[mymorgy]

I did the right thing even though i am very sad but feel relieved. A woman came and she was very nice. she is a nurse and works near by. She picked up Luc with his toys and took him to her apartment downtown. Later on she will go to New Jersey where her boyfriend lives and take him to another woman who will foster him for a few days and then send him off for a adoption. I called her a few hours later to see how the little one was doing. she said fine. At first he had a lot of energy and she gave him a bath(He just had a bath two weeks ago) and then she took him for a walk. He is playing.
I took four klonopin so have been a big groggy. It is also raining out now heavily. At least i rescued him from four months of being crated. I feel good about that. The rescue group sounds really good. I forgot if I mentioned they have placed 1700 schnauzers in ten years. Mary tyler Moore adopted a schnauzer from them.
I can't tell if my cats are relieved or what.
bobby

[waves]

dear sweet Bobby

thinking of you

love

waves

[mymorgy]

i found out that Luc might go to a young couple where the woman doesn't work and the husband has a great job and they live right near a park and they have lots of schnauzer experience. I told the woman again how i hope he doesn't have the same rotten experience of being crated the first four months of his life for the couple to go out a lot and crate him some more.
bobby

[Mari]

Dear Bobby,
This is good.
He'll be in a good place with good people.
I'm sorry that the pairing of the two of you did not work out.

M.

[mymorgy]

thanks Mari
my apartment feels sort of empty without Luc but my kitty cats are definitely relieved. they are spending once again a lot of time with me and asking for affection.
i am making plans to start doing more activities outside of my apartment. I pray i follow through since I have so isolated myself and that was one of the reasons I got Luc. There is meditation held half a block away at a church once a week and also exercises for seniors once or twice a week. they are run by the senior center. I am a senior and Luc really drove that home. It turned out that my neighbor was nice to me and told me how sorry she was but agreed it wasn't fair to Luc not to get much exercise but she said he needed at least two or three hours of exercise in the park everyday. She is older than i am and walks at least 12 miles a day. Last year she had an accident and had her hip broken. Can you believe that?
I haven't told Robert yet nor have i told alice. Her husband is going to be operated on for thyroid cancer again on the sixteenth so i want to wait til she is over that hurdle.
I cry here and there and don't know when it is coming. then i feel good because i know he will have a much better life with his new family and he is just so precious he deserves it.
bobby

[waves]

Dear Bobby

my parents are a lot older than i am - and a lot more active. it is hard not to compare... sigh... i keep thinking boy when i get to their age i am going to be decrepit...

it sounds like luc is in good hands... i am glad. i am sorry for your loss, but i think this was a good experience for you - and luc got de-crated! the crying is healthy under these circumstances. remember when you couldn't cry?

and you are still in good paws ... those of your kitties.

i hope you will be able to go to one of the senior activities and that you will find folks you can relate to. maybe others who struggle with illnesses but are young at heart, like you.

love

waves

[mymorgy]

how do you think this was a good experience for me? I am curious. Do you think it is the depression that keeps us from being active? Does your library have dvds? Have you ever thought of getting a yoga dvd or qigong? It wouldn't put stress on your feet.
hopefully i can force myself to stay on this no fat diet and while i have these ups and downs eventually lose more weight.
I am relieved I don't feel guilty about not giving Luc enough exercise. I don't know if it is a symptom of bipolar or not about not wanting to leave ones nest. It feels safe. I am also usually always tired. inertia breeds inertia?
I wonder if that is true. I really miss seeing Luc run around the apartment and playing with his toys. I feel relieved not seeing him teasing the kitty cats and being worried that they were going to scratch his eyes. It is weird but he never went after their tails.
Love
Bobby

[waves]

Dear Bobby

i believe it was a positive experience because it brought you forward and answered some questions even if the answers weren't what you hoped.

- you ran up against some limitations
- you learned that some things won't work - now you can move on to other things that might work
- you stopped torturing yourself over wanting a dog and not daring...
- you made a very responsible, but difficult decision to get a dog and deal with the what ifs
- you made a very responsible, but difficult decision, to rehome Luc

i wish i had your courage! i am glad you feel relieved.

inertia does breed inertia but i think the feeling safe has a lot to do with it. feeling unsafe also produces anxiety. ongoing depression does not help contrast inertia - one breeds the other. i see it as a multifaceted situation, not an either-or. try not to think in terms of just doing one thing at any given time, not the whole situation. the idea of not being able to hole up is probably threatening right now. just take things as they come. invite yourself to go out and think of it as just that one time. we have to force ourselves to be miopic sometimes just not to scare ourselves out of something.

i hope you can stay on the diet and you will surely lose more weight if you do - you have done so well thus far, i am so proud of you.



yoga or exercises would help me but they do not replace running.

i like running/jogging and it burns a lot and fast. it will build up my lung capacity, burn fat, good cardio workout and i only need 20 mins to do that. you can burn the same walking with less impact but it requires more time. the pace also forces me into a very focused state.

i don't feel embarrassed running - at least not enough to stop me, most of the time. i would, on the other hand, feel very awkward doing yoga/floor exercises either at home OR outside. just stretching is hard enough, and i have been trying to do that because of my arm. for running i will have to do specific stretches also (trying not to think about that. !!!) i don't have money to go to gyms take classes etc etc etc etc.

love

waves

[mymorgy]

you are very wise...once again i found your post supportive and comforting.
you are right about the torturing....i guess i do think too much in terms of black and white instead of grays and that prevents me from doing more things. I get overwhelmed and don't do anything.
I worry about your foot. Has it totally healed? It is funny but when I used to go to Central Park, the thinnest people were those who were the fast walkers...they also looked the most neurotic too lol but they definitely were thinner than the runners. You know NAC is great for the lungs.
Love
Bobby

[waves]

hi there

i know about feeling overwhelmed..... sigh....

my foot/feet are ok. the problem was with both but the left was worse because i fell on it twice - once after a couple rounds of therapy... haha start over!

i bet the nervous-looking walkers probably were nervous and probably burned off a lot that way and/or did a lot more walking than just at the park, whereas at least some of the runners probably only did that. running puts me in a mental state that i can't get walking - pls don't suggest speedwalking i couldn't do that i'd feel really awkward.

but what is NAC - the only references i find are N-acetylcysteine (a mucolytic) ... is there also some kind of exercise called that?

love

~ waves ~