Yesterday I called APS, I explained everything. Since she is a harm to herself and treating me mentally abusive. Somebody from the State is coming next week, either Mon or Tues. they can't tell me when, because it has to be a surprize, I guess so people wouldn't be prepared. Which is fine with me.

I think this is it, once they take over, I am out of the loop. I am not sure how they handle this, but I need help, so this is the only way I know how to deal with this.

Last night, she called me a Liar because she says the things I tell her that she says when she has been drinking are all lies, Thief (because her cracker's were missing from her bedside table)!!!!! She said she was always pretty, and I am a Puke and I think I am just something. She said she wished my sister was alive (she died at birth a few days later) and I was dead. She said I got cancer (had to have a hysterectomy at 35)because I screwed around and is mad that she doesn't have grandchildren and it is my fault.
She even called me a hooker!!! OMG

She said she didn't know Mike was here, that is not true, she knew.

I think this is the worst it has ever been, I know it is.

She doesn't know APS is coming. She said she is staying in this house and going to die here. Then she said she is going to start driving and getting out of the house. OMG she isn't supposed to be driving.

So, for now, I walk on egg shells until next week.

I am really upset and hurt to say the least. Oh, and she said she wants NOBODY in this house.

Well, all I can say is I cannot wait for next week. Until then, I deal with her.

Hugs and Hope, NIkko

I can't wait for next week as well, keeping fingers and toes crossed.
You know there is the charge of assault if she starts threatening you, the police can be called.
I wish things were different, you are making this going to work for you.
I am happy that you have made these steps.
any chance you could stay with your sweetie over night?
jsut for some comfort....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Hang in there Nikko, it will get worse before it gets better I'm afraid but you did the right thing. You can't deal with her anymore and she is treating you like dirt. It's wrong and instead of being ashamed she just gets herself on a roll (from what it sounds like to me from your posts) and is displacing her own self image onto you. What she said about wishing you had died and your sister had lived was just uncalled for. You deserve better then this. I would definitely let the state intervene and take over, to heck with what she wants, she's not in her right mind if she's talking about driving, she could kill someone or herself if she's driving. I would definitely hide the keys, and try to turn a deaf ear to the mean stuff she keeps saying.

You don't deserve to be abused emotionally like this. I agree with bizi, if it degenerates into an assault do NOT just let it go by, I would call the police and see what they can do, tell them about the situation and pray that they will act and DO something. She sounds like she is suffering dementia (spelt wrong I bet) and needs institutionalized ASAP. You WILL get through this Nikko, hang in there...We're here for you in the meantime...

I so agree with Pamster and Bizi. and I am so angry..I AM SO PROUD OF YOU...YOU ARE WALKING NOW IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. it is so hard to restore ones self image after so much abuse. You know you are loved here by many people who are good people. We so care about you. I don't know what your early childhood was like and if you mother was loving then or she was still sadistic.
You said your father had a drinking problem and I don't know when that started. Try to start remembering of the people who really appreciate you now and then and start from there. I think being bipolar makes us prone to view the negative because physiologically we have so many emotions running rampant and a lot are negative. Then we ascribe those negative emotions towards ourselves. Start looking in the mirror and start telling yourself what a loving person you are and how brave you are with what life has been shelling out to you. If you want to feel initially sorry for yourself that is fine but please focus how brave you are and how you did everything in your power to try to make things right. Maybe you are an imperfect perfectionist too and are now forced into taking another direction towards loving yourself, nurturing yourself and putting yourself first without feeling selfish.
You can't fight sadistic people, especially if your heart is gentle but I do hope you feel some rage...There is no excuse for your mother's behavior...none whatsoever. She never deserved you as a daughter. Deep down she might feel like a real rat..or worse..I would put money down on worse. She has dug such a hole maybe she can never acknowledge what you truly deserve..unconditional love and thensome.
Bobby

Hallallujah Is all I have to say. I'm so proud of you.

And I am so ready to help you in any way I can this weekend to
get through this. You can do this. Just be very careful about
anything she wants to do. And when it comes to hiding the keys
if the car is in her name, just kind of see that they are missing.

From something a friend of mine told me, just don't admit to having
taken them for her good. She could have you arrested.

Donna

Hi and thanks to all. She won't try to drive, she cannot even get to the car without my help. I do have all the keys. As far as her abusing me physically, she is not capable of that, only verbally/mentally.

Today she pee peed the bed, so more laundry. Then she pooped herself all over. I had to get her in the tub, it was real bad. She is all cleaned up real good and has a diaper on, plus I have this thing under her sheet from the hospital for accidents, not that it works real well,but it helps. Gave her some Pepto Bismol. Her bed is clean, I tried my best to get the carpets clean, that I just had professionally done.

She blamed her pooping on corn she had. No, it's because of drinking and not wanting to eat. She is being real nice to be now. But that doesn't change a thing about next week.

We spoke a bit about what she said to me last night, and she said OH you take everything to heart. I am holding up okay, just teary and scared about what will happen next week.

She wants dinner now, so I have to make it, she needs food in her body, not just booze, maybe she won't poop or pee the bed if she eats.

I love you all, Have a great weekend......Nikko

You are amazing.
I hope you realize this.


by the way...


assault is the verbal threat part of assault and battery
(and battery is the physical)
so she could be charged with assault if needed.
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
bizi

I am so exhausted and drained. I am not hungry, I just want to sleep.

That is my plan for tonight.

Plus my pain is flaring up again from getting her up and in and out of the tub.

I have just had it. I wish I could stop crying on and off.

She is acting like everything is honky dorey.

Haven't heard from Mike since today, oh well. I guess I do in a way need him, but then again I need to be alone too. I have to do what I have to do, and not get other people involved. I am alone on this, per usual, except for you all and a few friends.

I am so confused and screwed up.

Need meds and sleep. I know I am going to cry myself to sleep tonight, I can't hold it back anymore. My life is such a mess, screw up, etc. I am having bad thoughts too. If you know what I mean. Bye Bye.....

Hugs, Love, Laughs and Hope - Nikko

Dear Nikko,
You did the right thing to ask for outside help. This is too much to handle alone. I think sometimes we try longer than we should. This is honor and peace in knowing when something is too big to deal with.
I hope that you get through the weekend all right.
Give yourself a break if you can and think good things about yourself.

Mari

you are exhausted...that is what you are.
Don't ever forget yourself.
WE need to know how you are doing...we need to hear about how you are getting better about sticking up for yourself and not accepting crap from anyone.
this gives us hope, you are inspirational to all of the woman here.
You are a survivor.
in more ways than you realize.
love you
bizi