i thought i would start a new thread since the old one sad cont got too long.
i also thought i would mention my continual lack of energy. I was wondering if it could be the result of my constant feeling anxious. klonopin doesn't seem to touch it. a few days ago i definitely decided i wanted to live. it might have something to do with Mark's death. I am not sure. Herb is back. the guy at the senior center who left to start work which he said turned out to be a scam.
He said he wakes up every morning and thanks
God for being alive. He is the one who had cancer removed from both lungs and had four heart surgeries. His wife died of cancer two years ago. He mourned for a year. He is 79..I think he is a positive influence on me. I am still exhausted.
bobby
I am still walking in the morning five days a week

Bobby

These are all positive things. Other than of course the lack of energy.

For me the lack of energy is helped when I make sure I take my iron.
I think you are doing a good job walking in the morning. Please continue
going and meeting up with your friends at the center. I think this
is part of your day.

I also love the fact you want to live. I hope that makes sense.

Donna

Bobby,

I am sorry about Mark.
Herb is good to be around it seems.
I applaud your walking!

M

thank you donna
i am still very depressed but i do want to live. the depression is also contributing to my lack of energy. the lack of energy is contributing to my depression. yesterday i didn't almost have a seat at the table but velda, the organizer there, saved a seat for me when only one was left. that made me feel good.
thank you again
bobby

thank you mari
herb again is talking about finding a job. oh well. i am all ready for the walk today. it is already in the eighties. eeks. i am glad i am doing it. i wish this depression would go away.
bobby

I am glad that you want to live bobby, this is a huge feeling. Proud of you for walking.
good job!
bizi

Bobby dear

that is marvellous that you want to live
and i'm so proud of you for the walking 5... five ... omg FIVE days a week!!!
that was sweet of Velda to save you a seat that day. How affirming... hope it reinforced your sense of belonging to the group there.

my pdoc says anxiety and fatigue often go together i have experienced them. the anxiolytic i always take i am used to and doesnt touch extra anxiety. if i take extra then it is sedating so it increases the fatigue devil and deep blue sea.

belly breathing is good for relaxation.

you can also just do awareness exercises that consist of focusing on your breathing. you don't have to breathe any special way, only pay attention to your breathing. feel the breath flow in and out in and out. when you get distracted observe the distraction and come back to observing the breath.

love you lots. sorry i am not posting much i try to get here every so often.

i am trying to wrap myself back around life and am just so tired of finding myself sort of dangling from a loose branch over and over...

love

waves who is now going to bed (7 am)

your dangling from a tree limb is very disquieting. years ago i did an active imagination exercise where i imagined i was rooted into the soil and felt solid and the arms reached into the sun. it was a great exercise. don't know why i stopped. forgot who was the author of the exercise and other exercise. I will try focussing on my breathing. yesterday i had four klonopin..double which i am supposed to take. i filled an extended tax forms and i have been obsessing over the taxes among other things. i don't owe any money. i lost a great deal of money when i was manic and played the stock manic and am carrying over the loss...what a remainder. cecilia suggested a tax person whom i called yesterday. i made an appointment but i think he wanted around three hundred dollars-too much-so i stayed up and finished them. i think i figured out what was giving me trouble. i stayed up really late. then at six this morning a friend called and said she cancelled a dental appt. now i am exhausted. I hadn't been that active mentally in a long time while i was solving the problem of taxes. the time flew by and i felt alive. I didn't have brain fog. of course i was really wound up during and after. abby just climbed into my lap.
i think i am going to miss my walk. i called cecilia and left a message saying i cancelled the appt. and was it too late to go dog walking.
Velda did make me feel good. yesterday i got on the scale and it was awful. i had a lot of sodium and watermelon the day before. yesterday at the senior center they had ice cream whichi turned down, pastry which i turned down, bagels which i turned down and two rounds of sandwiches which i turned down. i skipped supper. the scale was three pounds lighter this morning. no more carbohydrates. i was so scared.
love
bobby

good for you for doing the taxes paper work, am glad that you did not have brain fog and could focus and get that done...good for you!
bizi

Bobby

I am so proud of you for doing the tax paperwork.

I am going to tell you I have a friend who had h & r block do their's and
they messed their's up so bad back in probably March that they are still
waiting on their tax return. The tax people are still trying to straighten
out the mess of the taxes the person made.

So I am so glad that you did your own, and wont have that nightmare
to worry about if it were to happen.

Now for all the turning down of the food. Wow is all I can say.

Donna