[butterfly11]

I have this thing where I can't make decisions. I spend an inordinate amount of money at the hairdressers because I am usually not satisfied with my hair color and am always wanting my hairdresser to tweak this or that. Don't worry, I tip her well.

My husband does most of the grocery shopping because when I stand in the toothpaste aisle I look around and look around and can't make a decision. Same thing on the cereal aisle. I'll walk up & down the aisle and can't decide on a box of cereal. And I tell myself just pick something already but I can't.

I needed a sweater so I went to Walmart. There was a beige one, a brown one, and a black one, all the same style just different colors. I stood there a long time and could not decide which one to buy so I bought all 3. Now that I tried them on at home I don't like any of them and already have them in the bag with the receipt ready to return. For some reason they look different in my mirror at home than the dressing room mirror.

If I'm buying bananas. I'll look at the selection of bananas and can't decide which bunch to buy. That's why I have 3 packages of grapes in my fridge right now. I stood there staring at them and could not decide which to buy so I bought the 3 I had narrowed it down to.

I could go on & on. I have been this way since at least I was in college. I was hopeful that maybe my recent med adjustment would help with this but nothing has changed as far as my indecisiveness goes. Does anyone else experience something like this? I am trying to figure out if this is part of being bipolar or just part of my own personality.

[waves]

Dear Butterfly


well first let me welcome you to the forums! i've been so in and out i don't believe i've done so... (if i have i've forgotten! in which case, forgive me, and please allow me to welcome you again!!! )

-----------------------

i am very indecisive but how i behave as a result varies. when i'm down i tend not to buy anything because of my inability to choose. when my mood is up i tend to do what you are talking about... by the same piece of clothing in every color of the rainbow... and start looking at similar styles, etc etc... also i don't return the clothes i keep them. i also buy doubles if i really like stuff in that case..... (which isn't a decisional factor.)

any of my friends or family will roll their eyes when my turn comes to order at a restaurant. no matter what mood, i don't order triple what i can eat... but i've changed my mind several times. if i'm more on the down side, i'm usually too demure and will stay with my first order. when i'm more up, i'm a waiter's nightmare. i've changed my mind several times on the spot, confusing the waiter, changed it again when he/she tried to confirm the order, made special requests/tweaks to the menu, and after all was said and done, had hime/her called back to change my order completely.

I've bought excess perishables because of excess of ideas of what to do with them and cooked up storms on impulse and disregard for time and planning of their consumption... again up mood.

On the other hand, in no mood have i bough "tuples" of perishables, due to the inability to decide which was the "best."

To me that suggests a form of perfectionism so high it enters obsessive territory and renders your decision-making dysfunctional. now i do NOT suggest you are obsessive overall, nor have OCD (that dx requires a full range of symptoms). i am only wondering if that indecisive behavior with the grapes might not be driven by excessive perfectionism, or an (albeit momentary) obsession with your decisional criteria. something to ponder perhaps?




~ waves ~

[katmae]

Originally Posted by butterfly11

I have this thing where I can't make decisions. I spend an inordinate amount of money at the hairdressers because I am usually not satisfied with my hair color and am always wanting my hairdresser to tweak this or that. Don't worry, I tip her well.

My husband does most of the grocery shopping because when I stand in the toothpaste aisle I look around and look around and can't make a decision. Same thing on the cereal aisle. I'll walk up & down the aisle and can't decide on a box of cereal. And I tell myself just pick something already but I can't.

I needed a sweater so I went to Walmart. There was a beige one, a brown one, and a black one, all the same style just different colors. I stood there a long time and could not decide which one to buy so I bought all 3. Now that I tried them on at home I don't like any of them and already have them in the bag with the receipt ready to return. For some reason they look different in my mirror at home than the dressing room mirror.

If I'm buying bananas. I'll look at the selection of bananas and can't decide which bunch to buy. That's why I have 3 packages of grapes in my fridge right now. I stood there staring at them and could not decide which to buy so I bought the 3 I had narrowed it down to.

I could go on & on. I have been this way since at least I was in college. I was hopeful that maybe my recent med adjustment would help with this but nothing has changed as far as my indecisiveness goes. Does anyone else experience something like this? I am trying to figure out if this is part of being bipolar or just part of my own personality.

I wish that I had an answer for you on this,I'm the type of person that know just what I am going for,probably because I don't like to be in public though,I do hope you find something to help you,that would drve me crazy,(or should i say even more crazy)

[Mari]

Hi,

You are brave to share the grape story. Going through that must be exhausting.
About.com suggests it could be part of depression.

http://bipolar.about.com/od/depressi...615_dpsym5.htm

Indecision
What to wear to work today? Which of three projects has priority? What's the best day to choose for a doctor's appointment? What should you make for dinner? In a state of depression, making even simple decisions can become a major undertaking, and more difficult decisions can become impossible. When indecision is accompanied by anxiety, being confronted by the necessity of making a choice can even lead to hysteria. People tend to think of a depressed person as being quiet and withdrawn, but if that person is backed into a corner, it can result in an emotional explosion or collapse.

Perhaps you have anxiety about other things --- not just about decisions. Look to the meds. Whenever something is "OFF" I always consider medications before I consider anything else.

M

[bizi]

Do you have a hard time dressing the children?
just curious. or yourself for that matter, or when you guys went out the other night. I have a hard time making decisions too but not to your extent.
sorry that must be frustrating.
bizi

[Mari]

Hi,

I had a million years (o.k. maybe only eight years) with a tdoc who started out as a cognitive behavioral therapist. Then I had a close friend who trained in cognitive therapy and practiced it. I learned a lot from both of them.

I solve the decision making problem by limiting my options. For example, I shop at a very small grocery store.

I think I have a different issue than the one you describe. I worry about the time making decisions. I think if I spend more than ten seconds than necessary on buying something, I will cause a crack in the earth or something.
. . . so that is not good exactly. .. .it just is.

Alos, very very often, when I pick up something at a store, I trust myself to believe that my first impulse is correct and move on to the next thing . . . . Mostly and Most Importantly, because I feel vulnerable when I am making decisions. I want to get home with my stuff and be done with the hard (AND IT IS HARD) choices.

Regarding hair, I trust my hairdresser. 90% of the time I let him do what he wants. He gets it about 85% right and that is fine. Hair grows anyway.


M

[waves]

Dear Butterfly

i am reminded by Mari's post, that years ago, i used to be literally paralyzed over choices, say between brands of the same item... it's a similar thing to the grapes, except i did not resolve the problem by buying all three. i used to just stand there... i'd get more and more anxious until i actually got a stomach ache. then i'd have to walk away... for a while... come back when i felt better. eventually i'd get frustrated and just grab the first thing and figure if they were the same it didn't matter. if i didn't like it i'd try the other next time.

at one point when i was pretty young maybe 10 or 11 i linked the bouts of anxiety with the decisional process.

i found a way to resolve that kind of anxiety at that time. i had to stop trying to decide, find a small round circle and stare at it for a few minutes. it could be part of the environment or i could draw one on a piece of paper.

in restaurants.... when i am good and up, the impulsivity often gets the better of me, period. However, if i am level-headed and want to change my mind or just feel like i can't decide when the waiter i tend towards this paralytic mode. I've learned to make a "default choice" under my belt for when the waiter comes. Then i still consider other choices. If i have to order and am undecided i go with the default choice. THE RATIONALE is, "next time i come here i can order one of my other picks," (similar to Mari's, "hair grows.")

so perhaps it would help to ask yourself, when you get stuck like that, ok, to what extent is buying a or b or c going to change my life? and what about the time i spend standing there, or, or money i spend buying triples? if you are in a state of agitation, perhaps a relaxation technique that works for you might calm you enough so you can do the self-dialog bit.

just more thoughts.

~ waves ~

[butterfly11]

Originally Posted by waves

inability to choose

To me that suggests a form of perfectionism

obsession with your decisional criteria

those are great ways to put it. I do struggle with perfectionism.

[butterfly11]

Originally Posted by Mari

Hi,

http://bipolar.about.com/od/depressi...615_dpsym5.htm
M

Here is a quote from that link.

What to wear to work today? Which of three projects has priority? What's the best day to choose for a doctor's appointment? What should you make for dinner? In a state of depression, making even simple decisions can become a major undertaking, and more difficult decisions can become impossible. When indecision is accompanied by anxiety, being confronted by the necessity of making a choice can even lead to hysteria. People tend to think of a depressed person as being quiet and withdrawn, but if that person is backed into a corner, it can result in an emotional explosion or collapse.

Thank you for the link Mari. This fits me to a T.

[butterfly11]

Originally Posted by waves

Dear Butterfly

i am reminded by Mari's post, that years ago, i used to be literally paralyzed over choices, say between brands of the same item... it's a similar thing to the grapes, except i did not resolve the problem by buying all three. i used to just stand there... i'd get more and more anxious until i actually got a stomach ache.

so perhaps it would help to ask yourself, when you get stuck like that, ok, to what extent is buying a or b or c going to change my life? and what about the time i spend standing there, or, or money i spend buying triples? if you are in a state of agitation, perhaps a relaxation technique that works for you might calm you enough so you can do the self-dialog bit.

I have done that too waves. I once became paralyzed in the salad dressing aisle and just continued to stand there, continuing not to know what to buy. You are right though, I need to ask myself how much is this going to effect my life if I do happen to make the "wrong" choice.