[bizi]

Hey sweetie, been thinking about you.
Wondered how you are doing?
Miss our chats.
((((HUGS))))
love you bizi

[Brokenfriend]

Hey Waves. Are you doing OK? BF

[BlueMajo]

Thinking about you my sunshine !!

[DiMarie]

Welcome to the Wave's Cheering Gallery!

:Hea d-Spin:

[waves]

thank you all so much (((hugs)))

i am having a really, really, really, reallllly hard time.

i nearly walked out of work at 11 am yesterday never to return. xcept my head was not with it and i left everything in there. i absentmindedly went to the bank teller to make a withdrawal and it spat my card out. because i put the only card i had taken with me in there - the badge to get out of the office DUH.

mom persuaded me not to leave immediately and reminded me of my precarious employment situation worsening if i did (true). i persuaded myself to get through the day and then think about it.

i am having lots of lorazepam these days. i HATE that i have to medicate myself just so i can tolerate being bullied. that's just all wrong but there is no societal, legal, or bureaucratic alternative. it's been reported up the chain but the uppers only care about their contracts getting paid, no doubt. so no doubt this man will continue to have a trail of people coming into his office bright-eyed and bushy-tailed only to leave a few months later broken and frail - or at best resentful and angry.

when i related yesterdays incident to my father, he said, gosh, that man would make any normal person nuts, let alone someone with emotional frailties.

doc says i'm not depressed - emotions are appropriate to the deal at work - on the contrary he sees something i dunno what but he more concerns, medwise, about keeping any cycling/hypomania down so i cannot reduce the meds any further for now. psychwise, our spessions are spent with him pulling out feelings about work and reaffirming me. last time he told me about 15 times that it isn't my fault, and another 10 times that i did well to play "hooky" wednesday. (i just couldn't take going in.)

i am so grateful for my parents. i come home crying they give me hugs and feed me. then i usually conk out.

but i did finally see Twilight the other night. just barely missed the very beginning.

~ waves ~

[waves]

Bizi
i miss our chats too... i'm in deep sleep at those times now.... i miss being a night owl too even though the day is very pretty. the night is quiet.

Steve
you called this one from the start - this guy is a bully. but there are no resources for someone in my position. what is scary is how many of them there are.

DiMarie
Love the the Gallery!!!! You are creative.

Majo
i think of you too, and am wishing you well in your struggles with this semester... soon over.

((()))

~ waves ~

[OhKay]

Again Waves, I have to say that I admire your fortitude!!! I'm sure it's a struggle- but you've been up to the challenge. I just worry that this level of stress is wearing you out.

Can you put on your resume "Stuck it out working for this asshole in a hostile work environment for (x amount of time)"???

I'm so glad your parents are being supportive. It's so important to have a soft place to land after tough days.

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

[Dmom3005]

Waves

You are so close to being finished right with this contract? So you
need to continue doing this. I know you can. You are a fantastic
person. And you will have another job right after this one.

Donna

[bizi]

Thank you waves for checking in.
I am so sorry that you are being bullied like this.
It is just not right.
YOu are a strong woman and that is a good thing...other wise you might be in a mental hospital.
I am glad that you have your parents support and that your pdoc is being very supportive as well.
lean on us...
how did you like twilight?
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[waves]

Originally Posted by OhKay

Can you put on your resume "Stuck it out working for this asshole in a hostile work environment for (x amount of time)"???

HAHAHA!!!!! Oh Kay, (npi) you do crack me up sometimes. definitely still have the lips curled upwards on this one! you know i might have to add a whole SECTION to my resume... "Highlights" ... or i can add it under "Skills" heheh....

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

tank you tank you tank you and ((((BIG HUGS))))) backatcha!

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

Waves

You are so close to being finished right with this contract? So you
need to continue doing this. I know you can. You are a fantastic
person. And you will have another job right after this one.

Donna

thank you Donna for your vote of confidence. i am no longer confident. i could not do this if i were not chock fulla drugs, and any more drugs i won't be able to think straight anyway. i worry about skipping any days because my direct contractor would see that and be a put off - pdoc reminded me that if i felt i needed a break that bad, i should take it. if i end up getting questioned on it it will still be better than flipping out.

Originally Posted by bizi

I am so sorry that you are being bullied like this.
It is just not right.
YOu are a strong woman and that is a good thing...other wise you might be in a mental hospital.

it is not the first time ... my last stable job my boss was a textbook narcissist... less direct bullying, more manipulation especially setting ppl/groups against each other, i coordinated the core group ............................ that time I DID end up in a mental hospital, while all the other group leads left soon after as well, but they went to other jobs. I did encounter another bully before and that time ended up on disability.

last week i started thinking i needed to have my med upped again but don't want to in case i gain more weight. i did tell my pdoc my observation aftert he told me he sees me more on the up side than the down side - if that doesn't stay under control i will land in a mixed state most likely. i have already been experiencing the Lure at times (big S... you know) but i acknowledge that it's about getting away from work, and that will happen even if it seems so long to wait. it is a temporary problem and not really about me.

i have tried to post more... i am just so worn out a lot, between dinner and a bit of tv, i sometimes have just enough time to fire up the computer and fall asleep in front of it. i take a heavy sleep med too, i have to.[quote]

how did you like twilight?

i liked it - i want to see the next one... i hope i find out when they air it, maybe tuesday again.... that will be tight because i see pdoc in the evening. i think i have seen too many of vamp miniseries though before it.... buffy, angel, parts of moonlight and recently vampire diaries.... the first shot of Edward Cullen i saw, i was like oh? they already got more episodes of the Vampire Diaries ... then he looked up and i was like noooo that's not stefan! ... ok, what IS this? i knew he was a vamp coz he was just... vampy. they have some digressions on rules for killing vampires don't they. what happened to good ol' stake through heart. hmmmmm in that buffy was simpler... stake 'em and POOF! another vamp bites... the dust.
(((((HUGS)))))) back at Bizi

and (((( for the room ))))

~ waves ~