i don'tknow what's goign to happen
bt the other girl called the consultant boss coz yeasterdy my boss and i got into it again and i - having learned that sticking to guns can be key, have doen so... well but it degraded when i did not realize and suddenly he was being aggressive about the software deadline again like implications on my duties etc and i try to keep il lokey with replies like 'well i'm working on your stuff here, i'm not sitting here watching tv' but

afterthe fight

i was shaking from top to bottom.
i put my hands on the desk to stop from being ovious
could not think
furious

i spare you all the inbetweens and the amount of drugs and alcohol i've put down - mostly benzos and alkie in combo at times.

today i was barely past catatonic getting to work. my sleep med makes me feel peaceful , but this morning, i had sobs in my breath.

they "talked to me" today....................

they are going to "talk to my boss" tomorrow................

i actually thought about having a "heart-to-heart" with my boss................... may be risky. but also feels "honest."

i dunno. blatant honesty when not required has gotten me fired in teh past.

sending a zillion hugs
love
bobby

After having productivity issues in another position, I wouldn't disclose anything because the bottom line is that most bosses don't care to hear it. All they want is for their employees to be able to do their job. I would, however, contact and make an appointment with someone in your Employee Assistance Program. If you work for a large company and have been there for at least a year, you should have FMLA benefits that would cover time off for a chronic illness if needed.

I don't want to sound callous in your situation, but it just sounds really close to what I went through. Sometimes management will work with individuals if they're willing to work through the EAP.

Take care of yourself!

Rhonda

Dear Waves,

Call the pdoc. You can use his help. You do not have to go through this alone.

Take a day off if you can -- so that things calm down a bit.

M.

I agree with Mari,
You need the help from them to keep you being you.
Hugs
di

I am sorry that this happened......
we are here for you....
maybe the zyprexa could help stop some of the impulsivity/conflicts you are having...I don't know, grasping at straws.
people just want to get along, not have conflict.
kill them with kindness....catch more flies with honey...
again I am sorry...
love bizi

I'm so sorry this is happening waves I wish I had advice but I like what the others have offered. ((((((waves)))))) You vent here all you need to.

I'm sorry this is happening, Waves. It sounds like the last thing you need right now.
Since you need your job, please try to do what you can to salvage the situation. I think your idea of having a heart to heart with your boss is a good idea.
Rhonda had some good suggestions, but I don't know if you have FMLA benefits or EAP programs where you are. I agree with her about avoiding disclosure of your BPD. I had an extremely bad experience with disclosing my MS to a former employer.

You aren't stable right now. I agree with Mari that you should contact your pdoc. The zyprexa may help now, as Bizi suggested.

I'm sending you some (((((((HUGE HUGS))))))
and hope that this situation works out well.

Hang in there!
Kay

I can't keep thinking about you Waves. I'm so worried I keep tearing up. Seriously.
I really, really, really hope that everything turns out okay.

Kay

your posts were so comforting to me.
i runaround and don't get much read-time. and felt better thanks and kay was very touched. and i will do my best to follow suggestiongs and stuch.

i sent a pdoc a message saying i need a consult, pref in person.

i have an appointment for next wednesday at "worst"
but i was wanting to tlak to him anyway
i need some advice
if these ppl are ging to dump me
i need to look for a job - fast

(while i am still employed)

i don't think the zyprexa unless for my boss served as a suppository foil included.

~ waves ~