I have had this siggy on another forum for awhile. I need to see it every day to remind me. There is too much beauty in this world. And sometimes that hurts, but it is still beautiful.

I didn't think my childhood was that much different. I know that a lot of people lived with alot more crap than I ever have seen. (like my parents. Poor people.)

I also supported my ex through a kidney transplant. I think that was harder than anything. Even raising my kids by myself after the divorce was easier than that.

I got my nails done. I even had little red hearts put on them. Oh, how vain. LOL Funny little pick me up though.

And I didn't even clean the house today. Just hand washed my bra. I got my errands done and have done nothing else.

Now I am going to make cd's to listen to in my new car. I have parted with the guilt of how I got it and I am learning to enjoy it.

Ewww. Sounds selfish. I am working on it. But ewwww.

Thank you for sharing abit of yourself...I like the pictures!
I release, I let go.
I need to practise saying this....and doing this.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Dear Bear,
The really good thing about getting nails is that we can stop and look at them during the day and think about how neat they are.
Even better, they limit our ability to do certain things like housekeeping.

You don't need to apologize for not having a horrible childhood.
My childhood was bad enough that I am still in therapy trying to figure how to handle it. And that is a problem. I'll deal with it. But it would be better if I didn't have to.

What songs did you put on the CD?



You are the least selfish person in the world.
So even if you started racking up selfish points now, you would still be behind everyone else.

Mari

amen to that Mari

Hi Mari. My first mix is MP3 Hard Core. Slip Knot, Cradle of Filth, Nine Inch Nails, Deftones, Disturbed, Rob Zombie (and some White Zombie), Korn. Hundreds more actually. Bless MP3 technology. I got turned on to some wild stuff this fall. My husbands work crew gave us tickets to Gears Of War for our wedding present. 8 bands of completely earblowing hard core. Of course my hubby went for Megadeath, but there was a band called Opeth. OM Heck. So eclectic. Lamb of God blew the roof off. And I have never seen a mosh pit so polite. Not one single fight. And there were so many different gangs in the pit, I was truly suprised. I have never been in a pit that I didn't have to sock somebody.

Any way.

My next one is going to be softer; Depeche Mode, Tori Amos, Bronski Beat, Ella Fitzgerald, Shubert (sp) maybe a little Holtz but he gets kinda intense. More than likely lots of Radio Head.

I have a thing for music. Can you tell?

Music is my outlet. If I am raging, I will find some music that I can crank and let them scream for me. If I am calm, I will turn on some classical or spanish guitar and dance around the house.

I miss dancing. I keep telling myself I should find a studio and just start again. But then life gets in the way and I just dream about it. Every peice of music that I hear gets translated into movement in my head, and I have choriographed hundreds of dances in my head. I was in a modern dance company from the age of 2 until I was 16. I quit for the theatre. I was going to be an actress you see.

Oh, I think the depression is lifting and I am feeling a tad bit more manic. Heh. Maybe that's why I ended up with fibro. I am physically so tired that I can't get into too much trouble in the manic stage. sigh.

Looking for that gift in the midst of the maddness.

Ack/ Work is my trigger. I was great over the weekend and then I nearly lost it last night. I didn't sleep well and I am back to the dear old panic.

I don't want to quit my job. But I don't know if I have the coping skills to do this anymore. My job is stressful, but I think most of my drama/trama is me. I am doing this.

I forgot how to let go.

I think it's time to call the pdoc. bletch.

Dear Bear,
Your work is very stressful.
I wish you did not have to work so hard.
((((HUGS)))
bizi