Dear Waves,

Yes. I understood the earlier post and you are making perfect sense tonight in your posts.

I blocked her because I choose ahead of time not to talk about hubby, my father, and work buddy. I spend time and energy dealing with those three men both outside and inside of our sessions and I am bored. They were particularly annoying to me as topics that day. I had nothing else to talk about but I sure did not feel like talking about them.

My other long time tdoc showed up late almost every time (it was a major issue for him that he worked on constantly with his CBT skills). I was ok with that most of the time. Occasionally he would fall asleep maybe because he had slept little, the room was warm, or whatever. When he drifted off I would get louder to wake him up.

He was brilliant and very good. He moved off CBT stuff after a year or two when I told him I needed him to expand his tool box and told him what was wrong with using CBT for every situation. He adjusted to me. We were very good togehter. I hated to let him go after 8 years but it was time.

Current tdoc gets me. She really "gets" me. In the beginning when we did not even know each other very well, I felt that she was close to being psychic. . . . so because I do not have to explain things to her, we save time. We almost have a short hand now and can skip over small things and get to important stuff.

She focuses a lot on what I can do to make thinks easier for myself. She tries to get me to see when I have done something right for myself and not let me make light of it.

We never do small talk. In the first or second session, we established that I did not want to ever talk about her, her day, . . . I do not know what she does with her other patients, but I needed (and still need) not to have to think about her as a person in my life.

This is why the session felt "strange" to me: I was surprised when she mentioned what ever she called my physical agitation. I often move around when I am with other people, but apparently not with her. Maybe she usually sees me when I am barely awake, plenty agitated, but not in motion like I was this last time when I was rested (awake) and as agitated (or more?) as usual.

I ran out of sense. It is late. I will be back tomorrow.

M