Just wanted to send Hugs.

Waves, We are here for you.
(((((((HUGS)))))
bizi
love you and miss you

thank you all again, for the hugs, bumps, ideas, more hugs, love, and kind thoughts. i am sorry i have not replied. i am having crisis after crisis. and am copping out tonight with this blanket post here... sigh... ....

thanks for all the love and support sending love back to each of you.

i will say that the thought about the community (assisted living w/ therapy) seems to be putting pressure on me and same with the material we are doing in therapy. again though, i gotta get out of this place. this being the pit. just not sure if moving out into a double room will get me more privacy than i can get here. there are many privileges living at home. i just don't know.

the therapy, i think is important that we continue working on the current issues. but they may have made things temporarily worse. i am having a lot of anxiety attacks as well as depression and i don't know if it's all due to my folks or maybe internal or both.

tonight i had one so bad 2.5 mg lorazepam did not cover it. i wanted another 2.5 instead i took my night meds early since they include 2 mg of another anxiolytic of similar potency. i have been using the lorazepam much more than usual and do not keep track at all . not good thing. .

~ waves ~

Sending you hugs Waves.

I hope you find some answers in this journey of yours.

Donna

Dear waves, thank you for stopping in and checking in.
I am very sorry that you are having crisis after crisis.
I wish there would be some leveling out for you.
Wish you felt better.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
wishing you some peace.....

Dear Waves,

You posted the above on Oct 14. I'm hoping your Zoloft plan helps soon.

I'm hoping that this current therapy gets you to the other side of depression. Good luck dealong with any decision making you might have coming up.
We are pulling for you.

I'm sending you an orange fish for the color of creativity and determination.
. . . also . . .
The golden fish in Buddhism represents this:
http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/...y/b8symbol.htm
M

Thanks Donna and Bizi for your kind and thoughtful wishes and hugs.

current hunch i am not going to go to the rehab community. just... even getting the ball rolling would be such a hassle i can't see getting through the steps. irony of it is that, if i could get through those steps, i'd be doing pretty well... and would not need to even consider it.

pdoc session last night, i told him there are a couple of aspects of DBT i want to learn that fit directly with the issues i am dealing with. i mentioned a couple of specific skills and said i need them, how to i learn them. DBT teaches them but i can't afford the private DBT program. i also told him everything i've read on DBT says it can't be done just by reading a book on it... a therapist is necessary, not optional.

so then i asked if he could help me acquire the skills i need, whether via the "DBT" method or otherwise - the result is what counts.

he told me, he wasn't sure - he would have to look into some things.

well that is the first time he has given me an answer like that. ha! he gave himself homework for me!

(well, i best not get too hopeful until i see IF he actually comes back with something concrete.)

hmmmm.........



~ waves ~

wow waves, I hope he pulls thru for you.
bizi

I hope you can have some peace today and that you feel more in control.I wish your parents better understood....they are getting older....sigh

(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Mari

i loved the pretty orange fish you posted for me! thank you for finding that! and that is some feisty meaning. i could use some feist. (i enjoyed the buddhist iconography page too.) pdoc and i have been talking about situations (all too many) when i end up feeling like a mollusc. unfortunately depression predisposes to that. and anxiety too. well there is a lot mixed up in it. anyway. i so loved that little fish. beautiful.

I think the Zoloft MIGHT be helping a little. i have been more active but still housebound. i still have terrible problems with every little thing. i have been cooking a fair bit. sometimes actual meals or complex things. sometimes just very simple things like a batch of basmati for mom and i to snack from. i still have a long way to go. i am fearful of going up on the Zoloft. i have bouts of aggressivity which are probably a product of surroundings and mood - pdoc does not feel it is the Zoloft.

but i don't think i want to risk upping the ante on it with more Zoloft. it's basically when i really really need peace and cannot get it, after a while, i blow a gasket. it's more general exasperation and not really directed. however if someone contributes to the "bad situation" or tries to interact with me at such a time, they are liable to get snapped at. and then i feel bad and cry and feel like an evil monster.

~ waves ~ in good company of this lovely orange fish