Dear Waves,

I appreciate your note.

Good luck with your day.

Keep holding on.

M.

That stinks, but he probably knows he can get away with it because no one else is there when he's refusing to offer you guidance. Keeping my fingers crossed that a new and better door appears soon and opens with friendly and cool people behind it ready to start a new chapter for your life. I am glad you're still taking your meds, I know sometimes it seems like they aren't helping but they probably are, it's just the situational nonsense is more overwhelming then they can help you normalize. Hang in there!

thank you both. mood is wavering today.... switch from melancholy to angry or a blend. so i appreciate your both stopping by on me. i have been posting so selfishly lately too. i am trying to catch up a bit. today is a holiday i will try to make the rounds a little. (specially now that i'm kinda not like doing a brainsurf thing any more.)

do not have the high energy any more. i feel pretty "normalish" today as that goes. my brain races sometimes but not always. i haven't hadn the blocking spells. or the language fusion spells either in a bit. (i speak several languages and i was having these spells, esp in big crowds like in a commute, where, i couldn't "tell" what lnaguage was being spone around me - not focus on one or another or mentally assume.... result - all i could hear were bunches and bunches of people blabbering senseless syllables all around me. brief spells, but very weird.

i just dosed out might meds higher. looks like i might have to "put them back" whatever. it might be better taking more during the week though - Depakote is one of the better drugs for handling mixed sx or rapid cycling, whichever it is.

Hi waves, You are one of the people I missed while off line. Hope you are doing better today. I just came back on line and found your post. Sorry things have been difficult for you. It has been that way for me too. Hope all is better today for you. Your job is important I know, but so are you. I hope some good and kind people will enter your life and make life at work easier. ginnie

[QUOTE=waves;753754]
do not have the high energy any more. i feel pretty "normalish" today as that goes.
QUOTE]

Dear Waves,
Your "normalish" days sound so rough.

If you can figure out a way to tweak the meds to help, do that. Taking them is a means to an end.

More hugs.


M.

Dear Mari,

maybe the increase will help and i should try it. i dosed out the depakote at 1200mg for 4 days (up from 1000).

i am tense about work even from home, so i think i will do think that, basically through Tue night, and i see my pdoc wednesday. so hard to know what to do. my pdoc is not famous for his med-tweaking knack.

i don't know if i can cut out the drinking at lunch. it's been every day or close a lot. i try. but i give in. and i don't know about here, but where i used to work that was breach of contract just being intoxicated on the premises - they wouldn't even have to pay me to leave. yet.... i do it.

i don't know how to argue for it keeping my afternoons sane but lets say that i am to the point of exploding in the morning.

today i have even considered the thought of receding myself. i don't want to end up unemployed again though. but i would be switching area this time anyway.

boss was 'apparently' pleasant friday afternoon. i hate the thought of the twists behind the appearance.

~ waves ~

and now am sort of gathering for battle as i see it - tomorrow.
i will expect peace, find peace, and then *BOOM*

the man will say something to make the glass house shatter. ahaaaa the superbiaaaaaa and yet i cannot leave it alone can i as i am not innocent.

so there you have it.


i need to find another job.

i've been fishing out and finishng up documents for sending out for stuff for teaching. i have the weekend i can work on that. there's not much else here of mine and can send to the cellar that isn't ready to go whne he wants to come paint.

so. sometimes i wish i lived in an unpainted wooden shack woodside. the bugs would bug me a bit and bite too but i'd love the smells and sounds.

~ waves ~

Hey waves...

You are so right... I say the same thing more than once every week... (or day !) I wish I could just live ! instead of deal, think, work, stress you know... ? I wish I could live in a black hole and just do... nothing ! eat maybe... listen to music maybe... but dealing with jobs, people is too hard for me 90% of the time... Then I take a deep breathe and realize I have to keep "fighting" you know... we are here... that's it. Have you read the sisyphus myth ?? we are just like that... living ok ? If we have a better day, great, if we have bad days, they will be over soon... but life is just normal... sometimes I guess I just waste too much energy trying to be happy or even normal LOL and keep dealing with all the things I hate but I must just live.... Does that make sense ??

Also, hun, always remember, things happen for a reason and in the right moment.... So, if you need to find another job... well, that's because that's the best thing you need right now

Hang in there. I leave you so much love and hugs !

Dear Waves,
I hope you are safe and sound at home sleeping.
I wish for you a nice weekend, stress free and full of rest.
I want for you some peacefulness....
love bizi

i hate to post this but the drinking sounds likea real problem. have you discussed it with your pdoc? I am going to hate myself for writing this post.
love
bobby please forgive me