[waves]

i have been feeling melancholy.

something started it though. it isn't "depression" as such. i sent an email to an old friend. the person replied and... i got an odd feeling from it. maybe i can talk about it later.

since then, this feeling has been brewing. the stress test, with illness and migraines before and following, distracted me for a bit. but now i feel melancholy, forlorn and forgotten, and yes even lonely sometimes. i don't even feel like reaching out much.

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Dear Waves,

I am sorry. Can you go do something different? . . . perhaps either where it is quiet or where there are people. That does not solve the problem, but it could help temporarily.


M

[mymorgy]

do you know why you emailed the friend and what you were expecting? did it trigger old emotions? you have been under so much stress and haven't been feeling well on top of it. I am so sorry. you have so many close friends here that care about you. I know the feelings and i hope they pass soon.
love
bobby

[waves]

(((Mari and Bobby))) thank you both for being here.

Dear Mari

i soooooo don't want to go out, anywhere. i had sort of planned to go out in the snow. a few days ago, they predicted 3 days of snow starting yesterday. it didn't snow. they changed it to 1 day of rain. it barely drizzled. then overnight it snowed. i was all thinking about a nice crunchy walk outside in the glistening white. by morning it was half melted. after lunch it was fully melted leaving only puddles n mud. no crunch no glisten and no white. no soft white piles to poke at, or bristling branches to admire. just wet and cold. talk about doubly uninspired.

~ waves ~

[waves]

Dear Bobby

i wrote because a couple years back we had corresponded for a while. i had got some pretty long emails... and replied, and then nothing. sent some other short things later, including a birthday note one year. nothing. i know my mail can bounce sometimes without notice but unlikely they all did. i wondered if i was being "dropped" and basically asked if i were still considered a friend... and said i was sad if not... or something.

the reply was overall "cool" in tone, in character with the person. they expressed surprise at my wonderings, saying that i was not specifically being ignored "or anything" and that they just aren't much into talking by email (but, you would not have guessed that from length and detail of the earlier mails! ). so i am at a loss.

oh, one more thing. i was invited to write, and share about my own life. that is positive, and it is not the first time either. i am at a loss about that since i feel like my life is that of a total bum/loser. moreover, i don't feel like pouring out my sorrows or whatever, if this person is not going write me back for 3-4 years. that's not... "correspondence."

so i feel ambivalent... partly reassured and encouraged, but also partly set aside.

i have not written back yet. i am not sure what to write. i might just write that i am not sure what to write / how much.

i have already "sat on this" for almost a month.

~ waves ~

[mymorgy]

i would be upset too because there doesn't sound as if there was any warmth in the correspondence. maybe your friend has gone through changes. i wouldn't expose myself because it doesn't sound as if your friend doesn't have anything to give on the emotional front. it sounds as if you were looking for an emotional connection. maybe if you wrote them and asked what was going on with their life and say you missed corresponding with them or something like that and didn't reveal what was happening in your life.
maybe they would open up and there would be an emotional connection.
it isn't fun being bipolar and so much of the time it is quite painful. i know i disconnect because i don't have anything positive to say at the moment.
love
bobby

[bizi]

Just wanted you to know that I am here, reading sending good thoughts and a hug...you are not alone here, we need you very much. We love you just the way you are.
(((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

[ginnie]

I just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. I wish there was an easy way to talk to someone who puts you at a distance. I am sure no expert, but maybe tell her your miss that talk, the truth about how you feel. I know that exposes you, and your heart. The worst that could happen is that she may not choose to talk anyway. Maybe it would open the door, I don't know. Often when I find myself in a place of confusion on what to say, I tell the truth about my feelings. I did this just recently, and I was rejected, the woman who I was talking to, cut off all communicaton, and I was devastated. I can at least say, I did all I could, said all I could with honesty and compassion. I gave my best. It is just a thought Waves. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers always. ginnie

[Dmom3005]

Waves

No real clue how to answer. I do now that I had a really good friend
in email and forums, through EFA at one point.

Then one day she just decided she didn't like to talk to me anymore.
But wont still tell me why. She still talks to many of my friends,
and she still comes around in a group we both belong to. But she has
a hard time talking to me.

Its really hard, but I have learned to adjust to her need to leave me
out of her life.

Donna

[Dmom3005]

Waves

Sorry my last one didn't really answer yours, its just there is no
answers I don't think. We all have to go through this at times.

I hope you come to a closure.

Donna