yes, it is possible that last time, my "bouts" were worse and more frequent during peak hours and that i did not notice that. i don't remember if i had them at night right now.

still, the effects this time and last time were different. this time i am not having the breathing problems, and the chest pain was constant and continuous without change in severity other than the very gradual over the course of 24 hours. i wondered if the intercostal muscles were tensed up or something, it was more widespread, even up under the collarbone. i even tried massage with incense/arnica (to no avail).

last time the pain was in discrete bouts that lasted several minutes to half an hour, with some recovery ensuing. then ok for a while as long as i didn't "exert" myself in any way. the feelings were of chest tightness toward the center, as though someone were clenching a fist behind the sternum. there may also have been times of mild discomfort i don't recall. but the point is, it came and went, and was accompanied by respiratory distress. a different thing.

still having dreams. i woke up every 2 hours last night. after almost every dream cycle probably. remembered dream each time. but what i am missing is the LUCID dreams = dreaming while aware you are dreaming. you can interact with your subconscious then.

Hear ye, hear ye! You said it.

thanks. it is indeed a relief to find an explanation that makes sense.

This is day 14 total on Zoloft, of which day 7 at 50 mg. it's confusing coz i shifted forward by 12 hours at one point, in order to take it in the morning in stead of at night.

I hope you get some more good sleep Mari!

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Waves,

'Sending lots of hugs as you go through this process.

M

thanks.

dad is now freaking out more about the computer (which was working again and as far as i know has not given other problems YET - it's an intermittent problem).

he has decided it's because the computer monitor is shared with a tv. well i arlready tested this theory last year unplugging everything from the computer and monitor. not only does he not remember. he has now done the same thing. and told me that i never tested it, and when i lived away from here, the computer worked, when i was working, the computer worked - except weekends (hello? i don't watch that tv on weekends), etc etc... i.e... my use of that tv was "breaking the computer."

i blew several gaskets in his face. he's gone out now. perhaps to find some other computer "guru" or perhaps to buy a new monitor. who frickin knows.

he's unplugged everything non-computer - the decoder etc. it wasn't enough taking it off the tv. he unplugged all the cords from the other ends too... duh.

no more vampire diaries/moonlight unless mom lets me watch the repeat on sunday. but i can't use headphones on the main tv.

mostly i am just so upset after all the time i have invested in trying to sort out what could or could not be wrong with that thing, to be told that "it always works when you're not here" (UNTRUE... they called me up several times when i was living in my own apartment with BSODs, spontaneous reboots. etc..... )

now i'm sitting here feeling so angry, and yet remorseful for yelling at my old dad. it's not his fault if he doesn't remember, says a voice. thing is - he's always had this "selective" memory. i don't think it's age. and he won't take my word for it that i did something. that and the blanket theory that my being here = tv in use. it really hurt. so i am hurt, but also really angry. i think part of my blowup was because i was still very upset from the news last night and maybe the zoloft. i don't know any more.

this had me considering seeing if i could go live in a psych community until i am well enough to get a job. it is different than a ward. i will ask about it i think.

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
He appears bound and determined to do something --- ill advised or not.
I'm sorry. I'm hoping he works this out in a way that works for you.
Lots and lots of hugs.

M

that is interesting you thinking about living in a community...did not know that such a thing existed. keep us posted. sorry about your dad, he is getting older right? just going to get worse, in my opinion.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Waves

I think you should give it a really good thought to think, about this community. Please if you need to talk do so. We are here for you.

Let us know how we can help.

We are here.

Donna

I looked up zoloft. Not much was said about chest pain. Please consider getting checked out if you do get improvement. Anytime there is an issue with the chest or breathing, maybe it would be good to at least call your dr. and let him know what is going on. It will give you peace of mind if nothing else. I care about you and hope the symptoms ease up so you can rest better. ginnie

hi everyone the more i think about it the more doubtful i am. yet at the same time it might be for the best if inconvenient.

Donna, this here community cannot get me away from my parents. i'm talking about a long-term psych residence. a halfway house type place for people recovering from a variety of illnesses while trying to get life back together (find job etc).

i would want to go to the one linked to the clinic i stayed at. my pdoc works for the clinic, not the community. but the docs sub for each other and i met a pdoc who works for the community i would request as my pdoc while there. she subbed on rounds once and was very helpful. problem is distance from the city. doing the teaching course while there would be extenuating if not impossible. they reduced the bus lines that reach that clinic. i will see if my pdoc knows of communities in/near the city (ugh) to facilitate the class. they all are state or state-conventioned centers. there may only be a handful. there is one near me but further from the city. i'd also be more subject to parental visits.

my dad will do whatever he does with his stupid tv and his stupid computer. i will miss the tv while he has it unplugged because then mum and i can't watch diffferent programs.

i am very angry right now, and still shook up from the news last night. i spent most of yesterday evening in a derealization episode. today the fight with my dad precipitated another one.

i told him if after all the time i invested in it between hardware and software and experiments, even when i was not feeling good if he is now blaming me for stuff, doesn't trust my assertions, on top of ignoring my advice, then quit buggin me every time the computer has a crisis. he says "i...??? bug??? you???" tshhh!

thank you for letting me vent.

i am wondering if the zoloft is making me aggressive or if these events are. i don't know. i know my sleep is messed up now coz i took lorazepam today and slept from 4 till 11. i didn't eat dinner with them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow. i will be a wreck.


~ waves ~

Dear Waves,

Let pdoc help your figure out your plan. I can see some benefit to a change of surroundings and people.

How long is the expected stay? Did it work out for you last time?
I think you are in a bad way right now if you are considering it . . . so I think you should keep considering . . . take your idea seriously.

You know the Zoloft titration path well. You would know if the Zoloft is ramping you up at this dose.

Do what is good for you.

M

Waves,

Vent. Can I add my vent too? ARGH!!!
He's reeaally annoying. Beyond the fact that he's not trusting you, he is disturbing your peace and little comfort that you have.

'So sorry.
M