Hi... just a bit of general goings on from my microcosm here

i have not found an explicit enough way to let my parents know when i cannot engage. especially my mother. eg: i say: "i do not want to speak or be spoken to," and 5 mins later mom "needs" to know something and says... "just this one thing then i'll leave you alone" ... and this is in the BEST of scenarios. it seems to be thing with her. this used to happen when i was growing up and had my own room, and would close the door with a sign saying please keep out along with issuing a spoken request. she'd INVARIABLY knock on the door with "just this one thing" ... worse than Lt. Columbo, dang it!

Suggestions on how i can handle momma Columbo? General statements do not work... even specific ones don't... sigh. ignoring her hasn't worked either btw. so now what??? any ideas?

so far the only effective thing is when it gets so bad i snap OR go into a meltdown and she then goes to sulk in their room ... renouncing anything she might have planned to watch on tv, etc. then i feel like a total ***** for chasing her out of the main living areas.

i would like a peaceful way to block interaction for a time.

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i had to fill out a form the other day. took a lorazepam preventively because i was winding up but i never got through it. i started.... i entered 2 things. both of them wrong. the very first was my birthday. i thought about it carefully, about which order i was supposed to put the day/month in. filled it in and still screwed it up. my head is not with it.

it was one of those write inside the boxes form, don't erase etc etc. my mother ended up doing the rest of the form with me present. heck.

so i know my head is not all there, at least, not all the time. sometimes my concentration is good. other times it is like what concentration, who me?

but i tell ya. when i took lorazepam twice one day (2.5 mg am and 2.5 mg pm) the next day i felt so much better (calmer), even just on waking. i won't take it regularly like that, but i am going to be a bit more free rein with it for the moment. whatever works. pdoc said it would be fine for a while.



~ waves ~

p.s. i posted separately for different things, so there are 2 other new posts on the previous page

Dear Waves,

You are making progress with pdoc.

This is good news. Maybe the two of you can make even more progress. He can do the DBT I think. He already has an idea of what it is. Next, he will have to put himself in the role you need.

People who are not suffering have no idea how much work it takes for us to be alive. Those kind of intrusions mess can mess us up. I wish you could put up a flag life the life guards do:

http://www.mydelraybeach.com/Delray/...Conditions.htm
Flag Meanings:
Thus, Green means please leave me a lone.
Yellow means excercise care and caution when you talk to me. If you have an emergency I will talk to you, but I won't like it.
Red means no. Really, no.
Double Red means no about talking to me . .. . And no words in the language can express how much I really really need no one interfering with my efforts to stay alive
I don't know what purple means. Maybe we fly purple with the the other flags as a way to make a point.

I welcome any suggestions to improve my swim/ do not swim in the ocean warnings.


If this is nutty, I apologize. Trade places with her. Ask for a certain amount of time. No one is to knock. I remember when you cared for her. She was in her room and she was undisturbed. Maybe remind her of that.

Or, let her know that you will talk to her at a certain time (5:00 say) and ask that she not talk to you before or after that. She can write down what she needs to say and tell you then. I know that I interupt people because I am afraid I am going to forget to tell them. I think she is connecting with you. That is normally a good thing. Do you you think she has some anxiety or is she basically a little bit more high strung than you would prefer?

Back to my flag idea. Can you set up some visuals? A little barrier? A light on or a light off. How about wearing clothes that serve as a visual to her that you are sick. Or wear your hair a certain way. She is not hearing what you say. She might be able to see reminders.

When my hubby violates my no talking time, I do not answer him. I tell him I will talk to him at such and such a time. I repeat that. I do not respond to him. Sometimes I use hand gestures to wave him off.
(Acutally, this is usually because he is being hyper in an abonoxious way and I have to tell him I can't talk to him when he is like that and will talk to him later. Tdoc tells me that he is probably panicking when I refuse. Still, I have found some ways not to engage him . . . . probably I did not explain them well but it is late and I might get to bed at a reasonalbe time.

Take whatever meds work.
I experiemented with the time for my bezos today and things did not work out well. Maybe I can experiement again another day.

Take care.

M

Dear Mari

good suggestions. don't know if it would fly (no pun intended) but the lifeguard/beach conditions flags sure made me laugh. i'd consider using that as is - with the actual marine meanings posted - very erhhm, persuasive if you ask me.... especially "predatory fish present" ... yeah! JAWWWWS!!! aAAARRRRRRM! nom nom nom. and purple for sea pests... hehe that too!

changes on myself would be hard - i wear the same thing day in day out, no choices involved see... hair is not styled - just kept out of my way... my person would not be a useful vehicle sign embodiment. (too much effort.)

my mom and dad share a room and dad is usually in it. i can't evict both of them from it to do the test you suggest. in any event, i have historical data...

in childhood, and in later adulthood when i lived with them briefly or vacationed with them, we had a home where i had my own room. even then, she didn't respect my requests for "time alone. no interruptions." i would shut and lock the door and tried a variety of "go away" type signs. she always came up with something that required my immediate input, or some other irrevocable and undeferrable (to her) excuse to knock on my door with "Columbo interruptions" it was irritating then... this is... a lot worse. because she doesn't have the physical barrier.

i might just simplify the guard thing down to setting up a "predatory fish present" sign when i am bad off. i don't know if it will work. but it's worth a try. thanks for that. i really did get a good chuckle thinking of them reading those flag meanings in terms of me though... thanks for that. needed it.

i think also suggest to her if she has a question for me to write it down so she doesn't forget. i think the best thing will be to put these in an agreed upon place where i can get it later and solicit additional info if need be. kind of like an inbox.

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i am having unexpected chest pain again this afternoon and don't know why. my parents were fighting, i was in crossfire earlier, so it was possible anxiety. to test that theory/rule it out - i took 5.0 mg lorazepam. ended up napping part of the afternoon, and i feel relaxed now, but the pain is not gone completely. it has been about 4 hours.

this time there were other factors that suggest i should probably request a cardio exam. i want pdoc to write me a note if he can. i feel silly facing mr. crystal ball doctor since i already asked him. he thinks it is in my head, it seems. so i figure if my head doctor requests it...



~ waves ~ who can't face all these doctor things

Dear Waves I fight anxiety pain in my chest very often. The pain travels from the middle of my chest,and up to the left,and to my back,and under my arm. The anxiety pain is not in your head,or cardiac related probably. It's probably not your heart.

Breath out from your stomach,and exhale. I also make myself yawn,and that helps some.

One time I thought I was having a heart attack,but it was anxiety. My doctor gave me a high dose of Valium,or Xanax. I got that way from stopping taking my medication over a period of time.

I use to have anxiety in the back of my neck,but now it's that anxiety pain in my chest. It usually is a daily problem now. I take the medicine,breath by pushing out my stomach,and yawn. Sometimes I'll yawn 20,to 50 times. I'm also praying about it. I don't know what else to do. BF

Dear Waves,

I was think perhaps of how when some poeple in sit coms on tv come down with a wicked cold, they bring out the ratty bathrobe and the huge fuzzy slippers. That is a visual to the other people in the house (and even the pets) that something is off.

Your talk about the pests and danger in the water cracked me up. I had not figured out what do do with the purple flag. Red is a powerful color but so is purple. I am going to find something purple . . . .

I'm concerned about her lack of bounderies. Feeling safe in boundaries and movign about in the adult world with clear bounderies is imporatnat. That stinks. Probably most of us had that in our homes, . . . . . we have to learn boundaries later.

If nothing else, your mdoc gives us some laughs. I hope he takes you seriously about this.

Mari

Dear Steve,

i am sorry. i appreciate that. but i do not get pain with anxiety these days. i haven't in years.

my pdoc told me if i had any sort of ambiguous spell, like pain, or breathlessness, to just go ahead and take some lorazepam. he said if it is anxiety, the problem will go away. if it doesn't work, the problem is not anxiety but i won't hurt myself. he said this is a way to know if the problem is anxiety or not.

according to his test: Since the anxiolytic failed, the problem is not anxiety. (it may not be heart, but it's not anxiety.)

i have another benzo for daily use and have not missed any doses. i do not habitually take lorazepam - it is for use as needed. 2.5 mg is usually sufficient for an anxiety attack.

i took twice that for good measure - 5.0 mg lorazepam (that's equivalent to 2.5 mg Xanax, fyi). It did nothing for the pain.

all it did was put me to sleep eventually. after sleeping i still had residual pain ... even though i was calm as could be and even felt sort of "tipsy" the rest of the day. that was plenty drug, and it didn't work.

i also did belly breathing exercises before falling asleep - these had no effect on the pain either.

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the pain started central and slightly left of the sternum. i cannot tell if it was "heart level" or not. then it began to radiate from there up my neck (left) and also down my left arm.

this is different to what i've had before, ramping up the Zoloft and different to anxiety pain i've had in the past (years ago) which never radiated anywhere.

there are other factors i am not willing to post publicly.

thanks for trying to reassure me, all the same.



~ waves ~

I'm so sorry that you have the pain. It sounds like you may need to have it checked out. I hope that it isn't anything serious. BF

dear waves, these are cardiac symptoms and yes have your pdoc write a referral to substantiate your concerns.
please do this.
be brave.
bizi

Hope you are doing OK., I am thinking about you and of course bizi. I need to go in too to the dr. I am going to have another endoscopy and then the other parts too will need to be looked at. Be brave and I will too. ginnie

i have been on 50 mg zoloft steady now for a few months. it seemed to help but then the holidays the and the political crud happening ... major anxiety as well as depression full force.

my pdoc upped my zoloft to 75 mg for 10 days... then if i am ok (no bad stuff), i am to go up to 100 mg. we hope it will help with the anxiety too. i have temporarily upped my benzo with his blessing. he said we will not decrease that back down unless/until the zoloft gives positive results.

~ waves ~