Some of you may recall i had an odd episode with chest pain over a week ago.

I have an appointment for an EKG and a cardiologist visit tomorrow, to rule out heart problems.

i am scared... not of being sick... of being yelled at.

i don't think i should take lorazepam for the EKG it might change things.

Last year, when i had chest pain w/breathlessness, my mdoc sniffed at my suggestion of heart issues, and sniffed harder when i asked if i should go to ER. i was having ongoing pain, coming and going that time.

This time I was going to have pdoc write me a note but since our recent appts were cancelled i just told him on the phone. He said heart issues had to be ruled out and sent me to mdoc, saying to have mdoc call him if he were a stick in the mud...

Ok....went to mdoc. Said i'd talked to pdoc. Well! This time he told me squarely that i should have gone to ER immediately for an EKG and a blood draw. i guess as well as a crystal ball the guy has multiple personalities.

alas, i was too busy falling asleep from the "lorazepam test" to go to ER... and with my mdoc dissing me the first time, and my pdoc talking telling me to try lorazepam... i wasn't really into showing up at ER unless i was like doubled over in pain or something. . (i was afraid to get yelled at.)

i am still afraid the cardio will yell at me or treat me as the panicky mental case or whatever. or on the flip side, get mad because i didn't dash off to ER. or someting, anything! whatever! and either being ok or not could provide an "excuse for abuse" ... either way... i could get yelled at!!!

so that's where i'm at.

my mom is going to meet me in the city and go with me to the office. she is not the most calming presence as she is highstrung, but at least i won't get lost on the way there.



~ waves ~