Originally Posted by BlueCarGal

I really wanted my teaching/theatre careers. It was an ego thing. I made both happen, just kept knocking at doors & using contacts till I got what I wanted. I was good--people said I was brilliant. They paid me as if i were. Then it all unravelled.

I went thru who-knows-how-many jobs. Then many years with computers. Successfully, but not what I wanted. After my mom died, Florida & writing. Again successfully. Finally I began to realize that writing was what I was supposed to be doing all this time. I get little self-satisfaction out of this compared with theatre, but I dont worry & there's little stress. Here is where my true talent lies.

The odd thing about my alcoholic impulse is that it's been very quiet since I was first put on a mood stabilizer. Not one time have I thought of getting a bottle. I guess it's a chemical thing.

I'm glad you've continued this thread. Over 50,000 viewings! Lots of sadness out there & in here both I guess.




(my emphasis --BCG)

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Bobby,

I don't know much about PS100. I will look into it.
The brain fog situation could probably lessoned if I slept.

That your lawyer had a breath and depth of experience helped him help you. It is hard when an outsider looks about your back background and sheds light on what you already know you are dealing with like the work history.


M

Originally Posted by mymorgy

a major way of living with bipolar is eliminating stress and worry and it sounds like that is the way your life finally evolved with wonderful memories that contained a lot of stress and worry and rewards. you must be thrilled that you no longer have the need to numb yourself through liquor. you always sound so alive. do you give yourself credit for your victory? I think there is a lot of sadness out there and it is hard to fight it
bobby

Originally Posted by BlueCarGal

I do credit myself for going to & staying with AA. It was my only way. It was the program, my sponsors, friends, parents--my producer friend who still is a friend--these & god I thank for making it. That was the fate I had waiting from my first step/jump in the pool. My philosophy again.

Yes, Bobby, lots of sadness. "Men die, and they are not happy." Our two destinies, according to my favorite existentialist Albert Camus.

I hope your sadness & depression is beginning to lift a little.

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Bobby,
YEs, it would be nice to know what happened in that courtroom.
I've been late to work two or three times in the past two weeks. I missed my first class today.
I went to bed early-ish for me, woke up early, and went back to sleep. I didn't hear the alarm clock.
I need to find a loud clock and put it across the room so I have to get out of bed to turn it off. Maybe that would work.

It's cloudy and rainy out.
I hope that your day goes well.

M

Originally Posted by mymorgy

My sadness is lifting a little although i am still worried big time about my teeth and money issues. the woman at the senior center finally mentioned that i wasn't contributing the two dollars for lunch. I told her i though it was voluntary and she said it was ....
another lady overheard the conversation and patted me on the back and said don't feel that way and she doesn't pay sometimes too. I felt relief.
it was out in the open.
bobby

Originally Posted by BlueCarGal

Even a little less sadness can be wonderful, but I'm sorry the money & dental worries continue. These things just nibble and nibble and nibble ... like pebbles pulling away from under our feet, making our way that much harder.

I'm so glad the lunch pay/contribute issue surfaced & you felt support from a community member. That's terrific, Bobby!