deal i guess.

i am so sick right now, i don't know what to do. my cousin says am in denial about it and i need to go to the doc. ASAP...i just tell her it's in my head. I don't know anymore.

take care everyone
jen

Dear Jen,

you are certainly overwhelmed... when that happens things can get too much for us to 'care' about them

i hope you will tell your T how you are feeling... maybe she can help even if you are normally working on big stuff. and maybe coming through the big stuff will gradually help, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. sometimes progress can only be seen in hindsight.

just do one thing at a time. right now you have therapy.

after that, you can think about after that.

~ waves ~ wishing you well :hug:

Jen
Therapy then other thoughts.

But I have to say I agree with your cousin.

So I hope you go see a doctor.

Donna:grouphug:

please forgive me....
Have you tried zyprexa before, I have heard that it really knocks a person out...maybe that could help you to get some sleep.
I am sorry that you are this sick, I hope the tdoc can help you today to feel better.
be safe on the roads.
sending careful thoughts your way for a safe journey.
be good to your self.
This is not your fault.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I had a very hard session, my therapist really wants me to see a doc. like right now. She thinks am very dehydrated and needs to be seen asap. so i called the clinic and they said they want me to come in too. I am very scared now.
I have to go in to see a doc i don't usually see, but have seen him before and seems nice.
anyways, just wanted to give you an update.
thanks everyone hugs,
jen

and about the med above i do not know or rememeber if i have been on it or not. I have been on soooo many meds over the last 14 years and am not sure. I will look into it thanks.

Jen, i am glad you called the clinic and are going in. thanks for letting us know. They will take care of you. even if they can't fix everything, they will make sure that you are safe.

And yes, Zyprexa is a mean-azz knocker outer.;) maybe it can be helpful if they are willing to prescribe it. for a short term.

good luck at the doc's and good job going to your session.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Jen
I am personally relieved that you have called and gotten in. I'm so glad
the tdoc listened and got you talked in. I'm so glad that you know believe
its not in your head only.

Thank goodness, someone listened to you in person.

Donna:hug:

Dear Jen,
 

Thank goodness you are going to the clinic.
They will help you.

M.

jen thanks for letting us know ....check back in when you are up to it.
get well soon!
am sending healing thoughts your way.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Letting everyone know I was admitted when I went in to see the doc. Said was/am dehydrated...so its really early in the morning and I have been sleeping which is good. But the machine went off so decided to let u all know where I am. I will be going home today though hopefully.
Thanks again everyone,
Jen

Dear Jen,
I'm glad that they folks in the hospital helped you.
Take care of yourself.
M.

Jen

I am so glad that when you went to the Doctor that they took it
seriously. See it wasn't all in your head. Sometimes it can seem
so much like it is and its not. So you make sure that you listen
a little more to what your body is telling you.

And if you can't take your own opinion completely. Then do what
you have been doing this time. Talk to us, then go to the tdoc,
and get 2nd and 3rd opinions.

But the main thing is your going to be fantastic again and your okay.
Keep us updated.

I'm so glad you are okay.
Donna:grouphug:

thanks so much everyone for your continued support.

I am home now and feeling better. I slept so much there i can't tell you how many hours...and was pumped full of fluids and hope that won't have to do that again. I am feeling pretty good, just really tired and still weak, but that's what staying in bed for all that time will do to you I think.

I am just glad to be home. I know that I should have gone in sooner but I fight going to the doc. lately cause of all the things that have been going on and feeling like i am complaining all the time. Guess this time it was real and hope it helped me.

Thanks again for all your support and good thoughts
hugs,
Jen

Dear Jen

so glad they helped you. :)

and that you got some good sleep!! i hope that keeps up!!!

welcome back home. ;)

:hug:

~ waves ~

yea! you got some sleep!:)

Wonderful post and time.

Donna

Hi everyone,

Update on how am doing. Things aren't so well. I want to just tell you things are fine and great and am doing much better, but what would be the point in that, would be just hurting myself right? At least that's what am telling myself.

I have a call back in the clinic to see if can get something that will dissolve in my mouth for nausea. I am hardly able to even drink anything, i have a glass of water next to me, and i keep sipping on it. I just want to cry. I fell asleep at 5 this morning I think it was and got like 3 hours of sleep so maybe i just got too much sleep while i was in the hospital if possible to happen.

I don't know what is causing this stuff to happen to me. My labs were all fine, so my therapist has given me some ideas about what is going on, but am pretty much in denial about things. Or maybe it's not in denial, I don't know anymore. I just know that I ate a little yesterday and that didn't sit well with me, and drinking things is hard. I even got some gaterade and that isn't doing it. I am not so sure what to even try, but i know that just am not feeling well again.

I have been taking meds and stuff, and just trying to relax, which isn't so easy when can't stop thinking right now. It's so weird cause when i was in the hospital i didn't think about things, well maybe cause that's cause i slept most of the time...duh Jen...anyways, now am home and can't stop thinking. I even took a valium and that isn't working...i called my therapist but have to wait for her to call if she calls today or wait till she calls monday or when i see her wednesday...idk anymore.

anyways, that's what's up...sorry not better new.

tc everyone,
jen

did they give you a clue how you got dehydrated.

wondering... since you are on a water pill.

taking a diuretic while being unable to tolerate drinking water seems very very very very scary to me.

i don't think you got too much sleep Jen. you haven't had enough sleep for so long, even if you slept for 48 hours it wouldn't be too much. but it might cause you to feel disoriented - and even just being in the hospital for any reason can stress someone out.

once i took a med that was most likely defective - got a heavy doses of a 24-hour release thng all shot into my system at once. i had to call an ambulance - never mind the inbetween, they figured out and sorted me out but i was in hx for 2 nights + 1 day that time. and the next day i was totally weirded out. my doc said it was from the trauma of being that ill, suddenly, and in and out of hospital like that.

i don't know but just a thought this might be going on.

you need to be able to take drinks so i am glad you are calling the clinic if the nausea is preventing you from that. please ask them about the safety of using the diuretic if you are having trouble taking fluids also.

:hug:

~ waves ~

No clue why am dehydrated, but it's been very very very hot and humid here and not drinking or eating hardly probably caused it at least in my mind. Right now, putting things in my mouth or even having to drink something makes me sick to just think about and than when i do try and drink the water it doesn't help. I am sure that's probably another reason that am like this right now.

I just want to be able to sleep, i could care less about being hydrated or whatever, that'll come later when i feel better maybe...at least that's what i think. I don't know what to do anymore....I can't take much more of anything. Is this all in my mind???? I mean really, I was there and now am home and still can't drink...so must be in my mind right?

Like it's 1:40pm or so here and haven't even been able to eat a thing today and have had some little water with meds this morning and am trying to take little sips of water...ya know was just thinking, why am I writing this to you guys, does it belong here? Should I just be quiet and deal with it...yeah is what my head is saying, I don't know what to even do about anything right now. I just feel like crap again, and I shouldn't cause I am hydrated I mean they gave me 4 bags or maybe 3 bags of fluid in less than 24 hours. So That shouldn't be something that's wrong.

So must just be in my head...I will just deal.

thanks for listening to my nonsense.
jen

dear Jen

it isn't in your head. the only thing that is 'all in your head' is the idea that this physical stuff is all in your head.

please call the clinic and tell them you are unable to take fluids due to nausea or whatever else. please ask them about the safety of using the water pill also.

sorry if it is upsetting. i know you feel really bad. and that is why these things are so important. if you felt good, there would be no need to call the clinic. :hug:

keep typing whatever you feel like to us and it isn't nonsense. :hug:

~ waves ~

could you try some chicken broth? or popsicles? jello?
if you are taking meds on an empty stomach they could be causing yout o be nauseated.
I agree with waves about discussing the water pill if you are not drinking.
They did not correctly treat you. they only treated a symptom they did not treat the problem.
Don't be afraid of going back into the hospital for care. they are there to help you and figure out what is wrong with you.
bizi

I did call them about 5 hours ago, and no phone call back and they close in 15 min...so I don't know what to say or do. I will call my pharmacy and see if they called something in and didn't call and tell me. Who knows.
Thanks everyone, I am still trying to drink, just not going so well...not as nauseated now though, i just am having a problem with putting things in my mouth, so it's probably not something physical. Anyways, have a good day/night.
Jen

Hey Jen - the pharmacist might also be able to advise you...

as far as the water pill, the safey concern is that you aren't getting fluids, regardless if the reason is physical or psychological. so for lack of a doctor, ask the pharmacist, is the water pill safe with your limited fluid intake?

it ticks me off that the clinic that didn't call you back! :(:mad:

that is good that you were trying to take sips... do what you can. and i am glad the nausea has improved. i hate nausea.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Jen,
 

I am chiming in here to suggest that you call the pharmacist Saturday and ask if it is safe to take a diuretic while not able to take fluids.

You might go to the hospital again and get sorted out again.
Someone needs to treat you for the nausea.

M.

Hi everyone,

I called the on call doctor last night to see what he suggests, and I keep forgetting to say that I am on that water pill. He told me to call the clinic this morning or try to get an apointment. So I will call, I don't know if taking something that he called into the pharmacy will work at this point. I got up and got a bottle of water and started to drink it but as soon as I got even a little in me my stomach hurt so bad. I just figured probably cause haven't had that much at a time in a while. Then tried to eat something cause I know I have to force myself to eat and drink at this point....and it's just so hard. I had some of those freeze things you put in the freezer for some more fluid so that is in me too.

I am scared right now. I don't like to go to the doctor, which i am sure a lot of people don't, but people don't usually really get this upset over going in. i don't know where this all in my head stuff is coming from because i never used to have a fear of going. Part of me knows something could be wrong, and the other is like stay home and deal. I have 3 hours before the clinic opens so will see what happens between now and then with how my body is keeping the liquid in me. So far it's ok, only come out one end...sorry I know not the best thing.

Thanks again for advice and for caring,
hugs,
jen

Dear Jen,

Write down what you need to say to the clinic on the phone:
1. on a diuretic (name of drug) but can't keep any liquids or food down.
2. have nausea -- not able to keep down food or water.
3. have been dealing with this since ______ (this many days).

If I mis-characterized your situation I'm sorry, but you get the idea. Write down what you need to say before you make the phone call. Take this one step at a time.

I think that given the right information and given your insistence on being heard, they can help you.

You don't know if this is serious or not. You do know that this is serious enough to be treated.

Don't worry about what could be wrong. Only worry about making sure that you articulate what you need to say.
I feel that once doctors have given us medications, those doctors (or their representatives) are responsible for making sure that those medications are helping.

M.

Jen

You will do fine.

Just do some writing down. It makes it easier to remember.

Donna:grouphug:

Ended back up in the hospital again. Again am back home 24 hours later this time feeling much better and able to at least eat this time and drink. The doc didn't say anything about the water pill, I did mention it many times but she didn't say anything about not taking it. Was given a CT scan and everything is fine. I have to go back sometime this week and just have a check with my regualar doc. but am ok.

Thanks everyone.
Tc hugs,
jen