Bobby,
I think that you have a very good idea.
M.

I am sorry hubby is not being helpful....he is not doing his job!
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
bizi

I think bobby is right, HE needs one, not you. Why can't he just accept you need time to grieve and give you your space? *sigh* So sorry you're still having such sleeping cycle problems Mari, big hugs to you.

.~~~stressing about how to get the group to the widow's sister's house several towns away -- maybe 50 mins from me -- more for mins for the others ~~~


My colleague's widow called late this morning and I missed the call. My work friend missed his call too. We are invited to a "dinner party" for our friend.
So now we are behind time. And we have to time-coordinate with an ex-colleague who quit last year but who also dearly loved the colleague who died. Both men. (ARGH)


Men are impossible to deal with. I don't know how they manage in the world.
Because of those two guys, I have no idea when hubby and I are supposed to go to the widow's sister's house --- the time is a very open ended. I need to wait until the work colleague takes care of some things. He is far in the opposite direction from the widow's sister's house



Anyway, my tasks.
1. Let hubby nap. When he wakes up tell him to fix himself some rotisserie chicken I just bought.
2. I bought some cookies from a gourmet bakery to take to the sister's house.
3. A few days ago I printed and enlarged some pictures of the last time we were together last July. At that time, I also bought frames and pretty gift bags with gift cards and names so that the three people (widow, ex-colleague, current colleague) can have their own bag.


My sis says that cookies and framed pictures is enough to bring to the "dinner party."

I explained to current colleague that we have to be there close to the same time for the widow --- not because I am being bossy.

It is polite for her that we get there around the same time -- not wander in through out the day as it if is some kind of open freeking house.
Also it is easier on her if she deals with us together instead of having the same conversation over and over again about her husband's work friends.

i bet this is hard for you - i do hope it all pulls together for the visiting time.


you bought a gift for every person invited? wowwww. i i am glad your sis can guide you in that sense, i am useless for these sorts of things. but i must say, it sounds exquisite. i am sure it will turn out very well. i am sure the widow and all those who cared for him will appreciate how you are doing this.

~ waves ~

good that you bought those ahead of time!
sounds stressful....
bizi

It was a good evening. There were about 14 people. I brought the pictures for the widow and the work folks.
The widow said thank you and put them out for others to see. She was holding up for the night but her 11 year old son seemed devastated.

=-=-=-=-=

I am trying to figure out how to avoid the memorial service on Tuesday. It feels so wrong to grieve at a my work place. I'll break down in anger / rage / sorrow ---- and it won't look pretty.
I might as well be productive and strike out and go on a rampage while I am already strung out.


Life really stinks sometimes.
I still wake up crying every morning 10 days after hearing the news.


M.

Dear Mari.
thank you for sharing. it sounds like a lot of intensity.

my uncle's grandson (my cousin's son) too, was devastated.

yet i know of a family hwere the children were lied to and drawn away from the grief.

i think the children will be alright. but i think it's more natural and certainly healthier at 11 to be told the truth and no holds barred on how you feel.

i am sad for him.


you are a good friend to the family mari. ((()))

always remember be a good enough friend with ourselves.

~ waves ~

dear Mari
i wish it could be ok to grieve at your work place with others who knew who your friend at that place. but if it isn't ok, you don't have to do it. do you think you could inform your [mgmt hierarchy] you are grieved but must decline their invitation to their memorial. in sorrow, m. and do not show even if they try to call you in on it. [- if you aren't expected to work, say you won't be in that day either.]
ten days is a long time to cry. one day you won't cry, Mari.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~