a friend reminded me in so many words, that it is unsafe to trust my feelings right now.

having been where i am, before, and had it turn around and kick me in the seat, for trusting feelings that went poof... i have 20-20 hindsight on the TYPES potential disasters i could continue to propagate forward into my life. but no way to apply to the present.

great. in any case logic can hold that. but logic doesn't get me very far (except at work where it earns my paycheck).

but for someone (me), and perhaps this applies to many of us, who is very emotional and i do mean when i'm stable, which i do not claim to be at the moment although things do ebb and flow i am not flowing and flowing and i don't ebb far... anyway we are still more sensitive, more reactive (i am anyway) more everything at a baseline nevermind now.

i take emotional reads on things - always. occasionally just before spells that evolved to full paranoia i've had sharply conflicted feelings that caused confusion and made me feel isolated like my emotional antennae were off. that caused a lot of distress but i am not there now. thank goodness paranoia is more an anxious feature i am not having anxiety except in acute alcohol w/drawal... yeah, know how to avoid that. also know lorry is there to fix it.

so many feelings so totally ONNNNN... i dunno how to plug my emotional transponders and not hear it... only way for it not to feed into my perceptions... and ultimately how i "know" the world around me... including, ppl, actions, reactions....

so .... how do i not trust my feelings. how do i do that? honest besides i react to quick i am not sure i can intervene right now i am pretty chill, sitting here posting nobody suggesting anything....

i feel more linear. i was getting to feel very branchy. i wonder if i can get the cellar stuff down there today i think not there is a lot of fine combing and deep-delving and i delve deeper than even plan usuall can't help if i'm going to file, i file it good. things look much sparser as it is though - in terms of "loose" items to put away. then there are drawers and cabinets i want to get to, too... since i am "making space"

i wonder if filing or making order with things makes one linear instead of branchy. or at least favors that type of thinking. like when you branch too much it doesn't work (well i just go way do something else and come back so i ma not sure.

no i guess filing doesn't make you linear but linear helps if you want to file or order things. but some branchy is useful.

~ waves ~ now pondering the branchiness-linearity of her current existential wormhole. hey, remember the prophets on ds9 would always say "it's not linear." i wonder how they filed things.