Dear Jen,
That's good that you got up the courage to go to the hospital to take care of yourself. I'm happy that they helped you this time.

M.

Dear Jen

glad to hear you are doing better. :):hug:

~ waves ~

glad to hear that you are better!
bizi

Dear Jen,
'Thinking about you.
'Sending some hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:
M.

Thanks everyone for the hugs and support. very nice of u to stick by me through this. enough is enough though right? can't find anything wrong with me so that's good right? still forcing the water in me though, and forcing food in me. but things are going in and staying in for the most part so that is good. still nauseated, actually it's gotten really bad, but my head is pounding too so am afraid my migrains that i had years ago are back or something is up with my head.
have to have a follow-up sometime when i make the appointment so maybe will see if he thinks that could be what's happening. have put off making the follow-up because of being in that stupid clinic so much last week and i have to go see my reg. doc and my pdoc. they are both in the same clinic and in the same vasinity in the clinic cause it's just a small place.
i know i have to get over this and just go and do what is best for my health, right now i don't care though...too much else is going on and things happened yesterday to make me lose my best friend and just makes me think why do i even try?
anyways, not much else to say.
tc everyone and thanks again,
jen

Dear Jen,
You have gone through so much.
You can handle one more thing. Make the phone call to the doc and give him / her a chance to talk to you about what is going on.

M.

I know that you have been down that dark path before.
please pay attention to yourself and take care of you.
Depression can be life threatening.
make the calls get some answers.
there are things still wrong with you and need attention.
It will take effort.
jen you are worthy of this effort.
bizi

Dear jen
 

i am sorry about losing your best friend. :( i wonder if things can be reconciled.

but for now i'd say just put one foot in front of the other - even a toe, if you can't do a whole foot at a time, and let the doctors help you.

when you feel better it will be easier to deal with other things.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Jen
I totally understand the losing your bestfriend. I have done that
so many times. I've stopped trying to make best friends.

I just seem to survive by making friends now. I too had to go back
to the doctor, just for a follow up appt. I knew I didn't want to I've
been avoiding a couple things I should be doing. But luckily didn't
get a lecture. Just that they would do what they could right now.

So I will start what I can too.

Donna

hi,

just quick saying hi and ty for all nice things u have said and support u have given me.
things just not well. i am feeling ok i guess. not the best but ok. but other things not good.
don't know what else to say, feel like dissapointment to everyone here and don't deserve anything u have said, so maybe i just stay away. sorry i be that way and sorry i not be a good person.

jen

Dear Jen,
Depression is difficult.
We're pulling for you and wishing things were going better for you.

M.

what are you saying jen????
of course you are a good person.
keep posting, vent talk chat what ever works for you.
we will listen. many of us have become a big support to each other over time so we aren't going anywhere so post when you want to... we will be here. WE are not going any where.
good times bad times....we all need support.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Jen
 

don't worry about how to be. i am glad to see that you posted.

sorry things are not good. i wish they were better. but still nice to see that you stopped by.

~ waves ~

Jen
When you are ready to share the problems. Let me know I am a good
listener. Just talking can help.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Jen
 

just want to wish you a Happy Fourth of July. :)

http://dl4.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...lk0t479j1w.jpg

~ waves ~

Thanks and happy 4th to u too.

I wanted to wish everyone a happy 4th also.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi everyone,

Sorry it has been so long. Things are a MESS here. So many appointments lately that it's hard to keep track and then my pdoc appointments keep getting rescheduled and so it's just frusterating to me.

I saw the sleep specialist on Thursday and she is writing a letter to my pdoc telling him to put me back on a sleeping pill. She doesn't think it's right for him to tell me that he won't help me with my sleep because i see a sleep specialist so she is actually going to write to him. I asked her to because i can't have the nights that I don't sleep cause the depression is hitting hard. I also saw an insomnia specialist that same day and he wants to see me weekly for a few months, but that is impossible right now with the way of having no vehicle so I see him in a few weeks to go over the results of the assesment I took when I saw him.

I saw my therapist on Wednesday too and she was 30 min late and when the clock struck it's bell at the hour I just said I have to go, she told me no and said you need to stay jen and talk, things aren't good for you and you need to stay so I did for like 7 min of which i hardly remember the session anyways. I see both her and my pdoc this wednesday. I haven't been on an anti-depressent since the 25th. I went off the Nardil so that I could see if that was keeping me from sleeping at least partially the problem, the other is nightmares and flashbacks and all that crap that goes with PTSD and dissociation I guess.

I am going to see if can get on an anti-depressent again. I think I have been on every one of the SSRIs and I am refusing to go on another MAOI. Too much of a restriction on almost everything with MAOIs and I just don't think they are for me. So back to the drawing board i guess. I have no clue what he is or will think of putting me on an anti-depressent when I see him, but we'll see.

I am leaving Wed. afternoon for a 2-day vacation with my dad. We are going about 2 hours away or so and it's just going to be the 2 of us....not sure if am looking forward to it or if i just can't see that far ahead right now. I have so much to do with having to move and not knowing if I have an apartment yet after I live with my mom for a month or not. i will find that out in about 3 weeks, would be nice to at least know by the end of the month. It's low-income and 363 sq. ft. so very small but hopefully i am ok there. I think i have said before I have never done well on my own and am scared of living on my own again, I just know I can't live with my dad and step-mom anymore, and living with roomates has never worked out for me. I need my space, but night time is the worst time for me and so i might have to look into getting some nightlights or something...i don't know yet, at least if i do get this place it's in a secure building and i don't know what to think right now, i just don't want to sabatoge this or do something that would create more stress on my family they are going through enough as it is. If i do get this apartment the lady said it could be mid september when it is ready so i could move in there, which means moving twice in less than 3 weeks...YUCK!!! but i just want to get it over with.

I might be working out in our garage today to go through my crap to see what i need/want to keep and what i don't need/want to keep anymore. Who knows maybe everything is wrecked cause it's been in there for 2 years or more actually and if i see one mouse i am out of there. I will just let my dad come out there and help me. I am very scared of bugs and especailly mice and things like that. i am sure am not the only one that is like that though. I just know that i wouldn't be able to go back in the garage if I saw one of those, i get freaked out when i see a spider in my room, and just talking about it is making my skin crawl so enough of that.

Well, basically been up since 11 last night and now it's almost 7 am. Too much to think about lately and haven't been feeling the best. But have to deal with it and do what I can. I have to at least go through my room, i have probably over 120 cds to go through and donate the ones I don't listen to, actually if i was smart i would just put the songs on my laptop that I like and donate the cds to the second hand store and that would be like 30 lbs less to carry on moving day, but am not smart and I don't know if I even want to start that.

Anyways, I am babbling so am going to sign off for now. Thanks everyone for sticking by me thorugh all this crap...and sorry haven't kept you updated.

Hugs,
jen

Hi Jen

nice to see you. gosh 2 moves in 3 weeks yikes! i hope the apartment works out for you though.

that's a lot of CDs to give away. you know, some stores (even ones that sell new stuff) will buy used CDs if they are in good condition. you won't get a lot - i mean it can run $1-5 depending on CD condition and how easy it is to find. thing is if you end up giving away just 50 of them, that's $50 minimum... nothing to sneeze at. just a thought.

i am soooooo glad the sleep specialist wrote to your pdoc to help you! and good luck trying a new antidepressant.

take care :):hug:

~ waves ~

hi jen I hope you are sleeping....
moving is so hard.
I wanted to tell you of my meds that work for me. lamictal is a mood stabilizer that has anti depressant qualities to it. I can't take ssris they make me manic, I take this at night. Geodon is an anti psychotic to help prevent mania, I take this 2x aday and I also take 1mg of klonipin anti anxiety med to sleep at night.

good luck with your moves and thanks for checing back with us write when ever you want to...we will be here.
bizi

Jen
We are here when you need us.

So just come and write when you can.

I use cymbalta for a anti-depressant and anxiety medication. Sorry I
don't know which category it serves in.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi,

today is the day I see my pdoc for new meds, at least hopefully he puts me on something for an anti-depressant...have been doing some research on a few of them. I have been on most of them anyways, and cymbalta was the one that worked the best for me, but it didn't work for very long and had to be increased and had to add other meds with it. I am thinking about Lexapro at this point or Celexa and seeing if he will add the trazadone for sleep and maybe change my anti-anxiety med...but thinking that is WAY TOO MUCH at one time so may take a few visits at least for the anxiety med. I know that my sleep specialist was supposed to send him a letter so hopefully he gets it and will do what she is asking of him.

I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep in 2 days and now it's 3:15 am and have been up for 5 hours. I try to sleep but can't, and probably cause just a lot of things going on. Today after my Therapy appointment my dad and I are going on a 2 day vacation and that will be nice to get away. My step-mom and the dog are driving me crazy, especially with having to move in 7 weeks and some of their fighting is getting to me too. I know they usually use the silent treatment with each other but woke up from a short nap the other day to louder than normal talk and asked dad if they were fighting he said yes, but hopefully he will be able to relax. My dad has high blood pressure and is also on lexapro, but his depression isn't as severe, but he still has it and I hate it when he is stressed cause you can feel it in the house.

The day I worked in the garage, Sunday, i ended up in the ER that night about 11:45 with the worst migraine i have ever had in my life. I was so scared that it was something other than a migraine cause the symptoms weren't the usual that I have when i get one. I haven't had a migraine since going off effexor in January and boy was i sick....i had to go in, i waited 11 hours before going into the hospital which i should have gone in sooner i know, but thought it was just something i could control at home. They gave me 2 shots one for nausea and the other for the pain....and they gave it to me in my arm...and i can hardly move it still today. It's worst then a tetnus shot.....lol. I was shaking so bad at one point they were wondering if was having a seizure but i was coherant enough to tell them was just in pain and freezing. I still am not feeling the best and have been having headaches on and off all day everyday since and before too, but not too bad. Oh well, hopefully will go away once I move, or may need to increase the depakote or something, not so sure right now...I know there is just a lot of stress.

Anyways, I am babbling cause am so sleep deprived again. I hope that going on this vacation will provide some relief in stress and help get some sleep...but am in the same room as my dad and he snores so loud it's not even funny...he has sleep apnea so bad, but of course won't do anything about it.

Take care everyone and thanks for listening to me go on and on.

Hugs,
Jen

Dear Jen

lexapro could be interesting for you - many folks find it sedating at least to begin with.

sorry about your ER experience there. :( i hope your pdoc has received the sleep doc's letter and is cooperative.

have a good time on the get-away with your dad. :hug:

~ waves ~

Jen

I have a suggestion for you. Since your having trouble sleeping anyway.
When you go in to the hospital for the pain of a migraine. Have them
do a EEG and see what kind of activity is going on in the brain. So
they can see if there is something going on.

I realize it sounds weird. But you can also sometimes have migraines
with a seizure. And it could also be a migraine or seizure aura.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Jen,

You have a lot going on.
I hope that the and vacation go well.

Are you ever able to take naps?

M.

Hi everyone,

I had a pretty nice vacation. The first night there the lights went out cause of bad storms. 2 Tornadoes touched down 4 and 6 miles from where we were staying....and back here at home 2 had been spotted about 2 miles from here, lots of damage in near by towns but everyone ok. Was kinda glad to be home though...lots still to do before the move. Then Saturday night another round of severe weather...I hate storms to begin with, but this time i just didn't care. Too much going on to care about the weather if that makes sense.

I don't have therapy this week unless someone cancels so am trying to stay busy or at least keep mind occupied so i don't think, but not going so well, and the headaches are constant pretty much now. I really don't understand why I have been having them, at least a month now have had a headache a day, but for the last 2 weeks maybe a little less it's been a constant thing and than that migraine Sunday, and now it's Sunday and getting another one...just not nearly as bad. So, we'll see how long they keep going like this and if keep getting bad ones i will talk to my doc. They really stop you in your tracks when you want to do things...and it's so hard to fall asleep. It's been almost 4 hours since i took my meds and haven't been able to fall asleep yet.

Oh and Mari, I do take naps sometimes. I try and take a nap especially when really tired and have no energy, but lately they are hard to come by cause of all the things that have to do yet and this house is so tense right now I stay in my room almost all the time. My dad is so tense about the move and not knowing where they are going, and he is very negative in everything...probably where I get that from, but he acts so angry and he probably is...he has every right to be, just not at my step-mom and I.

Anyways, thanks for listening

Hugs,
Jen

Dear Jen,
I'm happy to hear that you had a good vacation. You were able to get away and enjoy yourself a bit for a little while.
Next you will be moving and it appears that you are emotionally ready to do that.

Yuck to the headaches. I send wellness vibes. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Regarding the weather: I find myself jumpier about rain or thunder than I used to be -- although even as a child I did find them a little unnerving -- I think I was an anxious child.
We don't get big tornadoes here but we get lots of little ones with the thunderstorms.

M.

I was able to enjoy myself for the most part. My dad was pretty ok while we were together, he seemed to relax a little...I understand the frustration he has and not knowing where they are going in 7 weeks is very hard...i totally understand that. I haven't been excepted yet into the place that I would like to be living, just a few things they are waiting for from references and things like that and will get a letter or a phone call with a yes or no.

I can go stay with my mom for little while, but that is last resort. If I can't move in when i need to I will be going to my mom's for a couple weeks and that I can handle, I just can't handle months out there, they live very far from town and I have no vehicle and cell phone reception isn't good there, plus they have dial-up which is good for them, but I took an hour one time for me to get on facebook and that's very frusterating, but will take what I can get at this point, i just so badly want a yes from this place.

Take care,
Jen

Dial Up!! Oh no!
That would be like living off the grid entirely :eek:-- might as well grow our own food too. :D


I hope you get the new place you want.
You'll feel settled soon. Maybe now you feel that you are in transition.
Transitions are hard for most folks so know that this is a trying time and try to take things easy on yourself.

M.

Funny that you say they might as well grow their own food. They have a pretty big garden and when it's time to pick the veggies they do a lot of canning and use the food saver machine. They are very healthy people and enjoy the garden. Most of the corn they aren't sure will make it this year because of the last two really severe storms with winds at least 50-60 mph at times. But they have pretty much everything else.

Had a really rough night...it's only 4:30 but I got about 1 1/2 hours of sleep. My head is pounding and I tried a really cold washcloth but nothing. I have rice bags that you can can put in the freezer or microwave but my step-mom used them and didn't put them back. She has RA and has developed knots in her wrists and is so swollen and in pain that they help her so I don't say anything. Would rather have her feel better for a little while. I feel so bad for her.

Anyways, I hope to get some more sleep in soon if I can...head is pounding away and nothing I take helps so I am not going to even try that. Last time I took stuff it made it worse and ended up in the ER. I don't know what to do...if I should go to the doc. or just wait and see cause it could be just stress ya know?

Anyways, take care,
Jen

Jen

glad you had a good vacation.

tell your doc about the headaches.

i am concerned that you only seem to consider something a migraine if it wipes you out. the headache in migraine is often moderate-severe, but does not have to be. they can even be mild or not present. there can be different presentations with different determining characteristics.

the headaches could also be "just" stress, tension. OR rebound headaches. OR dehydration again. or something else. they are still relevant. treatment will depend on the cause. so please tell your doctor about them and any other symptoms regardless of whether you "connect" them to the headache or not. then the doctor can help you.

and do try to keep up the liquids.

~ waves ~

Jen

I second Waves request to tell the doctor about the headaches. The
reason is that even stress, tension or migraine headache all can be treated
with medication. I know I have all three. But I also get sinus headaches,
which I treat with sinus medicine plus either tylenol or one of the medicines
that I have for the Tension headaches. But I've been told by my pain
management doctor that I am allowed to use my imitrex too if the pain is
so severe its needed. And its worked. I've had to use it a couple of times.

I also know that if you don't treat it, sometimes it will just linger and then
return. Also if you are having lots of bad weather, this may be your problem.
The weather effects my head. I have to take my migraine medicine when
we start having severe storms. Or even if the temperture just starts changing big time.

Also I find that if I'm outside I have to wear sunglasses all the time. Or I have a severe headache within 10 minutes. I wear them till about 30 minutes
till dark.

It helps a lot. I've lost two pairs, and had to replace them immediately.

Donna

Thanks for the information.

I have been thinking about making an appointment with my primary doc. but then I talked to my mom and she says it's just stress and to hold off for a while. She's probably right, there is a lot going on with the move and with the tension in this place I live with my dad and step-mom.

I was on imatrex (sp) once and never took it again cause i got sooo sick from the shot. It made it so much worse.

I'm back to the thing with going to the doc. again. I feel so stupid going in there for a headache, but who knows what to do anymore. I feel my mom thinks i go to the doc. for too many things that this is just a little thing and that i don't need to run to the doc. for every little thing ya know? I am at the point where I need someone to say Jen it's ok that you should go to the doc...and meaning someone like a friend, or even my dad or something...but I swear am always at the clinic.

I am already on so many medications as it is. Maybe even my depakote or Neurontin could be increased, but I know in the past I was on medication for migraines, but don't remember what.

I don't know what to do...I am just wanting a healthy day where I can be ok for a day ya know? Seems like always something wrong with me and so I feel am a hypochondrict (sp).

I am in a downward spiral today so I don't even know if I should be saying anything.

Thanks everyone for your support,
jen

Dear Jen

i am sorry your mom is not supportive of you going to the doc. i am sorry we cannot be persuasive enough for you to feel ok about going. i really hope that your dad or someone can persuade you.

one thing about being on lots of meds is that we have to rely on our doctors more, to help us even with what may seem like "ordinary" things. because we have to be careful about what else we take or whether one of the meds is causing a problem. we can't and should not figure that out by ourselves or assume there isn't a problem.

frequent headaches are not "a headache" and i don't see it as an ordinary problem either. it has already been going on a while as i see it.

the doc does not help you out of the kindness of his heart. they get PAID.

you do not, on the other hand, get paid to suffer.

please think about it. you have more than my permission to go to the doc. if i were there i'd probably pick you up and plop you down in a car and drive you myself. but i'm not so this is the most i can do, is say i wish you would go and not wait for someone's arbitrary permission.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Waves,

I am sorry I didn't mean to make it sound like you all aren't enough to persuade me. I have a tough time doing things without the simple yes from family....have had that for a long time. Like I need their permission to do anything it seems. I don't know why that is, but I have a hard time making decisions maybe because am afraid i will dissapoint them even more than already have.

I do have a doc. appointment this afternoon. My primary doc. is out for the week, so I am seeing another doc. who has been very nice to me in the past and is one of the docs that put me in the hospital for the first dehydration.

waves i do wish you were here, i need a friend like you all here...so supportive. It's nice to hear your kind words.

Thanks for everything
hugs,
jen

Hi Jen

it's ok. and you are not alone - many of us have trouble with needing approval from family, in certain areas or in general. i just hate that it gets in the way of one's health. :( i know you can't help it.

i am glad you are seeing a doc this afternoon that has been good to you. i hope she will be helpful again. check in when you want and let us know how things went. :hug:

take care.

~ waves ~

Dear Jen,
 

Waves is right of course. The more meds we are on, the more we need to see the docs. The docs are responsible for us.

I think sometimes parents are in denial. They want to ignore reality and want to wish us into wellness.


I hope your appt. today went well.

M.

Jen
Honestly as a parent in a case of headaches. You as the patient
are the only one that can make the right decision for you. A parent
or another relative can't.

I am having to help my son make decisions for his seizure medications.
But that is because he has seizures and we have to help too.

But when it comes to his headaches. I expect him to know when he
needs tylenol. Since that is what is stopping them right now.

Donna

hi

i went to doc. nothing really happened...wants me to start PT which i don't understand. he said not simple solution to this and doeesn't want to put me on more meds...which is fine with me. he told me stop chewing gum, which i only was chewing gum to make sure my breath not smell. and other things which i don't do anyways...that is when he said no simple answer.

this is why i not like go to doc. PT??? for headaches??? never heard of it, and am even embarrassed to go cause i just finished PT for my back....I know they are really nice people there and wouldn't really say anything if i came back, it's just the prinicpal of it I guess. I tried to go there yesterday after appointment but they closed so supposed to call, i not knowing if even going to do it...but maybe it will help...i don't know and i can talk to them bout it first.

Well, back to bed for me.
Jen

he may feel the headache is to do with tension or posture or muscular weakness to a degree that cannot be corrected just by doing something different in your everyday life. and in that case, yes PT will help headaches! i am only second-guessing here... just saying it does not seem so strange to me. please try it.

i am so proud of you for going to the doctor and talking about the headache!

please do not feel embarrassed about going to the PT place... happens loads of times that a person has to do different runs of therapy for different things - nothing strange about it! at least you are already familiar with the place, and they with you... :)

thanks for checking back with us too.

:hug:

~ waves ~