Chaos

Dmom3005 · 07-25-2011, 06:41 PM

Waves

I am not sure but I'd say your last thread was better, Migraine wise.

Hoping at least. Headaches have hit me lately. Can't exactl say what
kind. Just a mess of that I personally don't want.

Derrick and I both took a nap this afternoon. Problems sleeping last night
I think. Well I know for me.

Not sure what for him, but a little cooler weather here too.

Donna

bizi · 07-25-2011, 11:36 PM

Dear Waves,
I tried to read thru this thread and am caught up ...I think.
It sounds as though you have been stradling that fence for a while now. not good.
I am excited for you that you are getting to go on a vacation of sorts...happy for you and very happy that you will have a week to recover.
I will patiently hear from you when you are up to posting again...think I read that youare taking a break from the computer so I will be patient.
(((((HUGS)))))
and love to you
bizi

waves · 07-26-2011, 07:41 AM

The migraines in the other thread/other job, were all true migraines and probably stress induced. but i think if a migraine responds to meds and you don't have them like every day, they are easier to manage. i can manage the photo/phonophobia with cap and earplugs. i manage the nausea by keeping powdered ginger and having some in a hot drink as needed. even dry if no drink available.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

Headaches have hit me lately. Can't exactl say what kind. Just a mess of that I personally don't want.

Dear Donna, that sort of sounds like me.

do you remember last time (a couple weeks ago?) when i had the migraines and was absent 3 days, i kinda figured out there was a cervical component. tried adding a myorelaxant (tizanidine - that's the generic drug name) helped and the doc agreed when i described the sx and gave me more of it.

i think it's the same this time. the cervical stuff can really really mess you up. i don't know if this can be stress-related or not. proabably. but what i know is with this type of "nasty mixed headache" the NSAIDs have a limited effect, unless i take mind boggling dosages ... risking serious side effects and rebound pain - no thanks. so this morning i took 4mg tizanidine and 2.5mg lorazepam. pain is less but still bad if i move my head.

the trick is to keep still. we just have to live life, KEEPINg STILL. can someone reincarnate me as a plant, like RIGHT NOW?????

Anyway, Donna, i'm wondering if youf migraine pain "migrates" some across your head? does it get the BACK or the very CROWN of your head ever??? neck and/or spine? that happened to me last time...

we are having weather changes and those affect both kinds of headaches..... plus don't forget allergens can play a role for migraine

oh and you are right this spell of headaches has been the worst in a good while...

i hope you feel better soon!

~ waves ~

waves · 07-26-2011, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

Dear Waves,
I tried to read thru this thread and am caught up ...I think.
It sounds as though you have been stradling that fence for a while now. not good.
I am excited for you that you are getting to go on a vacation of sorts...happy for you and very happy that you will have a week to recover.
I will patiently hear from you when you are up to posting again...think I read that youare taking a break from the computer so I will be patient.
(((((HUGS)))))
and love to you
bizi

thank you so much Bizi for reading... it is a long read

i am excited about the trip too... ijust hope i don't have to cancel... that would SUCK.

i wonder what pdoc is going to say... oops... i think i just took too much tizanidine..... i feel groggy. haha with all this junk in me i don't think i'm going to seem too up to him at all.... stumbling drunk perhaps, you know, "oh no Ocifer, i din dirnk nothin"... i hope i can get there. i hope he can give me some advice for the headaches and maybe med tweak or options for tweakin them for the activation in general coz i'm not gonna be on these doozy headache drugs forever.

~ waves ~ i just want to

again now!!!

have to leave in 2.5 hours!

Mari · 07-26-2011, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

~ waves ~ i just want to

again now!!!

have to leave in 2.5 hours!

Dear Waves,

Have a good trip.

Maybe the vacation gods smile upon you so that the components of getting there and coming back work out well, so that you get rest and recovery, so that your mood is in the right place, so that you have fun, so that people are good to you. May you return home ready for the embrace of family and the fellowship friends and colleagues.

M

OhKay · 07-26-2011, 12:24 PM

Waves,

I think I'm probably too late to catch you, but I want to wish you a wonderful, relaxing vacation!!!

I share Mari's hopes that you return refreshed and able to return to work!

waves · 07-26-2011, 03:29 PM

Kay - no no - not too late.

i don't leave for 2 weeks!!! i think Mari's post was just in reference to my worrying about having to CANCEL my vacation if these stupid headaches keep on coming. Or if i miss enough work that my boss/es cancel my vacation for me

anyway thank you, stashing your wishes along with Mari's

Mari - i loved the prayer to the vacation gods lolol

~ waves ~

Mari · 07-30-2011, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

i used to focus, on the way to work, on the feeling of being a rock, or a crystal, or ice if i felt like water... freeze it.... stuff like that. perhaps that is a version of this too.

sometimes when i was in a bad way somehow, i would envision my core as a hard black rock. impenetrable, immovable, unscatheable. solid and stolid, and not least.... decidedly dark. the crystal one was a more positive but not achievable in dark state.

Hi, Waves and Judelauren.
A mantra that works on a loop or with the sense of touch sounds good. I wonder how I would come up with something like that.

I want to comment on hard black rock. I am pretty sure that my tdoc would help someone move off that to something else. In hypnosis, she has asked me to identify a bad feeling / pain, assign a color and shape to it, wrap it up, and toss it/ throw it in a rolling river. I don't think we are supposed to hold on to (maybe nurture?) the idea of darkness inside. "Supposed" to and what we "need" are two different things of course. And tdoc has not suffered from bipolar as far as I know.

I can see how one might start off with the dark core and move off it.
Maybe that is analogous to my listening to head banging rock when I was in horrible mixed states. I needed to find something to match my mood. The music would settle me down. After two songs or up to half an album (old days), I would fall asleep. If I were still awake, I could move to a few levels away to less intense music on a different album.

Perhaps visualizations / mantras and so on, work best when we plan and then practice them while we are in a good state. That might be a little like doing muscle relaxation. The process works when we are in difficulty but it works best when we use it, learn it, practice it routinely so that we can use it as a tool when we are in distress.

. .. . some thoughts anyway.

I think the yellow sun can work in the core. If you went purple maybe you were in touch with the third eye and with your spiritual side.
Black can mean power. Black shows up at funerals because it is protective, This web site mentions what can be black's meaning in the tarot:
http://www.mysticalpedia.com/color/c...lism-black.php

Quote:

and is structured, disciplined and responsible. So, while it can be limiting, it is also a color of protection, power and sophistication.

Quote:

the blackness of our winter is also from where our lives experience rebirth with renewed understanding from the depths of our ku (subconscious). It is that blackness which allows us to go deep inside ourselves and grow.

Tdoc uses white for protection. I'm still getting used to that. I might pick a different color if I were working on my own -- like blue.
M.

waves · 07-30-2011, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari

I don't think we are supposed to hold on to (maybe nurture?) the idea of darkness inside.

i think if we take a dualistic moment here, we all have "light" and "dark" inside. how we use them is a different kettle of fish. for me the black rock was a sort of Darth Vader mode. often used when there was much anger (as with Vader), but it is encapsulated in the rock, inside. it is not exposed. but it is forceful and capable of withstanding almost anything. my last job, for some reason, i was not able to use this... i tried... maybe as you say, Mari... i was unpracticed at it because i had not used such a technique in 7 years.

Quote:

Maybe that is analogous to my listening to head banging rock when I was in horrible mixed states. I needed to find something to match my mood.

Yep. but at work, while programming. audio shield and Vader reinforcer.

Quote:

Perhaps visualizations / mantras and so on, work best when we plan and then practice them while we are in a good state.

yes, John who posted the various CBT tools also stated this.

Quote:

Black can mean power. Black shows up at funerals because it is protective, This web site mentions what can be black's meaning in the tarot:
http://www.mysticalpedia.com/color/c...lism-black.php

interesting.

well, black works for me in that way and more when i'm seriously messed up on the down or mixed/side. a lot of what this was about - using these visualizations, was hiding from ppl what was really going on, being able to control myself "just enough," and being able to do it for 8-10 hours in a very stressful job where i was pulled from all sides phone ringing and is it ready yet. Black Sabbath i always found to be good integrative therapy. Beat the sh** out of those drums and gimme some good low basslines.

On the light side, i like Alex De Grassi and a couple other new age artists.

Quote:

Tdoc uses white for protection. I'm still getting used to that. I might pick a different color if I were working on my own -- like blue.

See, i would definitely pick black even just for protection. Blue is useful for other things. i sometimes wear all dark blue - interestingly - when i don't feel like standing out. Black or blue are ok for that, but blue is more muted....... it is a staple for pure but not disabling or mixed depression, on weak (not week, well that too) days, when i needed to draw as little attention as possible.

i think we each have to pick what feels right... what matches us and when. i don't think one color fits all ....

john1947 · 07-30-2011, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

i can't describe it.

irritable irascible. but also tired and restless. and the latter two SIMULTANEOUSLY.

i get told off/pushed back for being audacious/loud. parents constantly telling me keep it down. at work its a strain not to keep an undercurrent of verbage flowing... all the other noises filter in.... and that's annoying enough though - others' noises annoy me. or should i say annoise me.

couple times forgot to take meds and man. but even when i take them. i feel like ever since the manic spell months ago i have leveled but it's almost like there's this chomping at the bit... either i'm so exhausted i've the wind knocked out of me or i'm too revved in spite of all the crap i take and even the as-needed add-ons.

i need to lower my meds to lose weight. i just ran out of my sleep med abruptly and can't replace it for a few months. from past experience, i am afraid this will have a really activating effect.

i often get depressed in the spring but other than some dips and reactions to work... i didn't even get the major depressive crash i expected after being medicated out of being high. all i had was major fear and depressive sx tied to the work situation... and now i don't feel level but i don't think i'm real manic or depressed.

what is worse i need to lower my meds so i can add a decent dose of gabapentin for migraine prevention again - i have been having far too many and i could lose my job over it (AGAIN). that reminds me i should pick it up today i can start it to help get me through not having the sleep thing.

i hate taking all these drugs. i hate hate hate hate hate hate it.

of course i don't want to end up getting manic, getting really really really up on a high horse and quitting my job because someone or something ****** me off (AGAIN... it would be the THRID time

)

2 more weeks then i have 2 off, but i'm stressing over a trip too... psyched and bewildered and just how am i gonna get it all together.

most of the time i feel both tired and exceedingly restless. my mind won't shut up. i have been doing my work but i don't know how well. i know i had another spell where i spilled a deluge of ideas at my boss who shook his head the way a dog shakes water off after a swim in the sea and said wait wait wait wait. that happened at the other job once - that boss was the mean one and he said he "couldn't do this" and ran with a pen and pad to another room.

i am getting more aggressive and i don't mean assertive. it goes in waves... not constant, and anxiety comes and goes. i feel like i'm in a whirlwind and stuck at the same time.

sorry if this doesn't make any sense or seems to go back and forth. i have suicidal thoughts but not intent. it's just, i want this to stop.

i want a normal, peaceful day where i don't feel like i'm possessed or something.

is that too much to ask????

~ waves ~

Hi Waves,

Im sure you have a past experience of what you are going through now.
Ask yourself has working yourself up done you any good.
I to get worked up and also suffer self torture.But one thing I avoid is using my muscles in anyway when I do get irritated,disappointed,provoked,or just plain unsettled.
If you do this your self torturous symptoms will not gain strength and you will see the benefit.

Intellect must always control emotion.

Best john

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